Incorrect

I'm trying a new approach to grammar instruction this year. We are keeping a notebook in which we place any published, written material with one or more typos, misspellings, grammatical errors, or any other editing goof. Not opposed to bribery, money can be earned by locating the error(s) or by finding one yourself and adding it to the notebook. Church bulletins alone will keep us in the money for a long time to come.

Don't worry, your emails, blogs, texts, and Facebook statuses are safe. I have it from an authority in the field that these areas are safe from scrutiny. (Don't believe me? See Michael Hyatt's take on the matter: http://michaelhyatt.com/should-you-hire-someone-to-proofread-your-blog-posts.html) It may still drive me crazy, but you won't end up in the notebook. And I can't end up in yours. Unless you are my child. Then all bets are off because you are held to a higher standard; that whole pastor's kid thing. Or something like that. On the other hand, I reserve the right to change this rule at any time if I see something that is glaringly obvious or which tickles my funny bone.

So, if you invite my child to your child's birthday party, your invitation may just end up in our notebook. Don't feel too bad if this happens to you; you're in good company. You can also know that you are providing me with teachable moments for my children. It was such an invitation that started the notebook. The invitation in question hung on our bulletin board, staring me in the face everyday, taunting me with its message of "Your invited" until finally someone (I think it was the Good Doctor) corrected it for me. I slept much better after that.

Only a few days old, our notebook is filling up fast and just as I had hoped, the kids are fighting to be first to find the error(s). Poor Jesse is feeling a little handicapped in this area. He tells me not to worry; his English teacher wasn't good at these things, either. Great. No wonder my boys loved him so much. Here's how the search went for Jesse this afternoon:

Jesse (in frustration after hours looking at one Kohl's ad): Mom, how do you find these things?

Me: Jesse, I'm nowhere near an expert (I only taught first grade, you know) but when I read, these things just jump out at at me and yell, "Horrors! Cindy, this [insert error here] is incorrect and inaction would be incompatible with your belief system. You MUST act now!"

Jesse: Well, they say to me, "Jesse, I'm hiding but your mom will pay good money if you find me. Come spend hours poring over my page and if you're lucky, you just might find me."

And later,

Jesse: Mom, this is the hardest 50 cents I have ever earned!

But by golly, he earned it fair and square. Pays to look, right? (Pun intended)

I'm looking forward to the first day of school. Teachers are notorious for sending home letters that list classroom rules, procedures, and standards. Without fail, each teacher will state the need for my child to hand in error-free assignments to get good grades (a point for which I do not disagree), but the teacher will have written this on an error-riddled hand-out. Oh, I can't wait! It'll be teachable moment Heaven. Or Heave, according to a recent church bulletin that shall remain nameless to protect the innocent. When a certain child finally recognized that error, my loving response was, "Bingo! If I take this typo to its rightful conclusion, I can assume that when I die, I am going to heave." Or is it when I heave, I feel like I'm going to die?

And while we're on the subject, one of my other Seventh Day reading favorites goes something like this: "We would like to congratulate Sue and Bob on the birth of their new baby boy." It always makes me wonder in what circumstance we would congratulate someone on the birth of their old baby boy? And what would an old baby boy look like? No hair? A comb-over? Maybe false teeth?

Well, I could go on all night. Time to stop. But please, if you find a published error we could add to our notebook, send it our way. We're all about earning more money! And teachable moments!