Just waiting

On February 3rd of this year, my good friend, Kym, sent me these words from Psalm 130:5-6:

I wait for the Lord, my soul waits, and in His word I put my hope.
My soul waits for the Lord more than watchmen wait for the morning.

At the time, we were in a period of waiting for a potential adoption situation.  Our profile had been presented to an expectant mother and we were awaiting her response.  Between December, when we were home study ready, and April 20, when Victor's case showed up, we presented to numerous expectant mothers.  In the beginning I kept count, after 2 or 3 months, I lost count.  There were very few situations to which we said no.  It was difficult to say no, it was a roller coaster to say yes, and it was heartbreaking to be told no.  But still, we waited.  And I pondered on these words from Psalm 130.  What does it mean to wait more than watchmen wait for the morning?

How does a watchman wait?  A watchman is armed.  He is a defender.  He knows his territory well.  But he does a lot of waiting.  He watches.  He is alert.  He tires.  There is most often nothing to do but be ready, watch expectantly, and wait for something to happen or your shift to be over.

We wait for so many things in life.  But do we watch MORE than watchmen wait for the morning? I suspect that more often we barely watch the same way a watchman would wait for the morning.

So in this season of waiting I am learning to watch more than the watchman waits.  I do not leave my apartment until I have armed myself for the day.  I am learning my territory well.  I am alert and watchful.  I am learning to wait well.

Victor had a rough morning yesterday.  Similar to the events that happened while I was holding him, he's struggling with moments of apnea.  They knew immediately that they were associated with his feedings, but it took a good half day to figure out how to support him during his feedings so that it didn't happen.  A wonderful respiratory therapist actually sat with Victor during an afternoon feeding yesterday and played with his respiratory support settings until he had it figured out.  Between then and the time that I left, Victor's dips were not going so dangerously low.  It means that his ventilator support, which they had been lowering, has now been raised again, but this is life with a preemie.  We always need to keep in mind that Victor should be enjoying his last trimester, still inside his mother, where he would not need to be doing any of these things; breathing, eating, digesting, etc.  Now he is being asked to do all of them, in a body that can't support itself.  As he grows and matures, and as his systems catch up, then adjustments will again be made.

Praise God for the knowledge that He has given to the doctors and especially, for the time that this RT took to really look and adjust.

They plan to continue to increase Victor's feeds today so pray that his digestive system continues to tolerate this and work as it is supposed to.  Pray that it quickly catches up.  He is now 1 lb. 14 oz., one ounce past his birth weight.  We are going in the right direction!

Pray for his respiratory system as it develops as well.

Pray that I can hold my son again today.  As long as he is doing well, he can be held once a day now.

Please pray for the finances of this adoption.  Please help by sharing our adopttogether link.

Pray that I will be able to wait MORE than the watchman waits for morning.

Thank you.