Staying in contact

One of the blessings of adoption is the addition of the child's birth family to your family. It is humbling to share the role of mommy with a child. There is this other woman out there who did what she could, within her emotional, physical, and financial means, to prenatally care for the child who now calls you, Mommy. I can only imagine, but never fully comprehend, what she goes through when making an adoption decision or when saying good-bye to her child.

Our arrangement with Victor's birth mother was that we would send letters and pictures monthly during his first year of life and then every three months thereafter. These letters go to the adoption agency who then sends them on to *Tracy. While still in the NICU we suggested to the social workers that it would be nice to update her daily if we could and that we'd love to establish a blog just for her. They agreed to ask Tracy this question and she said yes.

We are so thankful that she did. Last Wednesday I put March's letter in the mailbox. When I went back to the box later that day, I found February's letter had been returned, Return to Sender, Unclaimed, Unable to Forward. I was confused. I googled the agency and found that they had been shut down by the state in February. While this wasn't a shock as we had many concerns in our interactions with them, I was shocked to find out in this manner. I immediately sent Tracy a note through our blog, explained the situation, and asked her if she felt comfortable giving us her address. A few days later she responded and did give me her address. I was filled with relief knowing that this tie to Victor's birth family has not been severed.

How sad, though, for the many families who did not have such an arrangement. How many birth mothers are waiting for pictures of their children, not knowing what happened with the agency, and possibly thinking they have been abandoned by the adoptive family. And for Tracy, who has placed other children through this agency, she's left to wonder if she'll ever be able to regain contact and see pictures of the children she loves. Without last names, how are they ever going to find each other?

Thank you, Jesus, that we live in a time when open adoption is an option for birth families that want to stay in contact. Thank you for nudging us to set up a blog as means of connection with Tracy. Thank you, too, that we can continue to speak love and encouragement into her life. I pray that she knows she is loved and valued and pray that you, Jesus, would heal the areas of her life where she is hurting. I pray for miraculous intervention so that she can stay connected to her other children as well. Amen.

*Name changed to honor her

Big Houdini

It's hard to believe it's a little less than a year since we received the email that started with these words:

"I'm sending a unique situation over.  _________ had a hispanic baby boy on April 13th. She has named him Noah. He weighed 1lb 13oz and is in the NICU. [Birthmother] has already relinquished but is still in our birth mother housing until she chooses a family. I texted her case worker today for an update on Noah. Last I heard, he was surprising all the nurses & nicknamed the little fighter in the NICU. He is a little famous cutie in there with with an adorable head of dark hair." 

"Little fighter" was just one of his many NICU nicknames. The Vic-man, Mr. Victor, Peanut, Little Peanut, and the list goes on and on. In those first days it seemed that each new person I met had a special name for this special baby boy.

One of the feats Victor was known for was wriggling out of the positions his nurses so lovingly placed

him in, surrounding him with bumpers and pads to contain and keep him comfortable. His favorite

position was on his belly but he'd kick and stretch his legs and push himself up and over the carefully

placed positioners.  On more than one of these occasions, Little Houdini was what he was called.

Well, Little Houdini is now Big Houdini. He's still exceptionally strong despite his prematurity. And that bouncy seat where I used to place him when I needed to contain him? Not going to work anymore as Houdini has figured out not only how to take off the toy bar but also how to push himself up into almost a standing position, giving himself more leverage to throw himself back against the seat and make it bounce down to the floor and rebound with a vengeance.  Oh well, it was fun and useful while it lasted.

That game

"Mom, we played Amazon Woman tonight."

Three of my teen boys excitedly told me all about this great game they played at their Youth Hang Out Night.

"What's that?" I asked the first child who shared his new favorite game.

"It's where the guys all link arms and get into a tight ball and then the girls need to try to pull us apart."

"Oh, I know that game. I played that when I was younger."

Silence. Shock. Each young man flabbergasted that this game had been invented in the Stone Ages and trying to picture their mother participating in it.

"Yeah, it's true. Only we didn't call it Amazon Woman."

"Well then, Mom, what did you call it?"

"That game where half of you link arms and get into a tight ball and then the rest of the group needs to try to pull them apart."

Again silence.

"That's lame.  But I bet you were great at that game, Mom."

"You think? I bet I was better at finding an excuse to leave the room just when the stupid get-to-know-you games were about to start so I didn't have to participate."

Just another day of learning at the Kings. Yes, we did have games when I was young.

Do you see what I see?

The other morning while taking a walk, a woman passed us and as usual, commented on the cute baby in the stroller. In a grandmotherly tone, she reminded all of us that the sun was in the baby's eyes. We looked at each other but none of us felt it necessary to correct the woman or to blurt out, "He's blind," to a total stranger. Instead, we said nothing.

As I've said before, the most frequently asked question is whether or not Victor can see anything at all. The ophthalmologist has said since last August that he didn't believe Victor could see anything, not even light. He based this upon his exams where he would shine a light in Victor's eyes. Victor would not flinch or squint or squirm or make any reaction at all.

While we didn't like admitting it, this was our observation as well. I have taken Victor outside in the bright sunlight and seen his eyes roll up toward the sun with no reaction. I have fed him in front of a window and moved in and out of the sunlight to see if his pupils would react and they did not. There were those times in the beginning when we felt like he got excited when the Christmas lights were turned on but that was just explained away as our own wishful thinking and Victor's excitement to be playing on his back.

On Friday, we visited a park while waiting for Andrew to finish his last class before spring break so we could head home. Just before leaving I put Victor down on his back to change his diaper. I even thought to myself, It's awfully sunny but it won't matter to Victor.  But then I noticed something. Isaac was standing above him and was partially blocking the sunlight. When Isaac moved and the sun fully hit Victor's face, he squished his eyes closed. I told Isaac to stand there again, and then to move out of the way again. Victor again clearly closed his eyes tight against the light. John came over and observed the same thing. He ran for his ipad so we could document this reaction.

Back in the van we told the just-awakened Mariana about what happened. She nonchalantly said, "Oh yeah, the same thing happened to me this morning." She explained that when she fed him breakfast, they were sitting in front of a row of full length windows and the sun was shining in. He was fussing and not eating. She wondered whether it was the sun in his eyes so moved him and sure enough, he calmed down and started eating.

When Heidi Baker prayed over Victor, her words were that his healing would be a progression. And last week at church, there were more prayers for Victor's ultimate healing.

These are the things that make you go, Hmmmm..... and ponder them in your heart.

Traveling with Kings

Traveling as a party of 8 is always interesting. So is traveling as a party of 10 but that doesn't happen as much anymore. Of course traveling as a party of 8 for 60 hours in a week and a half was beyond description but I wasn't on that trip so you'll have to ask the rest of my family. This trip is 18 hours round trip to see Andrew in Kentucky, to celebrate his birthday with him, and to bring him and a friend home for spring break. 8 people traveling to Kentucky, 10 people going back home.

One of our biggest hurdles is deciding what to listen to; radio or CD and if CD, which one and who gets to pick it? This time the problem was solved by taking turns.  So this was our listening pleasure:

Les Miserables radio theater Disc 1
Little Women radio theater Disc 1
Les Miserables radio theater Disc 2
Radio
Evita
Squanto Disc 1
Radio
Les Miserables radio theater Disc 3

If you took a nap or weren't paying attention, you could wake up in a whole new country, a completely different time period, or even speaking a different language. And somehow, other than Les Miserables, we never got to finish a story. It's a good thing we've heard them so many times that we can recite sections verbatim.

Games are always fun, especially with our age spread. We tried Encore, giving a word and needing to sing as many lines from songs that contain that word.  We also tried story telling with pictures I pulled from magazines. The story starting with the picture of a girl sleeping in a car (I wonder where that inspiration came from?), went on to include monsters, a lamb and a chick who were friends, a Sunday at church where the sermon was about fire in the belly (yes, that was a picture from a magazine), a dead plant that turned into a bird which turned into a rock.

And of course you have to have fabulous prizes and since this is America, we all won - an all expense paid trip to Kentucky!

The healing of the blind man

Victor and I usually stand in the back of church during the singing time. He's still not allowed in the nursery due to his immune system and he's usually too noisy to be in the quiet portions of church so he and I hang out in 's office. This is one time when having a husband for a pastor becomes a good thing. Yesterday, probably because the time change messed him up, he fell asleep during the singing. I thought this was wonderful; I could just sit in the back and enjoy the rest of the service.

Then the pastor stood up front and the title of his sermon was on the screen behind him, "The Healing of the Blind Man." My heart sank. This one hit a little too close to home. Did I want to stay? I was already there, had already made myself comfortable, and did I really want to just go to the Good Doctor's office to hang out with a sleeping baby?

I know the story all too well. Since Victor's diagnosis I've returned to it numerous times looking for hope for his blindness.  Who sinned? This man or his parents? Neither. This happened so that my glory might be revealed.

Throughout the service and during the prayer time afterward, several people came to faithfully and obediently pray over Victor, each one following that nudge from the Holy Spirit, to follow when told, "Go."

The combination of their prayers was a beautiful picture of God's love for Victor. Many prayers went up for his complete healing. One woman felt very strongly that the Good Doctor had a special anointing for healing that day, whether it was for Victor or for someone else, she didn't know. Another saw the image of an angel with wings flapping, possibly on the move, in the corner near us. She prayed for my moments of turmoil; times wavering between faith that God can heal and the knowledge that His glory will be revealed regardless of the earthly outcome. Prophecy was spoken over him, speaking greater gifts of healing into him. Victor's name will be realized, he will see into people and God will heal others through him. A difficult morning, yet beautiful, too.

I would love for Victor to be healed but ultimately, my desire is that God's glory might be revealed through Victor.

Father, I believe. Forgive me for my unbelief.

Texturally decorating

How do you decorate the nursery for a child who is blind?

Never thought of that, huh?

Well, I didn't either. And I'm challenged in the regular kind of decorating.

Long before Victor came home, long before we knew Victor was blind, I got these pictures from someone in our adoption group, framed them, and put them on his wall.

They say, "We prayed for you...we waited for you...you are home and you are loved."

I love both the images and the saying. But Victor will never see them. I thought of trying to add texture to these pictures, and I might still do that, but what else could I do?

For the first children, the nursery had a Noah's Ark theme.  Yeah, I know, why use a story about death and destruction to decorate a baby's bedroom?  I don't know. It obviously has more to do with the cute animals and for me was focused on the theme of promise.  The only problem was that we had given most of our Noah's Ark items away after Child #7 and what's left is in the deep dark recesses of the attic. Should I get it out?

I didn't. Someone from church offered to donate her old Noah's Ark themed nursery set.  Funny, it was the exact same sheet pattern I'd had originally.  But again, Victor can't see it.

I will randomly go on etsy.com or ebay.com and type in "blind" or "braille" and see what comes up. One day on etsy I found an antique Braille Bingo board. It was clearly handmade. The seller noted that she had two of them so I asked her about selling both of them together. She agreed. Then I saw that she was also selling an antique abacus. Perfect! Wall decorations for the room of a blind child, which can double as toys and learning tools.

The walls aren't really this color, they're more gray-blue.

And the sweet seller from California sent the package with not 3, but 4 items, an extra abacus for her new little friend, Victor, which is on the opposite wall.

I wonder what will show up next?