18 years

18 years.

I'm sorry I couldn't be there for most of them.

I'm sorry that so many of them come with painful memories.

I'm sorry that the most important person to you let you down and can't be here on your special day.

I'm here. I can never replace another mother. But I can try to support you and encourage you to be the person you were made to be.

I will be here when you're ready.

I love you for who you are. Even when it's hard to love yourself. No matter what.

Happy birthday!

V-I-C-T-O-R

Remember that little baby that the pediatric ophthalmologist deemed completely blind with no light perception, due to optic nerves that never formed?

The baby that we took to Heidi Baker for prayer? Carrying him through the crowd, feeling much like the four men who resorted to lowering their friend through the roof to Jesus. Except in this case the story morphed into the parting of the Red Sea, such was the difficulty in reaching a woman full of the Holy Spirit and with a gift of healing, in a crowded room.

When he was one, we were at a park and he was lying on a picnic table (fully supported and surrounded by family - geesh!) when his older brother moved causing the sunlight to shine in Victor's eyes. He squinted. I told Isaac to repeat the movement. Same response. He could see light!

When he was two, he brought one of his books to me and told me which one it was by holding it up to his face and identifying something on the cover. To test it out and make sure he didn't just know the size of that particular book, I showed him another and another and another. Same result. We also saw him stop to pick up shiny or obvious items on the ground. He not only saw light but also could discriminate items a few inches in front of his face and objects on the ground.

At three, he started preschool. Up to this point, I did not think he was going to be able to identify colors. I always told him the color of his shirt and pants when he got dressed, or of a toy in front of him, but he never correctly discriminated between colors when quizzed. A few months into school he started naming his colors - correctly. He can't identify subtle color changes and will confuse colors like purple and pink, but he knows the primary and secondary colors. He had a definite preference for red in the beginning, because of it's association with Elmo but since learning that my favorite color is blue, he will tell you that is his favorite.

Since then, his ophthalmologist has determined that he definitely doesn't see anything out of his left eye. Everything he is seeing - light, objects, colors - is coming from a tiny tunnel of vision in his right eye. We don't know how. But we do know that the fully blind child is no longer fully blind.

And today, another miracle. He was coloring at the table with some of the older children. He told me he was going to write his name. Since he's a Braille learner and no one has taught him print, I didn't think much of his announcement. He has made a V shape before (always upside down), so I knew that he knew the first letter. But then he said the next letter, and wrote an I. Then the same for a C. Then the T and the O. By this point we were all open-mouthed in astonishment. He asked for help with the R, which I gave. But he wrote his name, with letters we didn't even know he knew.

I will admit to slacking in my prayers for physical healing. The visual impairment is the easy part of Victor. My prayers tend to focus on his behaviors. No, let's be honest, they don't tend to focus on behavior, they most definitely implore on behalf of his behaviors. I am known at Heaven's gates as that one who is demanding the victory we were promised before he was even born.

And when I take time to look back (that whole "always be careful that you do not forget" thing from Deuteronomy), I can see that there have been definite improvements in that area as well as the physical healing.

And I am believing that there is more to come!

Summertime Victor-isms

Mariana to Hope: Have a great time at camp. Make some new friends.
Victor: Yeah, make some imaginary friends.

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Victor: Mom, I found the flip flop phone.
(Yeah, we still have one of those dinosaurs.)

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Victor: Does the baby love me?
Mariana: Everyone loves you!
Victor: Even Dolly Parton!

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Victor: I just want everyone to talk to me.
Mariana: Well, what if I just wanted everyone to talk to me?
Loooooooooong pause...

Victor: Well, that doesn't make any sense.
Mariana: I have to share my mom just like you have to share your mom.
Victor: No, you don't. You have a mom in New York.

Mariana tried to explain that she does not have a mom in New York.

Victor: What about a dad?
Mariana: No, I don't have a dad in New York.
Victor: Did they die?
Mariana: No, this is my mom right here.
Victor: I don't believe you.

Thus ensued 2 minutes of arguing this point...

Victor: Well, I love you anyway.

Mariana walked away to get ready for work.

Victor (with a sly smile): Mom, now I get you all to myself.

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Victor: Mom, remember when I belched?
Me: Yes.
Victor: Dream about it tonight.

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One of Victor's favorite pretend play activities is drive-thru window. His second favorite is food truck. Miss. Jackie got stuck playing the second. Of course, Victor is always in total charge of the scenario.

Victor: We're at the playground! Let's play food truck. Miss Jackie, stand right here and order some food.

Jackie: I would like some ice cream.

Victor: No, you are in line. It's not your turn to order.

Victor: Now it's your turn. What do you want?

Jackie: I would like some ice cream please.

Victor: We don't have ice cream. And we don't have donuts.

Jackie: Well, what do you have?

Victor: We have French toast.

Jackie: Ok, I like French toast. I'll have French toast and bacon.

Victor: We don't have any bacon.

Jackie: Do you have ham?

Victor: No.

Jackie: What kind of meat do you have?

Victor: Meatballs.

Jackie: French toast and meatballs???

Victor: Sure, that will be $5.99.

Later that same day...

Victor: Miss Jackie, do you want some bacon?

Jackie: I thought you don't have any bacon.

Victor: I just bought some.

Jackie: Oh, good. I would like some bacon.

Victor: I'm putting it in the oven. It will be cooked in 23 hours.

Jackie: Oh my! If it's going to take that long, I'm going to take a nap.

Victor: No! You can't! We don't allow customers to take a nap. You can take a little rest.

Victor: Ok, Miss Jackie, your bacon is all ready.

Jackie: How much does it cost?

Victor: Just about $26.

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And I think this is my favorite...

Victor: Miss Jackie, Mommy went to bed to sleep last night.

Jackie: That's good. I'm sure she was tired. Mommy works hard.

Victor: No, she doesn't work hard.

Jackie: Well, what does she do all day?

Victor: She stays at home with me and she talks to God all day.

(We're guessing the first part of the statement is part of the reason for the second part.)

He wants a drone for Christmas

When Big Brother comes to visit, that's exciting.

But when Big Brother comes to visit and brings a drone, that's impressive (Victor's word).

Scaring the neighbors who were simply out for a nice, quiet walk

And now Little Brother wants a drone for Christmas.

Victor-isms when we need them

Isaac: Victor, how long will you be in the bathroom?
Victor: Ummm, I'm washing my hands so... about an hour?

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Ana: Yeah, Victor said he was gonna kill me yesterday.
Jake: Oh no, that's terrible.
Victor: Eh, it all worked out.

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Victor: What am I going to be in Jesse's wedding?
Ana: You're going to be Victor.
Victor (after some thought, whispered): Do you think I can be a super hero?

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Johnny Cash died. I feel bad for Johnny Cash. He's buried in the dirt with the rolly pollies.

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Thanks, Mom. You're my favorite, only helper.

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Victor (to me, as I helped him get dressed): You know what, Old Timer?

(After I got over my shock, I realized it's a line from his current favorite movie, Cars.)

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Great Aunt Mim, leading a family reunion's Sunday morning service: ...and there will be some times for the children this morning...
Victor, while clapping excitedly: Oooooooo, do you think there will be Nerf guns?

And when the service got a little too long for his liking (but I thought it was perfect)...
Victor: I just can't take it anymore.

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Me, after Victor had yet another accident in his pants but he was refusing to admit that's what happened: Well, then, why do you need new underwear?
Victor: (pause) So I can look fancy?

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