Just waiting

On February 3rd of this year, my good friend, Kym, sent me these words from Psalm 130:5-6:

I wait for the Lord, my soul waits, and in His word I put my hope.
My soul waits for the Lord more than watchmen wait for the morning.

At the time, we were in a period of waiting for a potential adoption situation.  Our profile had been presented to an expectant mother and we were awaiting her response.  Between December, when we were home study ready, and April 20, when Victor's case showed up, we presented to numerous expectant mothers.  In the beginning I kept count, after 2 or 3 months, I lost count.  There were very few situations to which we said no.  It was difficult to say no, it was a roller coaster to say yes, and it was heartbreaking to be told no.  But still, we waited.  And I pondered on these words from Psalm 130.  What does it mean to wait more than watchmen wait for the morning?

How does a watchman wait?  A watchman is armed.  He is a defender.  He knows his territory well.  But he does a lot of waiting.  He watches.  He is alert.  He tires.  There is most often nothing to do but be ready, watch expectantly, and wait for something to happen or your shift to be over.

We wait for so many things in life.  But do we watch MORE than watchmen wait for the morning? I suspect that more often we barely watch the same way a watchman would wait for the morning.

So in this season of waiting I am learning to watch more than the watchman waits.  I do not leave my apartment until I have armed myself for the day.  I am learning my territory well.  I am alert and watchful.  I am learning to wait well.

Victor had a rough morning yesterday.  Similar to the events that happened while I was holding him, he's struggling with moments of apnea.  They knew immediately that they were associated with his feedings, but it took a good half day to figure out how to support him during his feedings so that it didn't happen.  A wonderful respiratory therapist actually sat with Victor during an afternoon feeding yesterday and played with his respiratory support settings until he had it figured out.  Between then and the time that I left, Victor's dips were not going so dangerously low.  It means that his ventilator support, which they had been lowering, has now been raised again, but this is life with a preemie.  We always need to keep in mind that Victor should be enjoying his last trimester, still inside his mother, where he would not need to be doing any of these things; breathing, eating, digesting, etc.  Now he is being asked to do all of them, in a body that can't support itself.  As he grows and matures, and as his systems catch up, then adjustments will again be made.

Praise God for the knowledge that He has given to the doctors and especially, for the time that this RT took to really look and adjust.

They plan to continue to increase Victor's feeds today so pray that his digestive system continues to tolerate this and work as it is supposed to.  Pray that it quickly catches up.  He is now 1 lb. 14 oz., one ounce past his birth weight.  We are going in the right direction!

Pray for his respiratory system as it develops as well.

Pray that I can hold my son again today.  As long as he is doing well, he can be held once a day now.

Please pray for the finances of this adoption.  Please help by sharing our adopttogether link.

Pray that I will be able to wait MORE than the watchman waits for morning.

Thank you.

No fear

It's hard to believe that in just one short week I went from PA to Utah to PA to Virginia to DC to Utah. Seven short days.  I'm ready to just be in one state for a time.  Utah?  Why not.

A delay on my connecting flight kept me in Chicago an hour longer than I would have liked yesterday, when my little Victor was waiting for me.  The pilot knew I was in a hurry, though, so made up for lost time and we arrived in Salt Lake just a little behind schedule.  The nurse was just finishing his care and said that once his feeding had time to schedule I could finally hold him!

It was the longest three hours of waiting!  But finally they placed him on my chest.  It took a few minutes but he settled in and his breathing regulated nicely.  They combined his feeding with his holding.  Our big boy is up to 11 ml of milk per feeding!  And I truly could see that he's filled out a little.  Barely noticeable but definitely there.  He's been having trouble with spitting up, though, and sure enough, about 20 minutes into the feeding he spit up a little.  Barely enough to call spilled milk but to his tiny body it was too much.  He sucked a little of it back into his nose and proceeded to set off all the bells and whistles on his machines.  The nurses swarmed in, called the nurse practitioner on duty and quickly had him back to a nice pink color again.

How quickly things can change.  They keep reminding me that such is the life with a preemie.  But in reality, it's not that different from life in general.  We can make all the plans that we want, and can think we have everything under control when in reality, we control nothing around us.

I was reading in Psalm 20 this morning and made a list of all of the things this passage says we are to do and paralleled that with all of the things God promises to do.  I was struck by the fact that there is very little we actually need to do.  It pretty much boils down to simply trusting him.  On the other hand,  God promises to much for us.  It's kind of like the faith of my 8 year old who made this sign for me the day I was going to the doctor for the repeat tests.

HopeAnne added the post-it note.

So today, I am going to trust.  I am going to fear not. I am not going to worry about the "coulds" and "mights" but instead focus on the God who protects.

"Some trust in doctors and some in medical technology, but we trust in the name of the Lord our God." (Psalm 20 - kind of)

Please also read this post by Mariana, about the faith of our little 8 year old.  Then join her in praying that Victor will amaze and will be home early.

Please pray today for his feeding issues, that he would not spit up.  He needs every little bit of that nourishment and it just upsets him so.

Pray that his oxygen needs would remain low and that the weaning of the machines would be a steady step in the right direction, not an up and down process that is more typical.

Pray that everyone around Victor would have open eyes to see the miracles in his life.

Redemption

Words to songs have been so meaningful in this journey.  As I woke up this morning I was reminded of  the words that were in my head 7 days ago, words that led to the adoption of Victor.  The words came from the chorus of "Redeemed, How I Love to Proclaim It".

Redeemed, redeeemed,
Redeemed by the blood of the Lamb,
Redeemed, redeemed,
His child, and forever, I am.

Adoption is often described as redemption.  Satan targets the most vulnerable, widows and orphans, and redemption is buying them back.  And it's not just about redeeming the children.  For many of us, it is our desire to also speak truth and love to birth mothers who feel hopelessness and despair.  To say I not only love your child, but I love and honor you as well.

Yesterday in our local news, the story of the day was of a 19 year old high school student who delivered a baby in the school restroom and dumped him in the trash can where he was found later by a janitor.  So many comments focused on the evil of this event and wondering what kind of evil person could do such a thing.  What she did was wrong, yes, but as I looked at her face in the photo, I saw utter hopelessness and despair that started long before she delivered her son.  I saw a young woman who has so little support and encouragement around her that she did the only thing she felt she could do.  There wasn't one person who showed unconditional love and acceptance to her?  Giving her love and life and hope?  Walking with her through this very difficult time?

This is what we are called to do.  We can't sit around and talk about how horrible this young woman is, or how horrible her act.  We need to symbolically put down the sign, whatever the picket sign might be in the situation.  We need to put down the sign and do something.  Love someone.  Give help where help is needed.  This is crazy love.  But it's the kind of love to which we are called.  If we say we love God and Jesus is our example, then we  need to love the least of these with the same kind of crazy love He modeled.  It's messy.  Some won't understand.  But to redeem a life?  That's why we're here.

"Then the King will say to those on his right, 'Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world.  For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.'"  Matthew 25: 34-36

And our little redeemed one?  Another phone call to the nurse last night brought more good news, Victor is tolerating 6 ml feedings (up from 2 ml!).  Pray that his body continues to tolerate this and that his heart and lungs and other organ systems can keep up.  Pray for no setbacks which are so common in the roller coaster of preemie life.  Pray for no infection.

But also pray for yourself and your day today.  Who did God put in your life, to love unconditionally, to bring hope and life?  Don't just sit there!  Do something!  We aren't all called to redeem through adoption, but we are all called to bring redemption to our own sphere of influence.

If you see me dancing

If you saw me driving along 81 on Thursday, please excuse my actions.  If you saw me yelling at no one in particular, when I was the only one in the vehicle, you may have questioned my sanity.  But if you were in my shoes, you might have done the same thing because you see, after a week of one attack after another, I spent that whole ride yelling at Satan to leave me and my family and this little baby alone!  I do not swear by nature but it got as colorful as I could muster.  I told him that the victory had already been won by the blood of Jesus and that he was going down.  I reminded him that I had a blog and that because he continued to attack, I was going to go public with us; I was going to tell the story of his cheap shots and his demise.

My breast cancer scare started about a week before April 20.  Of course it did.  We knew something was going to happen that day.  Looking back, I realize that it all began about the same time that Noah's precious mother was having complications and delivering her baby.  I started to have pain and my self-examination led me to several diagnoses, all of which were most definitely fatal.  I decided to leave it in the hands of the doctor so I made myself an appointment.  I explained the pain, an overall achy feeling and fatigue.  She told me I had spring allergies and scheduled a mammogram for Monday, April 22.

Of course this was all very distracting to the adoption discussion so I asked my dear praying friends to cover the situation in prayer.  I went to the appointment thinking all would be well.  The next day I received a call telling me that I needed to return for a follow-up and to be prepared for an ultrasound as well.  I explained that we were considering an adoption situation and that I might possibly need to be out of state for a period of time, could they please give me their earliest appointment to get this over with.  So I was scheduled for Thursday afternoon.

The distraction and fear were overwhelming.  It was only the prayers of my prayer warriors that kept me from sinking further down the well of anxiety.  I felt like I was carrying weighted backpacks of fear, distraction, pain, and anxiety.  How could we discuss adopting when at my worst moments I was sure I was dying?  A whole lot of faith there, huh?  As I prayed on Wednesday morning, I saw myself walking along the beach holding Jesus' hand.  He looked at me and said, "You don't have breast cancer.  Now go."  I had such an overwhelming peace.  But because of my frail humanness, it was short-lived.  A praying friend wrote to say that she sensed she was to tell me that our decision about adoption was not to be dependent upon the results of Thursday afternoon's appointment.  So we decided that we would make our final decision Thursday morning.

One friend wrote back to our SOS call for prayer, "UNVELIEVABLE!  Satan takes such cheap shots!  He's a liar!"  She wrote back and said, "This is a big deal and the enemy is threatened.  Noah has a destiny and a purpose that will blow us away.  I always feel so amused that Satan gets so bent out of shape about the 'least of these', the weakest of the weak...it's because he knows, HE KNOWS that there is power in life redeemed.  You will NOT be shaken today, my friend.  Jesus goes before you and He s your rear guard too!"

In the midst of this we called our personal out of state physician, the one who has actually made more correct diagnoses in my life and given me the best medical advice on numerous occasions, compared to my local doctors.  Without telling her all of my symptoms, just mentioning the pain, she diagnosed an infection.  She called in a prescription and we waited.

Thursday morning we knew that we had to say yes to Victor.  We prayed, we made the phone call to Utah, and we waited for my appointment in the afternoon.  The pain was still there so I prayed that they would find nothing in the first test and that I could go home immediately.

But Satan was not finished.  After the first scan they sent me back to the waiting room to wait.  Then the radiologist wanted another scan.  Then I waited again.  Then yes, he wanted the ultrasound as well.  I've had enough ultrasounds in my life to realize that she wasn't finding anything.  After a little while she left the room saying the radiologist himself might want to come back for more pictures.  So I waited again.  I lay there for 15 minutes, alone.  Hoping there were no hidden cameras in the room I just whispered the name of Jesus over and over and over again.  Finally, the technician came back into the room and announced, "You're free to go.  They found nothing."  I think I might have offended her slightly when I explained that I knew it, I knew that Satan was just using this to distract.  I told her about the adoption and we had a lovely discussion on the topic.

If I could have, I would have danced the whole way home.  But the van made the 15 mile trip a whole lot faster.

About an hour later we got this sweet message from our case worker:
From Noah's birthmother: "Ok they won my heart and I am more than happy to choose them."

Jesus, thank you that the victory is already won.  Thank you for holding me up when I couldn't do it myself.  Thank you for each twinge of pain that reminded me to pray for our birthmother and her son, even when I didn't know who she was yet.  Thank you for teaching me to let others help carry the burden.  Thank you for teaching me so much about prayer.  Thank you for once again demonstrating to all that we have power through your shed blood.  Thank you for the power in your name.  Thank you for this experience that has grown me so much in my faith.  Amen.

We'll join in singing with all the redeemed
'Cause Satan is vanquished and Jesus is King!  (Listen here)

Victorious

Way back at the beginning of February, I was praying over a potential match.  As I prayed for the birth mother, her child, and the uncertainty of adoption, I clearly heard the phrase, "Your child will be victorious."  I've clung to that, particularly in times of being presented to situations that were riskier than others.

In March, we asked our prayer warrior friends to pray for us concerning a potential match involving a 6 year old boy.  We were torn.  We know it's harder to place older children but we had decided we didn't want to mess with birth order this time around; we wanted a child age 5 or under.  As our friends searched God's heart with us, one friend came back with an interesting word from God, "Disabled."  Confusing, to say the least.  While I had grown up with the passion to adopt 20 or more special needs children, the Good Doctor had no such passion.  And by this point, I wasn't sure that adding a disabled child to a home with such large numbers was the greatest idea.  But like any word that comes from these trusted Christian friends, I pondered it in my heart and added it to my word - disabled but victorious.

We did decide to present to the situation with the 6 year old but another family was chosen.  And as only Jesus can do, it was sealed with a Heavenly surprise: The chosen family "just happened" to be on their way to a spring break vacation, traveling through the area where this mother and her son lived.  They were able to stop in and meet them right away.  So I tucked both of these words away and they became part of my prayers for our future child.  I wrote the word VICTORIOUS in the center of a page in my journal and circled it.  I told God I wasn't going to stop praying until our victorious child was home.  Little did I know what was coming.

1 Samuel 1:27 - I prayed for this child, and the Lord has granted me what I asked of Him.

When each of our children was little I chose a Bible verse to pray over them.  For some, the verse came to me when they were very young.  For others, I went through several verses before settling on "the one."  It's amazing to pray each child's verse over him or her and to see how fitting it is for his or her situation.  Their verses are posted on their pictures that hang in the hallway so we can all be reminded of God's promises to them.

As I started to explore verses for Victor, I found several that speak to victory.  Someday I'll narrow it down to just one, but for now, please join me in praying these over Victor.  The neat thing about the Psalm 20 passage is that during our wedding ceremony, John and I shared Bible verses that would guide our marriage and verse 7 of this passage was one of the verses we read that day.

1 Corinthians 15:54-58

When the perishable has been clothed with the imperishable, and the mortal with immortality, then the saying that is written will come true: “Death has been swallowed up in victory.”^[a]

 “Where, O death, is your victory?
    Where, O death, is your sting?”^[b]

The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law. But thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.

Therefore, my dear brothers and sisters, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain.

1 John 5:1-4
Everyone who believes that Jesus is the Christ is born of God, and everyone who loves the father loves his child as well. This is how we know that we love the children of God: by loving God and carrying out his commands. In fact, this is love for God: to keep his commands.And his commands are not burdensome,  for everyone born of God overcomes the world. This is the victory that has overcome the world, even our faith.  Who is it that overcomes the world? Only the one who believes that Jesus is the Son of God.

Psalm 20: 1-8

May the Lord answer you when you are in distress;
    may the name of the God of Jacob protect you.
 May he send you help from the sanctuary
    and grant you support from Zion.
 May he remember all your sacrifices
    and accept your burnt offerings.^[b]
 May he give you the desire of your heart
    and make all your plans succeed.
 May we shout for joy over your victory
    and lift up our banners in the name of our God.

May the Lord grant all your requests.

 Now this I know:
    The Lord gives victory to his anointed.
He answers him from his heavenly sanctuary
    with the victorious power of his right hand.

Some trust in chariots and some in horses,
    but we trust in the name of the Lord our God.
 They are brought to their knees and fall,

    but we rise up and stand firm.

We stepped out of the boat

Dear Friends and Family,

We are writing this note to let you know that we said yes!  As you know, we’ve been in the midst of our third adoption journey.  It was January 2012 when we both felt God’s call to pursue another adoption.  By July we had started talking with an adoption consultant and found a local home study agency.  We were home study ready at the end of Nov. and the first weekend of Dec. we prayed over and sent out our first round of applications to agencies.

Almost immediately possible situations started coming.  It was heartbreaking to choose which birth mothers we wanted to be presented to, to turn some down, to say yes to others, only to find that we had not been chosen.  It was a definite emotional roller coaster, not for the faint of heart.

A little over a month ago, while we were in the midst of Mark Batterson’s 40 Day Prayer Challenge, Eden came to me and said that she felt like we were to pray more specifically for a baby.  She decided to choose a date and to ask God to either give us a child or a match by that date.  April 20^th was chosen and a few days later she told me that she had added 5PM to her prayers.  So, as I physically circled the block praying for birth mothers and our future child, she would join me, sometimes simply repeating, “Baby.  April 20.  5PM.”  I had a feeling God was going to honor the prayers of that child.

We waited expectantly for Saturday, April 20.  That day we had a concert in the afternoon and arrived home at 4:00.  I immediately checked my inbox and found three potential situations from an agency in Utah.  Two were more typical scenarios with expectant mothers due in a month or two.  The third situation was a baby boy who had been born April 13 at 25 weeks gestation, nicknamed The Little Fighter by the nurses.  Noah, as his birth mother had named him, had been matched with a family, but when he arrived early, the family changed their minds.  His birth mother was waiting in Utah, feeling hopeless for a family for this little boy.  We presented our profiles to the other two situations but we just couldn’t close the door on the third.  We continued to receive updates.  We asked questions.  We prayed.  Oh, how we prayed.  Several of our prayer warrior friends stormed Heaven’s gates with us, asking for clarity and direction.  And the answers came, one after the other.

But it wasn’t without battle.  The spiritual attack has been so strong, particularly to me (Cindy), physically, emotionally, and spiritually.  When we could no longer lift our hands in the battle, our friends surrounded us, holding us up as Aaron and Hur lifted Moses’ hands.  We can’t thank them enough.  In the same day, two friends had the same idea, sending messages that said, “Noah must be a world changer.  The fight to get him to you has been a big one!” and “He will amaze and God will use him in significant ways.”  Redeeming a life never comes without battle and pain.  Jesus suffered for me, I am willing to do the same for this little fighter.

Noah’s fight is far from over.  Starting life at 1 lb. 13 oz., he’s currently around 1 lb. 10 oz. but tolerating small amounts of food and receiving some oxygen support.  We’ve spoken to one of his NICU nurses who gave us every possible life-threatening situation common to premature infants.  We’ve never walked this path before but we know those who have.  We know the risk is great.  We know that his future health is not secure.  We know that we could come home with empty arms.  But after a week of wrestling, we can’t say no.

We know this is crazy.  We know that it makes no earthly sense. Like Noah building a boat on dry land, like David offering to slay a giant, like Peter stepping out onto the water, we're trusting the hand that's leading us onto the red carpet with a tiny, barely 2 pound baby boy on the other end..  Through the years we’ve been learning to put action to our faith and this is just another step of obedience, albeit a large step. 

So many signs pointed us to saying yes.  Those will be subjects of blog posts for months to come.  In the meantime, we have the task of trying to organize life for 7 children, with a major upheaval on the horizon.  We will both need to be in Utah for 2 – 3 days signing paperwork.  John will then return home while I stay in Utah.  My stay is indefinite.  The case worker mentioned the possibility of transferring him to a PA hospital once all adoption paperwork has cleared and he is stable but we know this is an expensive longshot.  We are prepared for me to be away for several months.  I will definitely fly home for Andrew’s graduation in June (but Eden has already begun to pray that her little brother is home by May 28 so that I can be home as well).

We can’t do this alone.  Many people have told us that they don’t feel led to adopt but they want to help.  You’ve already been in prayer for us, you’ve bought cookies, and supported other fundraisers.  So, if you’re wondering how you can help now, here’s our initial list:

Prayers.  Please pray!  Pray like you’ve never prayed before.  Pray for the spiritual warfare that’s going on around the King house and in my body and mind right now.  Pray for Noah and his birth mother, who we hope to meet when we get there.  Pray that he defies the odds, and displays miracle upon miracle to his doctors. Pray for this life that is to be redeemed.  Pray for the finances that need to be collected.  Pray for strength for Cindy who will be alone in Utah (with our good friend, Katrina, not too far away), fielding medical reports from doctors and bringing the love of 8 family members far away in PA.  Pray for the timing of us going to Utah.  John’s graduation is the first weekend in May so we could potentially wait until after that to fly out to Utah but that also means an extra week of this little boy being without his family.  It may also mean we don’t get to meet his birth mother.

This weekend (or whenever the two of us are gone).  Our flight plans are still up in the air but will be sometime this weekend.  We will need help with childcare (in your home or ours) and transportation while we are both gone.  We may need transportation to and from the airport.

Flexibility.  If we’ve made plans with you in the next few months, these may need to be changed or postponed.  If our children take lessons from you, their practice may not be as regular or as structured with Cindy gone.  We may have a week where we just can’t find someone to transport to two places at once.  Please be patient with us.  We will try to work out our schedule a week at a time and notify you of any pending changes.

Ongoing Childcare.  John will continue to need help with childcare during the day and possibly some evenings when he has meetings and the older children aren’t home.  They know how to do much by themselves but we’d like someone to supervise (crowd control).

Ongoing Transportation.  With seven children, it sometimes takes three drivers to get everyone where they need to go.  He will need people to take a shift driving a child or two.

Financially.  Adoption is not without cost.  It can be argued that if you can’t afford it, why are you doing it?  Unlike having a biological child, adoption comes with steep upfront costs (agency fees, birth mother expenses, medical bills, lawyer’s fees, etc.) and then will come the typical expenses of raising a child.  There are very few people who could afford all of the upfront fees without help and there are too many children waiting to expect the extravagantly wealthy to raise them all.  Thanks to our fundraising efforts to this point we have paid for the home study, application fees, and have a small portion of the initial adoption fees saved up.  But we’ve only just begun.  We hope to set up an adopttogether account through which donations can be tax deductible.  We will let you know when that happens.

We thank you in advance, knowing that words cannot adequately thank you.

Oh, and one more thing, since we already have a nephew named Noah, we’ve decided to use that as his middle name.  From here on out he is Victor Noah King.  God has promised that he will be victorious!  He will have a story to tell to the nations.

Lunchtime Blessing

Sometimes blessings come wrapped up in the nicest surprises.

I took HopeAnne to lunch today.  We enjoyed a nice time together while she wiggled and squirmed and kept up a running commentary.  As we finished up, I got the little bill holder thingie (does that thing have a name?) ready for the waitress.  But then Hope had to go to the bathroom.  So, we trotted to the other side of the room while I hoped the waitress didn't think we had left for good.

When I returned to the table the waitress was standing there with my credit card in hand, no bill holder thingie.  She told me that my bill had been paid.

I was speechless.

I wanted to stand up and look around the room, to see who looked the most generous.  I refrained.  I wanted to make a public announcement thanking the anonymous donor.  I didn't.  I cried.  Well, not exactly right away.  I hurried Hope along so I could cry in the privacy of our own car.

You see, it was a rough week.  We felt spiritual attack on so many fronts.  The enemy doesn't like something that we're doing.  Maybe it was the Good Doctor's dissertation defense or maybe it was his two weeks of preaching on sexuality and purity.  Maybe it was our talk at Diversity Day.  Maybe mountains are moving for our adoption?  I don't know.  Our Good Samaritan Angel didn't know either but chose to follow a nudge to bless two people at lunch.

I made it to my car.  But then I lost it.

Thank you, Jesus, that you care so much about us that you would take the time to bless us in this way today.

Waiting and nudging

At some of our King's Strings concerts, Eden talks about "following the nudge" and how it can brighten someone's day.

She shares about a time when she had specifically asked for prayer that she'd shine God's light to others.  Specifically, each of us had come to a small group gathering, bringing an item to represent a way in which another person could pray for us during the next month.  Eden had drawn a picture of various forms of light - a lightbulb, a fire, a candle, etc.  She shared that she wanted to do a better job of shining God's light.  Since there are more Kings in the small group than all the non-Kings combined, it was inevitable that when the items were passed around the circle, that at least one of us would go home with an item belonging to someone in our own family.  I ended up with Eden's picture.

I put it in a prominent location and began praying for her request.  Sometimes we'd pray this together at bedtime, other times I'd pray alone.  During that month, Eden began acting at a regional theater.  It was the Christmas season and she played an adorable little elf (unashamedly biased, I admit) with a floppy hat.  One day in the employee dining hall, she said she just got this feeling that she wanted to go sit in the lap of one of the actors that she had gotten to know.  So, she walked over to this young woman and climbed into her lap and promptly fell asleep.  We later learned that this woman had been sitting there hoping that Eden would come to her and it was a very meaningful time.

Upon hearing the story from the woman's point of view, I called Eden aside and said, "Eden, you were praying that you would shine God's light and look, sometimes that happens when we don't even know we're doing it!"  It was not only a good lesson for a 6 year old but for her "older" mother as well.

I admit that way too often I get that nudge but I'm too scared or embarrassed to follow through.  Oh to be a child and free to follow God's leading without worrying about what others think!

Yesterday in church, someone did this for me.  She leaned forward and handed me a piece of paper (Forgive me for not responded when you first tried to get my attention.   I thought it was the Good Doctor trying to get me to go up to the front where we would be serving communion but I knew that it wasn't time yet and I didn't want him forcing me to be the first one up front!), apologizing for passing along such a well-known verse but saying that she just felt like God wanted her to give these words to me:

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future."  Jeremiah 29:11  I am praying that He will lead you beside the still water and restore your soul this week.  May your hope be renewed and your strength restored.

Those were just the words I needed to hear after a trying (crying?) week.  It was a week of doubts; knowing God always has the best in mind, but feeling like I was getting the short end of the stick.  Wanting to be mature and trusting but really feeling like life wasn't fair.  (Yeah, sounds like my 8 year old, doesn't it?)  Knowing that God cares so much that He gave a friend a word just for me, and knowing that she was willing to take the risk to share it... That meant more than I can ever tell her.  Thank you.