"...your baby weighs two and a quarter pounds (like a Chinese cabbage) and measures 14.8 inches from the top of her head to her heels. She can blink her eyes, which now sport lashes. With her eyesight developing, she may be able to see the light that filters in through your womb. She's also developing billions of neurons in her brain and adding more body fat in preparation for life in the outside world."
So that's what Victor should be doing right now, happily floating in a warm, safe, and snug environment. He shouldn't have to breathe or eat or digest. He shouldn't have to keep his body temperature or deal with flailing arms and legs.
But he does. And that's the problem. The first hour of his feeds is the toughest. The doctors and nurses have several possible causes for this and in all likelihood, it might be a combination of all of them. What everything boils down to is the fact that he shouldn't have to be doing any of it and he just needs to mature and grow stronger. In the meantime, he has great moments and he has dangerous moments. When life gets tough, he decides to eliminate breathing from his list of things to do, as if it's an option. It's all very normal for him and normal for his age, they keep reassuring me. But I still don't like to watch it happen.
In a moment of fear and desperation yesterday I typed "breath" into my online concordance. The very first verses that popped up were of course from Genesis. The second one stuck out to me, "Then the Lord God formed a man from the dust of the ground and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life, and the man became a living being." (Genesis 2:7) I immediately began to pray that the God who created Adam would breathe into Victor, strengthening his lungs and teaching him to breathe. So join me in praying this prayer and asking God for miracles for Victor's lungs.
Pray for HopeAnne at home. She's really struggling with Mom gone. Temper tantrums that haven't been seen for months have returned. Subconsciously I think she fears that like her birth mother, I am also going to leave her. We keep reassuring her that I love her and I will return. Pray that she knows she is safe and loved.
Pray for me. Yesterday was a difficult day. When I take my eyes off of Christ and instead focus on what is going on around me here and without me at home, I get overwhelmed. I forget all that He has done for me and my family and all of the confirmations that led us to Victor. Pray that I keep my eyes and mind steadfast and on Him.
Praise God for a wonderful report from the nurse practitioner last night. They truly do believe he's doing very well for his age and weight. He has come a long way in three short weeks.
And praise God that I got to hold him again! It was a long wait from Sunday to Tuesday. We got to spend about 45 minutes together, skin-to-skin. He even enjoyed my humming which is saying a lot. Did you know that it's awfully difficult to hum when you're crying? It's almost impossible to do both at the same time. Ya learn something new every day.
Praise God for all of the people who are praying for Victor!