Trust

I found a church to attend yesterday.  It was difficult, especially when the whole morning's emphasis was on mothers but it was also refreshing.  I know that this day is difficult for many and my heart goes out to all who weep on Mother's Day, for many different reasons.  I did win the award for having the smallest baby and my prize was a box of Runts candy.  I almost won the longest labor award but some pour soul beat out my 24 hours.

This quote was in the bulletin:

Think
One of the greatest blessings God can give us is to place us in a position where we are required to trust Him.

I am finding this to be so true.  I can't make Victor breathe.  The medical staff can't make him breathe.  Well, they could, but it would involve more invasive measures than they want to take at this time because they know what's best for him in the long run.  Only God, who formed Victor's body and knows every hair (and there are a lot of them) on his head, knows when Victor will stop forgetting to breathe.  So I wait and I trust.  I have been brought to a place where I have no other choice.

And I don't think this lesson was just for me.  My children are also in a place where they are required to trust.  I know this isn't easy for them.  My hope is that someday they will look back on this and realize that it was a time of great maturation and spiritual growth.  Especially for the older ones, it was a time when they were forced to grow up, to take on more responsibility, and more importantly to trust that God's plan is best even when it doesn't make sense.  It was a time when they were required to trust Him.  And I also need to trust God that this is good and will be good for my children.

Praise God that Victor is one month old today!  A huge milestone for such a little guy whose pacifier is as big as his face.  It does help to keep his mouth closed so the oxygen stays in.

He still has episodes of apnea and less frequently, bradycardia.  This is all still in "normal" range for a baby born at his gestation and his current age.  And being a boy means that he is going to struggle more than his female counterparts.  The doctor said yesterday that when considering a bell shaped curve of micro preemies, Victor is ahead of the curve.  Praise God for this good news!

We continue to pray for every breath, that his lungs become stronger, and remember to work consistently.  We also pray against infection.  We pray that he tolerates his feeds and that he gains weight.  He did lose a little weight yesterday and is down to 1 lb. 15 oz.  No real explanation for this but it will be watched.

I am thankful again today for an apartment to sleep in and for a car to drive.  I am thankful that Katrina came for Mother's Day and she treated me to a very memorable lunch.  She broke her jaw a few weeks ago so she has her jaw wired shut.  Our lunch choices were limited since few restaurants are open on Sundays and unfortunately our restaurant of choice did not have any soup.  She chose mashed potatoes with bacon and had a little coughing spell due to the bacon which caused just a little panic attack.  Danger averted and then we had to watch a little boy throw up right next to our booth.  The poor wait staff were so flustered that they didn't know what to do.  Since Katrina and I were both about to lose our own meal she kindly covered it up with a napkin.  And then we arrived back at the hospital just in time to see Victor being suctioned.  The child has Guinness Book of World Records sized mucus.  He's a celebrity among the respiratory staff.  It was a good day.