This is hard

Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice!  Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus...I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances.  I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.  I can do all this through him who gives me strength.

Philipians 4:4-7, 11-13

We had such a wonderful week together as a family.  Last night was hard as I knew what was coming. This morning was hard as we prayed together and then the van drove away.  Going to the hospital alone today was hard.  Getting updates about the states they were passing, in the opposite order from a week ago, was hard.  And I'll admit it, there are still a lot of tears.  And maybe, for a brief moment yesterday, I wondered if we were doing the right thing.  But just for a moment.  Because I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that God brought Victor Noah to us.  I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that each member of my family is right where we are supposed to be right now.

Knowing beyond a shadow of a doubt doesn't make it easy.  It doesn't mean that there won't be tears and good-byes.  It does mean that there is peace and there is contentment and there is joy.  Joy is not the same as happiness.  Am I happy right now?  No, I'm weary and I miss my family.  But I have joy because I know that God only has the best for me, and for my family, and for Victor.  And I am content to watch Him unfold each and every day according to His plan because I  know that it is infinitely better than anything I could orchestrate.

And as the nurse practitioner told me this morning when she gave me a hug, "Tomorrow will be better."  Yes, I do believe the tears will go away.  Next weekend I'll be home again.  It will involve another good-bye but there will also be joyful reunions.  Then more good-byes.  That's what life is like on this earth but there is joy when living with the hope that one day there will be no more good-byes.

Please pray with me that Victor continues to amaze and that he comes home well before his due date of July 26.

Victor's flow was turned down to 1.5 LPM this afternoon.  Pray that he tolerates this decrease.

Praise God that Victor now weighs 4 lbs. 1 oz.!  I was able to give him another bath today and our holds were very precious, especially as he looks at me with those big, bright eyes.

Pray for safety for my family as they travel home.  They'll be taking their time traveling east and will be visiting with several family members along the way.

Pray that I will fix my eyes on Jesus and have complete trust that He is both the author and perfecter of my faith.