Welcome to the KingZoo and Funny Farm, where we learn to live, laugh, and love together. Here you'll find snippets of life in our zoo, parenting tips we've learned along the way, reflections on shining God's light in this world, passions in the realm of orphan care, and our journey as parents of a visually impaired child with sensory processing disorder. Have fun!

Thursday, August 12, 2010

Stop, thief!

We just had a wonderful 2 days of vacation. It started with a matinee performance of My Fair Lady at Allenberry (yay, friends!), then on to Dutch Apple for George M! (great to see you, Chris and Megan), then a good night's sleep before heading to Sight and Sound to see Joseph. And we didn't have to pay for any of it; a nice combination of Cindy's photography comps, comps from friends, and a gift card. The only negative to the whole thing was the notification we received right before all this, letting us know that my very kind and trusting husband had been swindled out of a substantial amount of money through a bad PayPal deal (it's long and complicated and too boring for a Cindy blog). But we will survive and it couldn't completely overshadow the fun of family bonding. (I did suggest that since we have his email address we could send him a "nice" letter, thanking him for leaving our 6 children homeless, starving and wearing rags. John said he'd send him a prayer.)

I suppose there have always been those who feel the need to take what does not belong to them. If not, why would God have felt the need to put the 10 Commandments so early in Biblical history? I personally dealt with this at a very young age when my favorite doll was stolen from the front porch. Presumably it was a thief-in-training neighborhood girl who thought that my "Beth" (named for a favorite babysitter) would be more fun than her own dolls. I sure hope it wasn't an adult male burglar. That's just sick. And no worries, "Mary" (named for Beth's sister, another favorite babysitter) quickly took Beth's place. She was better than Beth anyway; she could cry.

Several years later my parents had a cassette tape case stolen from the family car. I'm not sure what this thief thought he/she was going to find but I'm certain Dottie Rambo and the Gaithers were not the intended goods. Someone out there is a thief who changed the course of his life after listening to Germs on Down by the Creek Bank.

In college John and I went to visit his sister and while we were enjoying a nice restaurant meal a group of thugs smashed the passenger side window of my car to get to the purse that I had placed under my seat. According to the cops they had this type of thievery down to a science and had actually been scoping the parking lot, looking for females who exited their vehicles without a purse. Other than the scare of hearing my license plate announced over the intercom system at the restaurant, seeing my smashed window, and knowing that someone had my license and keys, it was a pretty useless night for those thieves. They must have been pretty disgusted with what they found in my purse because a week later it turned up in the dumpster of a local shopping mall, with all 11 cents still in my wallet. Even though I got my pennies back, I learned my lesson and never hide my purse under my seat. Now I just hide it under all the kids' junk in the back seat.

These people really should start a national registry so they could list the people they victimized and the loot they did or did not get. If they did, they would know that Cindy King is really not worth burglarizing. But now it's gone international, and they're taking things from my own children!

Andrew was recently on a missions trip to Nicaragua. While there he had many amazing experiences but the one to write home about occurred on the last day when the team was out shopping. The team's suitcases had been placed in two buses, all except for a few suitcases which did not fit so were fastened to the top with bungee cords. Andrew's suitcase just happened to be placed on top. While the kids were out shopping, but the bus drivers were still sitting in the buses, a car pulled up and out popped one Nicaraguan thief who grabbed Andrew's suitcase from the top of the bus. His buddy stayed in the car to make the fast get-away when Guy #1 returned with the goods. We've had some good laughs imagining the conversation between these two men when they realized that the contents of this suitcase were not going to land them on Easy Street any time soon.

(Since most of you probably do not speak fluent Spanish I have taken the liberty of translating the conversation into English for you.)

Thief # 1: So open it already! What are you waiting for? Try that outside pocket. That looks pretty thick. I bet there's a big wad of money in there.

Thief #2 (opening the outside zipper): Do you have a headache, Boss?

#1: What do you mean, do I have a headache? Who made you so sensitive all of a sudden? You thinkin' about going to medical school, or somethin'?

#2: Well, I'm just askin' 'case all I'm findin' in here is a bottle of Ibuprofen, a few Pepto tablets and , a prescription for malarial meds, and anti-diarrheal medicine. You got diarrhea, Boss?

#1: No, I don't have diarrhea, and quit callin' me Boss! Check that other pocket. That could have something valuable.

#2: Not unless you break your glasses.

#1: What are you talkin' about now? Breaking my glasses? I don't even wear glasses.

#2: Oh, then maybe you can use these contact lenses. 2 weeks worth, Boss.

#1: Okay, forget about the pockets. Those Americans are smarter than we thought. Must've put their money and valuables INSiDE the suitcase. Open it up, already!

#2: Okay, Boss. Whatever you say. Phew! Do you smell that? Smells like ... Smells like ... Dirty socks and underwear. Yep, that's definitely what it smells like, Boss. You finish. I can't do this. Yep, either you finish or I need some rubber gloves. This job is more dangerous than I thought, Boss.

#1: This ain't no job and my name ain't Boss. And we don't wear stupid rubber gloves like stupid sissies! This is an order: Open the suitcase and see what's inside! Oh, you're giving me a headache.

#2: Need some Ibuprofen, Boss, 'cause I got some right -

#1: (interrupting) JUST OPEN THE SUITCASE!

#2: Right, Boss. Yep, it's underwear all right. Looks like it's been worn front, back, inside and out, too. Boss, this ain't some rich American, this must be one of those teen do-gooders from some North American church! We ain't gonna find noth -

#1: Im gonna give you a headache if you don't finish the suitcase!

#2: Right away, Boss. Okay, dirty socks, more dirty socks, more dirty underwear. Wait! What's this? There's somethin' different about this underwear, Boss. It's decorated. Looky here: eyeballs on the butt cheeks, and "I love Grandma" written around the top.. Hmmm. If I were a bettin' man, i'd guess the teen do-gooder kid forgot his undies when he went to Grandma's house and then I bet his girl cousins went to the store to buy him more but before they handed it over they decorated it. Yeah, that's it, see -

#1: And now you're a novelist? What kind of preposterous story is that? If you don't find somethin' valuable in that bag I'm gonna -

#2: Wait! I found it! Somethin' valuable, Boss. Look at this! A camera battery charger. I've been wantin' one of those! Bingo!

#1: Do you have a camera?

#2: What?

#1: Is there a camera in there?

#2: Ahh, let me see... No, no camera.

#1: So you don't own a camera and there's no camera in the bag. Then what do you think you're going to do with a charger?

#2: That's a good question, Boss. I hadn't thought of that. Okay. You need some khakis? Or some dirty T-shirts? The kid must've spent the last month workin' like a ... like a ... Well, workin' a lot in the sun, let's just say. And without no showers or laundry. Don't those Americans take showers? Or do laundry?


#2: Right, Boss. I kinda' got carried away there. It's just that I can't stand dirt and germs and such. I'm tellin' ya', if we're gonna keep this up I need to invest in some good rubber gloves. I might catch something in here. You know foreigners and their diseases. Yeah, this kid might have some kind of disease. That's why he's got those meds there in that pocket. Wait, give me that prescription bottle. He must have malaria, that's why he's got this prescription here, see? I better take one of these here pills right now -

#1: Give me that bottle! The kid doesn't have malaria! NOW WHAT"S IN THE SUITCASE?

#2: Ah ... um ... oh ... a sweatshirt. Got an eagle on it. Ain't that the symbol of them Americans? Oh, and it says somethin' here: Pi-hi-del-pi-hi-e-a. What on earth is that? Don't them Americans believe in vowels? Why put P and H together without vowels? What kind of word is that? Oh, I see. I told you this was some teen do-gooder. And he ain't rich, neither. No siree. He buys his clothes at the seconds outlet. Yup, that's it. This here sweatshirt is missing it's vowels so the kid got it cheap and -

#1: Don't you know nothin'? P and H go together in English. They make a sound like fffffffffffff.

#2: Ffffffffff? What are you talkin' about, Boss? Who ever heard a such a thing? Maybe you've caught what the kid's got. Do you need some Ibuprofen?


#2: Right-e-o, Boss! I got one more thing. A book. A little book. Maybe this kid couldn't read, neither, so he just got a small book.

#1: Give me that. That's a Bible. It's a travel size. See, it says right here: Backpacker's Bible. Even has a name inside: Jesse King.

#2: AHHHHHHH! The King? You mean we just stole this suitcase from the King of America?

#1: Oh, shut up already. They ain't got no king in America.

#2: Oh, for a minute you had me scared, Boss. Afraid that the Embassy was gonna come after us for taking their King's suitcase. But wait a minute. Did you say "Backpacker's Bible"?

#1: Yeah, backpacker. What of it?

#2: Backpacker, eh? Are you tellin' me that this kid has been haulin' that suitcase around on his back? I heard them Americans are big folks. Can you imagine? This suitcase belongs to some kid do-gooder and he carries his suitcase around Nicaragua on his back? How tall you think he'll be when he's full grown? I'm thinkin' at least 7 feet! And a Bible, you say? I heard about them things. Yep, my uncle, you know, the one that immigrated to Pennsylvania? He stole a case of cassettes out of a car once. Found a whole bunch a Christian tapes. Tapes, you know, ah, ah, cassettes, they're called. He listened to them things and turned himself around just like that. Went out and bought himself a Bible and now he goes to all kinds of interesting places with weird names like Casting Crowns and Purple Door. Imagine, a purple -

#1: Give me that Ibuprofen! I've got a headache. In fact, give me all the medicine he's got. I need it all!

#2: Told ya, Boss.

1 comment:

  1. I-LOVED-that-story! I say we do it as a skit for next years' missions trip. It might scare a few kids from going. But then again, we need kids with thick skin anyway.