"God will do whatever is necessary to disrupt your false illusion of control and self-sufficiency."
I am a control freak. Yes, I admit it. I like to have my life organized as well as the lives of all those around me. There can be some positives to being in control, like when you are in charge of a classroom of first graders or when you have three children under the age of 4. However, the downside to needing control is obvious; it's impossible to always be in control.
Just when I thought I had my household under control, it was time to potty train someone and I found that I had no control over the bathroom habits of a little one. Just when I thought I had everyone's health under control, our oldest son needed major surgery. Just when I had the house of my dreams, God said it was time to move 2 hours away. And just when I had a plan in my head for what our next child would look like and where he or she would come from, God sent me to Utah. And just when things were familiar in Utah, I got a phone call that I needed to move from my apartment in just a few hours.
Now, switching apartments should seem like a very minor issue when compared to packing up and moving to Utah indefinitely, realizing that I don't have all that much to pack up, and considering my housing is a gift of which I am thankful beyond words. But it was another lesson in giving up my control, going with the flow, and not being so uptight. I'm learning.
And every time I go to the hospital I remember what giving up control can bring; this precious life that needed a home.
Thank you for praying for our time with the occupational therapist yesterday. I just love our OT! She is clearly very knowledgeable so when she asked if I'd like to attend a NICU parents' meeting at another hospital where she works, I immediately agreed. Not only did it give me something to do yesterday afternoon, but I learned so much about preemies.
Victor passed his first OT session with flying colors. He's definitely on the right path to eating on his own. It's a long process which right now consists of learning what formula tastes like in tiny amounts dropped from a syringe, and practicing sucking on his new big-boy pacifier. The real work will come when his nasal cannula flow is down to 1.0 LPM.
Speaking of which, for those who know, look at these numbers!
Victor has spent significant amounts of time at 21%, room air, during the last two days. This is big news! Within 24 hours he went from spending most of his day right at 24% to moving between 21% and 24%.
His weight is back up to 4 lbs.
Pray for continued steps in the right direction and no steps backward.
Pray that I learn to give up control and trust in God's plans.
Proverbs 16:9
In their hearts humans plan their course, but the Lord establishes their steps.
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