Three quilts for three children

Some fabric was donated, some was purchased at the Goodwill Thrift. All toddler quilts are going into backpacks for Backpacks of Hope. Praying for the children transitioning into foster care who will receive a backpack of items to call their own.

Hope

"Before the Morning"

Josh Wilson

Chorus:

Would you dare, would you dare to believe

That you still have a reason to sing

Cause the pain that you've been feeling 

It can't compare to the joy that's coming

So hold on you gotta wait for the light

Press on and just fight the good fight

Cause the pain that you've been feeling

It's just the dark before the morning

Some days I carry hope well. I can take whatever Victor dishes out. I respond with love and grace. Other days it only takes one mean word from him to find myself overwhelmed with discouragement. To give up. To feel hopeless.

Psalm 71;14a

But as for me, I will always have hope.

How?

Psalm 71:15-18

My mouth will tell of your righteousness, of your salvation all day long, 

though I know not its measure.

I will come and proclaim your mighty acts, O Sovereign Lord; 

I will proclaim your righteousness, yours alone.

Since my youth, O God, you have taught me,

and to this day I declare your marvelous deeds.

Even when I am old and gray,

do not forsake me, O God,

till I declare your power to the next generation,

your might to all who are to come.

You've given him sight when the doctor said there was none.
You've provided a good school and a PCA.
You've healed trauma in other children in our home. You continue to heal them.
You've sent people to surround us when we're spent.
You've given me children who have chosen to serve and follow you.
You've provided godly spouses.
You've given provided the right college for each child and given them jobs.
We have our health.
We have a home that meets our needs.
You give us each new day.

Psalm 71:24a

My tongue will tell of your righteous acts all day long.

And I will have hope.

Perspective is everything

The email came yesterday morning, just two hours after I made a public plea, "No emails from the school this week, please." Not really wanting to read more bad news, I just skimmed it.

"I wanted to provide you with a brief update..."

"...happened during arrival today..."

"...behavior appeared erratic..."

Oh no. What did he do now?

I decided I needed to read the rest. No matter what it said. Better to get it over with. This time I read the email word-for-word. No skimming. No skipping.

Turns out there was an individual in the school (not my son!) displaying erratic behavior. Police were called. Staff and students were safe. Just letting you know.

I laughed. Howled, even. It's okay, no one was around. Lest I appear callous, you need to understand. Emails from the principal usually involve spitting, perceived bad words, and of course, my son.

An intruder? Phtt. All of the other parents were at that very moment shooting up (bad word choice, I know, but "blowing up" didn't seem all that better) social media, trying to decide the best helicopter move: ...Should I run over to the school to grab my child?...Would it be best if I just take all of my kids out of their individual schools for the day? The whole week?...My kids go to school 1500 miles from this incident I just read on my friend's timeline but nothing is safe anymore and you just can't be too cautious, I best excuse my kids from school for the rest of the day, right?

But over here? I was just glad it wasn't another email about my child.

Sounds like a good reason to keep all the kids in school and go out for ice cream to celebrate. Alone.

Perspective is everything.

Learning God-worship

Going through the motions doesn't please you,

a flawless performance is nothing to you.

I learned God-worship

when my pride was shattered.

Heart-shattered lives ready for love

don't for a moment escape God's notice.

Psalm 51:16-17 (MSG)

So much of my first thirty years or so was just going through the motions, thinking that is what pleased you, God. I paraded my family down to our pew in the front of the church, where my family had always sat. I played the piano and the violin and taught children and worked in the library and so many other things. I made my children obey and smile on Sunday because we were on display. I was seeking that flawless performance that I was never going to be able to give you because I am not perfect.

And then we stepped out of the boat. We picked up and moved to a new land. You asked us to open our home to children who didn't look like us or act like us and in the process you shattered my pride and false humility.

That is when I truly learned to worship you. My heart has been shattered but opened for you and your perfect love. You see me. You care for me. You love me.

You teach me and equip me to go and do likewise.

Thank you.

You do not delight in sacrifice, or I would bring it;

you do not take pleasure in burnt offerings.

The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit;

a broken and contrite heart,

O God, you will not despise.

Psalm 51:16-17

Birthday blessings

We are nearing the end of the 30-ish Days of Cindy. It has been a good month+. I have been encouraged by your notes, uplifted by your cards, and blessed by your gifts. Gifts for Backpacks of Hope, gifts of watching Victor, gift cards (I'll be drinking chai from now til I'm 60!), phone calls, experiences (pottery making with Eden!), invitations out (yay to Olive Oil Grille, Shady Maple and The Cracked Pot!), books, sweet treats, funny gifts and serious ones.

This past weekend my family gathered, coming from near and far. Saturday night my parents and best friend and her husband joined us as well. We ate together, talked, shared words of affirmation (I survived), and laughed. Much laughing. The best gift.

"Thank you for providing me with a godly example of living out His mission as a mother with a houseful of kids. You have inspired our family to reach out to those around us, even when it feels so hard to do, but having the peace to know you are right where God wants you!"

"The things you have done for others through your 50 years show how much you always looked to those who might need a friend or help in some way...Your faith in God, commitment to family and those you have reached out to are an inspiration to us."

"I am thankful for your mentorship, teaching, and example of faithfulness even when things are hard."

"You've personally taught me so much and your life has reflected jesus in so many ways."

"You are an inspiration and blessing to a lot of people. When we shared [a difficult situation in our life], you were one of the first people to respond with a message of support...I love that you share so much in your blog. Knowing that other parents have similar struggles helps a lot when you are going through the rough times."

"Your experience, dedication, commitment to the Lord and a commitment to learning have made you a wise woman who carries authority to speak into the lives of others."

"It has been enjoyable for us to watch you "come into your own" as you have developed and allowed your natural gifts to be used for the benefit of others...We appreciate your vulnerability and vitality for life."

"You are a blessing and inspiration. Thank you for being yourself and following God's leading for your life and passions."

"Thank you for all the ways you minister in church, especially your unconditional love for children."

"You are such a blessing and an example of Jesus living in the real world. I am so thankful for your presence in our lives - for your faithfulness and perseverance in doing the hard things, in your encouragement towards us, in the example of parenting that has literally been a foundation for our own lives as parents. I want you to know that you are seen and loved. I'm believing that ths is going to be your best year yet!"

"The thing that I appreciate most about you is your candid vulnerability. When I have interacted iwth you, heard you speak, or read your blog posts there have been many moments when I have felt that I am not alone in my feelings, struggles and even my circumstances. In addition to this, you have inspired me with the way you walk through difficulties."

"When I think of people who lead by example, who practice what they preach, and truly use love as a verb, you are one of the first to come to mind."

"Thank you for stepping out of the boat and following God's calling. We are so very grateful for your example of intentional Godly parenting."

"You inspire me with the intentionality you live your life by. You have poured into the lives of so many children and given them opportunities to be all who God created them to be. You are making a difference!"

"You absolutely exude love and joy to those around you! I feel lucky enough to have received your love, and I feel I understand you more now that I'm a mother myself... Knowing you has made me a better person, and I know I'm a better mother than I would've been had we not met."

"God has blessed you, protected you, guided you and instructed you. You have given to so many out of what you have received."

Thank you, everyone for the birthday wishes. I am blessed.

Trust and remember

To my children facing the unknown right now. And to those who aren't, this is for when you are. Because those times will come. It's inevitable. It's life. It's okay to grieve that which is not there but you want it to be. It's okay to mourn what is there but you wish it wasn't. It's okay to be angry. Take all of that to God and to the people you trust the most. If they love you, they will let you feel what you need to feel.

But let me tell you how I'm praying for you. Because you can bet that I am praying. But I won't pray that you know the future. I won't pray for an easy path. I won't even pray that all of your prayers are answered. What I've learned (and I'm 50 now so I have earned the right to start a sentence with "What I've learned...") is that we grow the most when we are in those uncertain moments. I haven't always handled them with grace and trust so part of my prayer is that you learn this long before I did. Even now, I can succumb to worry and fear and sleepness nights. Surprisingly, even though our life's journey has brought me more uncertainty than I ever would have wished for, I have more peace and joy than ever before. And when I lose them, I know where to go to get them back. But I didn't learn those lessons in the straight paths and clear futures. You know that; you've seen many of the roadblocks, detours, and train wrecks along the way. I pray that at least some of the time I have modeled trust.

Trust in him at all times, you people;

    pour out your hearts to him,

    for God is our refuge.

Psalm 62:8

Trust Him for each and every step. He will likely only light the path to illuminate one step ahead, not the whole path. So trust Him for the rest of the path. Trust that it is good. Trust that when it's too narrow for Him to walk beside you, He's in front or behind or maybe carrying you. But trust.

And remember. Remember has to follow trust. Remember the past. Remember how He brought us here. That transition was one of the hardest experiences that happened to us and I will admit I didn't trust. I didn't believe that there could be a church that didn't chew up and spit out pastors. I didn't trust that I we'd find a home where the Body of Christ didn't turn on you and reject you. I couldn't believe that leaving the things we loved - our home, our extended family, our school - could ever turn out to be good. But I was wrong and Jesus was gentle and slowly showed me that His way is always good. I know we only see part of the story but even with partial vision, I could list the multiple ways that God needed us here, wanted us here, and planned good for us here.

Only be careful that you do not forget...

I think of the year Jesse didn't make it into regional orchestra (or was it state?) after he had given up the school musical to free up the weekend of the festival, thinking he'd be there. He was devastated. My heart hurt for him. But I also had this sneaking suspicion that that story wasn't over. Sure enough, that free weekend meant that he could participate as a leader at the middle school retreat. The retreat speaker happened to lead a ministry. He just happened to need a drummer and someone with the creative, exuberant, fun, Pied-Piper-of-middle-school kids qualities he saw in Jesse that weekend. That led to a summer job for the next several years with amazing people and experiences.

I think of Mariana's devastation when her first college choice didn't work out. Again, I knew that there was something better. We don't know all the whys. We don't have to know all the whys. God is good. So we trust that He is working all for good, to draw us closer to Him, and to bring Him all the glory.

So, kids. I'm praying for you. I'm praying for trust. Because I love you.

Want to know what else I'm praying? Take a moment to watch or listen to Kendall Payne singing Pray. These are my prayers for you. The God who owns the cattle on a thousand hills and knows every animal and bird and insect knows you (Psalm 50). He knows the future and He knows what's best. Trust.

Robot fan

While all the helicopter parents were bemoaning the fact that it took our township so long to decide to postpone the wearing of costumes and knocking on doors, we had one very excited robot and two parents willing to brave the rain and wind to walk around the neighborhood talking to neighbors.

Were they all planning to dress their kids up as Dorothy and they were afraid the kids were going to melt if they got wet? Maybe they don't understand the difference between fantasy and reality?

Whatever. When I was little we went out no matter the weather. And we survived. And of course we had to walk up hill both ways in the snow and we still survived!

So we braved the wind and rain for our little robot.

The pants didn't last (too big!) and his father got him to the first home only to realize that the child had no shoes (all the helicopter parents are tsk tsking us big time now!). Oh well. He had fun.

He helped make his costume and afterward declared it well done. Yes, little man, you did a great job.