Welcome to the KingZoo and Funny Farm, where we learn to live, laugh, and love together. Here you'll find snippets of life in our zoo, parenting tips we've learned along the way, reflections on shining God's light in this world, passions in the realm of orphan care, and our journey as parents of a visually impaired child with sensory processing disorder. Have fun!

Sunday, May 30, 2010

Brain Damage

Bill Cosby's comedy sketches are so funny because they are so true. I love that we can watch them together and all ages can enjoy them. A favorite in our house is his "Brain Damage" sketch. I guess we can all relate so well to this one because to some degree, we all display this phenomena at times. The older kids have the benefit of being young when there were no older siblings to remember the worst of their brain damage. Unlucky for them, however, their mother has a great memory and just in case she might forget she keeps a "funny book" on each child. Here are some of our favorites (names omitted to conceal each child's true identity):

-If you are going to draw all over the back of Daddy's car, do not also write your name. It may be in fairly illegible scrawl but the capital letters are pretty easy to figure out, especially for someone who made a living out of grading elementary school handwriting.

Brain Damage

-If you are being scolded by Daddy, do not choose that moment to try out a quote you heard from Cruella deVille on 101 Dalmatians because shouting, "You idiot!" to his face is probably not the best way to get out of trouble.

Brain Damage

-If you do not want me to know that the clothes you were asked to put away on laundry day never made it past your floor and then were thrown into the laundry in one fell swoop on cleaning day, at least make sure they do not come to the laundry room neatly folded. Folded clothes in the laundry hamper are a dead give-away. So is putting the same shirt in the laundry 5 weeks in a row when I know I have not seen it on you yet this season.

Brain Damage

-If you are going to suck on a marker, choose a color more suited to your natural lip and tongue color. Blue is especially not a good choice.

Brain Damage

-Do not put swimmies on your ankles. When you go into the water your feet will stay up but your head and hands will still go down.

Brain Damage

-Do not cut your hair if you do not have a license to do so. There is a reason you need to have graduated from high school first. Preschool graduation doesn't count. And, after cutting off a large chunk of hair, do not hide it under your pillow unless you plan to do all of the sheet changing next laundry day. And especially do not tell MomMom that it was Mommy who cut your hair. MomMom's know better. That's how they got to be grandmothers.

Brain Damage

-When you see a banana peel in the middle of the road, do not ride your scooter over it. Those cartoon sketches are correct; you will slip. You will go to the doctor and you will end up with a scar. Even worse is the humiliation of having to tell people that you slipped on a banana peel. Even worse is having your mother and siblings tell people that you slipped on a banana peel.

Brain Damage

-When trying on next season's clothes and you hike your pants all the way up to your arm pits to try to be funny, make sure you have your vocabulary correct first. Strutting into the middle of the room looking like Steve Erkel and saying, "Look, it's the new fade" may be hilarious but you will be reminded of this vocabulary faux pas for a long time.

Brain Damage

-If you take your older sister's lipstick and apply it as eye shadow, blush, and lipstick, you might want to look in the mirror before showing yourself to the rest of the family. And then, when questioned, it's not smart to start off by denying any knowledge of said make-up. Once you've looked in a mirror and know you're caught, it's also best to not state that you found the make-up in your older brother's room and he told you it was okay to use it.

Brain Damage

More to come I'm sure . . .

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