Adoption loss

To those on the outside looking in, adoption tends to be romanticized. Parents who adopt are told, "They're so lucky to have you." They're given a pat on the back.

Sometimes, even those who have adopted have this mindset. They give themselves a pat on the back.

And very often, adopted children romanticize what life would be like if only...

But adoption always begins with a loss. Always. None of these children have asked to be placed in a second (or third or fourth or...) home. None of them chose a new set of parents. It was chosen for them. Sometimes before they were old enough to understand what was happening. Sometimes, they understood too well that life was out of their control.

We need to be careful to always remember that while there are some children like one of our daughters who recently told me, "I love being adopted! I get to know my first family but I also have you," and "It gives me something to talk about with people."

But even those we call Disney World Adoptions start with a loss. Always.

As adoptive families, we need to remember that we walk a fine line between celebrating our children and our families and how God brought us together, while also acknowledging that this was not God's initial plan. Before sin entered the world, families were to stay intact. No one would chose drugs, alcohol, or another person over a child. No one would die. Children would be with their parents forever.

So we do celebrate today but we also remember that before us, there was another mother. There is another father.  There are more siblings. There was another country. Another culture. Another language. Another village. We don't try to replace those who came before us. We can only promise to be here for as long as we are on this earth. To love and to cherish, no matter what, for as long as we all shall live.

A new quilt with patches from our family's jeans,

and patches from Kenyan cloth.