According to babycenter.com, at 28 weeks gestation...
"...your baby weighs two and a quarter pounds (like a Chinese cabbage) and measures 14.8 inches from the top of her head to her heels. She can blink her eyes, which now sport lashes. With her eyesight developing, she may be able to see the light that filters in through your womb. She's also developing billions of neurons in her brain and adding more body fat in preparation for life in the outside world."
So that's what Victor should be doing right now, happily floating in a warm, safe, and snug environment. He shouldn't have to breathe or eat or digest. He shouldn't have to keep his body temperature or deal with flailing arms and legs.
But he does. And that's the problem. The first hour of his feeds is the toughest. The doctors and nurses have several possible causes for this and in all likelihood, it might be a combination of all of them. What everything boils down to is the fact that he shouldn't have to be doing any of it and he just needs to mature and grow stronger. In the meantime, he has great moments and he has dangerous moments. When life gets tough, he decides to eliminate breathing from his list of things to do, as if it's an option. It's all very normal for him and normal for his age, they keep reassuring me. But I still don't like to watch it happen.
In a moment of fear and desperation yesterday I typed "breath" into my online concordance. The very first verses that popped up were of course from Genesis. The second one stuck out to me, "Then the Lord God formed a man from the dust of the ground and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life, and the man became a living being." (Genesis 2:7) I immediately began to pray that the God who created Adam would breathe into Victor, strengthening his lungs and teaching him to breathe. So join me in praying this prayer and asking God for miracles for Victor's lungs.
Pray for HopeAnne at home. She's really struggling with Mom gone. Temper tantrums that haven't been seen for months have returned. Subconsciously I think she fears that like her birth mother, I am also going to leave her. We keep reassuring her that I love her and I will return. Pray that she knows she is safe and loved.
Pray for me. Yesterday was a difficult day. When I take my eyes off of Christ and instead focus on what is going on around me here and without me at home, I get overwhelmed. I forget all that He has done for me and my family and all of the confirmations that led us to Victor. Pray that I keep my eyes and mind steadfast and on Him.
Praise God for a wonderful report from the nurse practitioner last night. They truly do believe he's doing very well for his age and weight. He has come a long way in three short weeks.
And praise God that I got to hold him again! It was a long wait from Sunday to Tuesday. We got to spend about 45 minutes together, skin-to-skin. He even enjoyed my humming which is saying a lot. Did you know that it's awfully difficult to hum when you're crying? It's almost impossible to do both at the same time. Ya learn something new every day.
Praise God for all of the people who are praying for Victor!
"...your baby weighs two and a quarter pounds (like a Chinese cabbage) and measures 14.8 inches from the top of her head to her heels. She can blink her eyes, which now sport lashes. With her eyesight developing, she may be able to see the light that filters in through your womb. She's also developing billions of neurons in her brain and adding more body fat in preparation for life in the outside world."
So that's what Victor should be doing right now, happily floating in a warm, safe, and snug environment. He shouldn't have to breathe or eat or digest. He shouldn't have to keep his body temperature or deal with flailing arms and legs.
But he does. And that's the problem. The first hour of his feeds is the toughest. The doctors and nurses have several possible causes for this and in all likelihood, it might be a combination of all of them. What everything boils down to is the fact that he shouldn't have to be doing any of it and he just needs to mature and grow stronger. In the meantime, he has great moments and he has dangerous moments. When life gets tough, he decides to eliminate breathing from his list of things to do, as if it's an option. It's all very normal for him and normal for his age, they keep reassuring me. But I still don't like to watch it happen.
In a moment of fear and desperation yesterday I typed "breath" into my online concordance. The very first verses that popped up were of course from Genesis. The second one stuck out to me, "Then the Lord God formed a man from the dust of the ground and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life, and the man became a living being." (Genesis 2:7) I immediately began to pray that the God who created Adam would breathe into Victor, strengthening his lungs and teaching him to breathe. So join me in praying this prayer and asking God for miracles for Victor's lungs.
Pray for HopeAnne at home. She's really struggling with Mom gone. Temper tantrums that haven't been seen for months have returned. Subconsciously I think she fears that like her birth mother, I am also going to leave her. We keep reassuring her that I love her and I will return. Pray that she knows she is safe and loved.
Pray for me. Yesterday was a difficult day. When I take my eyes off of Christ and instead focus on what is going on around me here and without me at home, I get overwhelmed. I forget all that He has done for me and my family and all of the confirmations that led us to Victor. Pray that I keep my eyes and mind steadfast and on Him.
Praise God for a wonderful report from the nurse practitioner last night. They truly do believe he's doing very well for his age and weight. He has come a long way in three short weeks.
And praise God that I got to hold him again! It was a long wait from Sunday to Tuesday. We got to spend about 45 minutes together, skin-to-skin. He even enjoyed my humming which is saying a lot. Did you know that it's awfully difficult to hum when you're crying? It's almost impossible to do both at the same time. Ya learn something new every day.
Praise God for all of the people who are praying for Victor!
We continue to pray for you and your family. I was looking forward to seeing John this weekend, but I canceled my trip for health reasons.
ReplyDeleteDebbie Fister
You are on such an amazing journey in your knowledge that Christ has led you where you need to be right now. I sense a loneliness in your words...you are not alone in spirit but physically, all your usual comforting arms of family and friends just aren't there for you right now. Like Victor, who has to learn the ways of life , your spiritual support system is so important for you now. But who knew God was going to put a little chink in our armour called loneliness. As humans it is not easy to have to live totally alone...for you to not have your family at arm's reach has to be tough. To not be able to scoop up HopeAnn and give her that mama contact she so needs has to be so hard for you....she is lonely too, without her mother. So your blog makes me wonder why God gave us the feelings of loneliness...to remind us how important others are in our lives? I mean we grow inside another human being!! And then we come out but arms are there for us so we have human contact..so others in our lives are the single most important thing god has given to us...from him, to womb, to arms of mother, to the world at large....he gave us family and friends so we would always have a direct connection to him through each other..interesting that loneliness can remind us that we are never really alone but as human beings , without physical contact from our loved ones, we feel a disconnect...so you and John made a choice in a way...where does mom really need to be...and it is with Victor. His needs of not being "without" supercede your family's need for your touch right now. Wow...that is a tough one Cindy...but your faith, your love, your hubby will make do until you return home...so my thoughts and prayers for you today is that time will speed by..and you will find comfort in your loneliness and know that it means that you love and are loved..you miss and are missed...you matter to the lives of all you know and touch. .You continue to inspire those of us reading your blog...blessings!!!Sandie Dinse (Miles Charter is my grandson, and his name appears because he set up this Google account!)
ReplyDeleteSandra, You are correct in reading loneliness in my words. Yesterday was a difficult day. I was lonely and I was discouraged. I let my mind wander down a road it should not have gone. I had a good morning of reflection and taking my thoughts captive. Today I am in a much better place. Keep praying.
Delete