Knowing

When Andrew was 4 years old, he was diagnosed with craniosynostosis which required cranial reconstruction to correct.  We have a photo of Andrew the morning of surgery, happily eating his breakfast of popsicle.  What 4 year old wouldn't be happy with popsicle for breakfast?  His big smile comes from not only getting a popsicle for breakfast but also from being blissfully unaware of what that day, and the next few weeks were going to hold.  Because how can you prepare a 4 year old for this kind of surgery?  We didn't hide it from him.  We talked about it on a 4 year old level and he was quick to tell others, "The doctors are going to cut my head and fix my skull."  He knew what was coming but he didn't really KNOW.  No parent is going to fill their child with fear by describing exactly what is going to transpire, the details of the procedure,the pain that is going to come, and the recovery afterward.

So did we know what we were getting into by saying yes to a micro preemie?  We talked to those who had been there.  We talked to experts.  We did our research.  We knew what to expect but we didn't KNOW.  In the same way that we hid the details from Andrew, God lovingly keeps us from knowing too much before we take a step forward.  If we had really KNOWN how difficult this was going to be, would we have said yes?  Probably not.  We happily ate our popsicles and followed our Father to the hospital.  We are in His hands as are our tomorrows.  Like my four year old when surgery approached, I'm not going to worry about what I don't know.  At least I'm trying.

Prayers for Victor...

Yesterday was a very difficult day, the first day with major setbacks typical to a micro preemie.  It's not easy to sit and watch this.  It's not easy to watch the nurse become stressed.  It's not easy to watch his numbers come down again, to see the nurses swarm in, call for respiratory ASAP, and find the doctor.  I don't like sitting there, in the midst of everything, but I don't want to not be there, wondering what is happening.

He crashed three times during the day, needing respiratory assistance each time.  After the first one, the RT suctioned him out really good.  Reflux is a big issue for these kids because of the way they are fed, the feeding tube allows food to come back up from his stomach.  Once it does, it sits there.  Suctioning him out really helped.  They did this again later in the day when he had another spell.  Now it's in his chart for every 6 hours whether he needs it or not.  But when he crashed the third time, the doctor said that maybe now he just needs to recover from all the intervention he's received today.  Most of the time he is kept calm and quiet, lights low, and bed temperature even.  Intubating him would be an option but the last time they did that he didn't tolerate it well so the doctor prefers to wait and see.  The theme for the day was to reassure me that this is very normal for his age and as the day nurse gave her report to the night nurse, I heard her say, "He's acting his age today." But I don't want him to act his age, I want him to amaze.  I want him to be victorious.  Pray that today his lungs would amaze and that they would be victorious.

Praise God for the gift of Victor because he truly is a gift.  Before I left the hospital last night, I stood over him and spoke truth into his life and sang to him.  Almost every time I started speaking, he smiled. You can tell me it was a reflex or gas, that's fine.  But to me, it was a gift.  The gift of Victor and the testimony of his life.

Praise God for plopping me smack dab in the middle of a postcard.  If I leave the hospital at just the right time in the evening, I can watch the setting sun reflect off the mountains during my whole drive home.  It's breathtaking and just reminds me of every good gift God gives just because He wants to give good gifts to His children.

Praise God for people who use their gifts to serve others.  So many people have surrounded John and the kids this week with childcare, transportation, meals, etc.  We are overwhelmed.  And when I arrived back at the hospital after lunch, the nurses gave me a blanket for Victor.  They said that a woman had dropped off several blankets that her mother had made and wanted them to be given to adoptive families.  What a blessed gift.

Pray for John on Sunday morning.  Sundays are never a fun time for families getting ready for church.  There seem to be more arguments and problems on Sundays.  I think this is especially true for PKs (pastor's kids).  The Good Doctor also has to preach on Sunday which adds another dimension to the whole thing.  He does have someone coming to the house to help the littlest ones get ready.  Praise God!

And please pray that I can find a church to call home for a few months.  Do you know how difficult it is to find a Christian church near Salt Lake City?  If I wanted an LDS church, I'd have one on every corner to choose from.  I did find a community church that I'm going to try out.