Welcome to the KingZoo and Funny Farm, where we learn to live, laugh, and love together. Here you'll find snippets of life in our zoo, parenting tips we've learned along the way, reflections on shining God's light in this world, passions in the realm of orphan care, and our journey as parents of a visually impaired child with sensory processing disorder. Have fun!

Saturday, May 29, 2010

Why I'm not on facebook - technically

10. I was on facebook but they kicked me off. Something like they didn't think my profile picture matched my given age. Go figure.

9. I do not need to see pregnant belly pictures. Although, when first observing this trend on facebook I was concerned that my children would be scarred for life because they do not have any of these kinds of photos of me nor were such photos shared with the general public via facebook. Would they really believe that they had grown inside of me or would they think they came from aliens, or maybe the stork truly did bring them? With weird looks on their faces my boys assured me, however, that they don't care if the stork did indeed drop them off on its rounds as long as they don't have to look at pictures of my swollen belly. Whew! That's a weight lifted from my shoulders.

8. I do not have the time for such a frivolous time-waster. Really, who has that much time to sit in front of a computer and write a bunch of nonsense? I'd have to give up eating my bon-bons and watching my soaps and I just can't do it.

7. I don't want a hug. Or a poke. Or a farm. I don't want fish or jewels or a castle or anything else you might want to send or throw my way. And I really don't have a need to join the mafia.

6. John's facebook page would go down the drain if I did not update it occasionally. His posts written by me get more comments than posts written by him. It's a contest, right? May the one with the most comments win.

5. Most people on facebook lie. Seriously, if your status says, "So-and-so is driving to Florida." Do you think that this person is actually driving to Florida? No, this person is typing in his/her facebook status. However, if John's facebook status says, "Driving to grad school in Virgina." You can be assured that he is honestly driving to Virginia. I was concerned about the lie that John did not write it but upon double-checking I noted that it doesn't say, "John is personally updating his status and says that he is driving to Virginia." Indeed, it simply says, "John A. King is driving to Virginia."

4. It's too easy and way too much fun to use John's account. Just to get things straight, I have John's complete permission to use his facebook account. In fact, I am encouraged to share his account. In all seriousness (which I can accomplish every now and then when I must) he believes I should be reading his messages and seeing his facebook account to keep things on the up-and-up. This way he can be friends with all the ladies without feeling like he's hiding something. Get it?

3. I don't want people tagging me in ugly photos. Have you seen some of the pictures people post and then tag you? If you don't know how to take a decent picture of someone with eyes open and mouth shut, you probably shouldn't even upload it.

2. I'm not that into friends but I feel bad ignoring people's friend requests. And (horrors) someone from high school might find me and then my alma mater would know that I'm not really dead, I'm just banning all their reunions and ignoring their donation solicitation phone calls and letters.

1. I just really wouldn't have anything to say. I'm a fairly boring person who lives a fairly boring life. Writing all that stuff would be even more boring. And who would want to read anything I have to say? No one likes to read about someone else's life. End of story. Now go update your status.

1 comment:

  1. This is why I stick to Twitter, primarily. It's built for speed and has none of that farm, poke, mafia stuff. Simply 140 characters or less. "Brevity is the soul of wit."