Cling

Like many people, I'd be hard pressed to name a favorite Psalm. So many of them touch my heart. Some are written just for a season in my life. Others are daily reminders of an awesome God.

One day I sat with Psalm 63, one of the Psalms on my long list of favorites. More specifically, I sat with the first half of verse 8:

My soul clings to you...

I asked myself what this might look like. The first picture that came to mind was of one who is falling from a high place and clings to a rescuer. The fingers dig deep into the rescuer's arm with fear. The person is not going to pull away on their own but will need to be pried.

I thought of Victor when a dog barks. While he may have happily been playing with the dog just moments before, the unexpected bark throws him into a panic. I scoop him up and hold him while his legs circle my hips and cling to me. His arms won't let go of my neck.

And I thought of the pictures of trees growing on the side of a cliff. They have managed to grow strong roots which cling to the cliff's side so the tree won't fall in great wind or rain.

Each picture tells me something else about what it means for me to cling to God.

Most often I find myself clinging when I'm overwhelmed with life. I sit in God's presence and I cling, without leaving. Like the one who clings to a rescuer, finding protection and safety, I can look around with eyes that perceive from this high perspective. Things look different from here, in the arms of my rescuer. When clinging to Christ on the cliffs of life, I can look around with spiritual perception. I stay and weep and pour out my soul. I confess my weariness, my anger, my sins, my downfalls, and my short-comings. I give Him my unanswered questions and beg for healing and change in myself and others. I beg Him to listen and respond. To speak. To love and to hold me as the second half of the verse promises,

...my right hand upholds me.

And He does.

But I also want to cling as the tree clings. It is strong and constant. It's foundational roots are there on calm, peaceful days so they can be stronger when the storms come. Those are the roots that I need.

To cling when life seems easy so I can cling when circumstances want to pull me down.

My whole being follows hard after You and clings closely to You; Your right hand upholds me.

Psalm 63: 8a (AMP)

Hope

Therefore, brothers and sisters, 

since we have confidence to enter the Most Holy Place by the blood of Jesus, 

by a new and living way opened for us through the curtain, that is, his body, 

and since we have a great priest over the house of God, 

let us draw near to God with a sincere heart and with the full assurance that faith brings, 

having our hearts sprinkled to cleanse us from a guilty conscience 

and having our bodies washed with pure water.  

Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful. 

And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, 

not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, 

but encouraging one another—

and all the more as you see the Day approaching.

Hebrews 10: 19 - 25

Victor: Mom, I pooped!
Me: Great! Thanks for telling me.
Victor: Come see, Mom!
HopeAnne: You have the best job in the world.
Me: *eye roll*

This is Victor. Each of these tiles has a Braille letter embossed on it. The other day, Victor played with this 3 different times, for more than half an hour each time. The first time he worked on identifying the Braille letters that he knows, and arranging them to make words. The second time he asked for the board and tiles, he arranged the tiles in 4 lines across the board. The final time, he diligently worked at placing the tiles around the perimeter of the board.

What do these two scenarios have to do with the Scripture passage at the top?

HOPE

Because whenever I find myself losing hope, it's because I've misplaced my hope. When my hope is in Victor and his ability to meet goals and milestones, I feel dejected and without hope. When my hope is in therapies and doctors, I am disappointed and without hope. When my hope is in myself and my ability to "deal with" Victor, I am angry and without hope.

But if my hope is in Christ, I can see through His eyes. I can see how far Victor has come and I can remember the promise of his eventual victory. It's only taken us 2 1/2 years but that particular body function finally finds it's mark in the porcelain throne 90% of the time. And just 6 months ago, Victor would not have been able to sit still to play with the Braille tiles. He wouldn't be able to recognize almost 10 Braille letters because he couldn't sit for 15 straight minutes of instruction. He wouldn't have been able to carefully line up his toys like so many of his peers because he would end up throwing them in frustration before even starting.

Where is your hope? In yourself? In professionals? In perfect circumstances? In governmental leaders? In degrees? All of these will fail and you will lose hope. But by putting our hope in Christ, hope never, ever fails.

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, 

so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.

Romans 15:13

The best birthday present ever

Okay, it was a day early but....

Last spring I was approached about writing a whole-church curriculum focused on mission. I surprised even myself with a pretty quick, "Would I? Absolutely!"

This is my passion; seeing people live like Jesus. It was Francis Chan and his challenges in Crazy Love that changed my life from a comfort-seeking American Christian to one who desires to be a radical, self-sacrificing, comfort-giving Jesus follower. So yes, I would love to be part of anything that challenges others to do the same.

To be honest, we started out looking at existing books and resources but since I couldn't narrow it down to just one, and would have to write study materials to accompany them anyway, we settled on me writing it from scratch.

But it wasn't completely from scratch. It all started from years and years of notes and videos and speakers and books and Bible studies led, and most importantly, insights from Scripture. Since the Good Doctor had already set aside 4 days in April for me to spend time alone at the beach, I decided it was as good a time as any to put thoughts on paper.

God had a better plan, however, and added the proverbial cherry on top when, after 4 mornings devoted entirely to writing, the whole small group curriculum was complete. Complete, not just started. The words just came. Seven small group sessions with accompanying power point, done. Truly Holy Spirit driven. My usual angst and Satan's typical darts - nowhere to be found. None-existent. A safe space, my happy place, and my God.

Upon returning home, the Good Doctor found several Mondays when I could write. Since Monday is his day off, he stayed home with the kids while I holed up in his office and wrote. Four Mondays later there were thirty days of devotionals for the Participant's Guide - done. Completely.

Three editors agreed to read through everything - a theologian, an educator, and an English major - and by mid-July the whole project was complete: a 7 week small group curriculum, 6 weeks of devotionals, and 6 weeks of sermons - all centered on the theme of His Story, My Story, Our Story: Living Like Jesus.

It was introduced by the end of the summer and we started in September. And the Holy Spirit moved. Mightily. The stories of individual stirrings, of intimacy deepened, of decisions to love like Jesus, of lives devoted to live like Jesus, these were the reasons it was written and each testimony brought joy to my soul.

And this week, "the book" was signed by every person who desires to live like Jesus, each individual who doesn't want this study to be just a good idea but who wants it to be life changing. This book stood in the lobby as a symbol of our topic for the past several months. Today, it was joked that we were going to have a book signing, that I was going to have a book signing. But it wasn't me. I was asked to join the Good Doctor in standing with the book, to encourage those who came up to sign. But I couldn't speak. I was overcome with emotion. Joy. Pure joy. To see some of my children come forward to sign the book. To see friends whose stories include great adversity, brokenness, and healing and now embracing their roles with grace and mercy. To see friends whose stories are intertwined with our family's stories. To see friends who are struggling to accept their stories and claim their role in God's story. To see every age represented. To see the line just keep coming and coming and coming. And to hear one of my favorite hymns being sung in the background, "Take My Life..." This was why God wanted the curriculum written. This was why He gave the words so quickly and easily. This is why it was written - so that every single person can go out and love deeply and sacrificially. So that together we can be uncomfortable so that others can be comfortable. So that collectively we can impact that Kingdom for Christ.

I imagine Jesus was standing there, too. This isn't my book. This isn't my curriculum. It's His. It's His story. All His. I know this is true because some days as I read the devotional to HopeAnne, I think, "I wrote that? I don't remember writing that." I get one little part in His grand story. I want to live my story well. I want you to live yours, too.

And my Jesus smiled.

You've been in the Son

I'm learning the joy and value of spending time in God's Presence. Several years ago we watched Compelled by Love, a documentary about Heidi Baker and her ministry to the people of Mozambique. In the documentary, she says that she has to spend 3 hours soaking the presence of her Savior daily and that without that time, she couldn't do what she is doing. I know I'm not Heidi Baker and I don't live in her culture, but that comment has not left me. She's right. We can't expect to serve if we aren't being filled by the One who gives us the life and breath to serve.

This morning as I was soaking and praying and listening, Jesus and I went for a walk on the beach. Nothing unusual there, that's often where He takes me and I love the conversations we have in my sanctified imagination. But this morning, He walked me into the water, just where the waves were lapping around our feet. We stopped walking and He turned my face toward the sun and told me to look at it. He said, "Just as people know you've been in the sun when they see your tanned skin, people will know you've been with the Son because you will radiate me."

"When they saw the courage of Peter and John and realized that they were unschooled, ordinary men, they were astonished and they took note that these men had been with Jesus. Acts 4:13

These were the same men who cowered in fear when Jesus was arrested and crucified. But they didn't stay there. We do grow and mature in the Spirit but only if we spend time with Jesus. The Message translation says, "...they were seen as companions of Jesus." I want to be seen as a companion of Jesus, too!

Unfinished

I recently led a Bible study using the book Unfinished by Richard Stearns. The premise of the book is that we all have unfinished stories that need to be surrendered to God so they can be used for His unfinished work - to reach every nation and tongue on earth. (Matt. 24: 14) We encouraged each other to memorize Jesus'/our mission statement (Isaiah 61: 1 - 3), to grow in intimacy by committing to spending 30 minutes more with Jesus each day, and to think through our individual stories to share at the culmination of the class. To say that I was blessed by this group of women would be an understatement. I can't wait to see how each one of us is going to impact the world for Christ by spreading His love to those with whom we come in contact.

As each of us shared our stories and how we see God leading us into our calling, there were some themes and truths that came up over and over. I asked the women for permission to share these truths and since none of them are specific to any one individual, everyone agreed.

So here is what I learned from this brave group of women:

-We all have residual effects of having grown up with broken, sinful parents, siblings, teachers, and friends - the people close to us who loved us and cared for us.  This gives me hope as I parent my children because God is there in the midst of my failures. He will use the broken people in my past just as He will use my brokenness in my interactions with those I love.  

-At some point in our lives, we need to recognize that we have a choice - to be bitter and angry about things that happened in our past, or to seek healing and forgiveness, and to move on. We can become bitter or angry or continue to believe the lies that are rooted in childhood or we can allow God to heal and work through them. It's often not a one-time experience but is the ever-going work of God in our lives.

-Bringing our stories to the light reminds us that we are not alone. Satan likes to keep our stories hidden so he can use them against us and feed us lies about our inadequacies and brokenness. But darkness cannot be found in the light!

-What we see on the outside of each person we meet hides so much! Remembering this will change how we interact with others.

-It’s when we move from “knowing about God” to “knowing God” that He can start to use us for His glory. We have to pursue Him. There is no other way. Related to this, it’s okay that we don’t completely understand God.

-God is faithful!

-God is an amazing, creative Author and every single story is good!

-Nothing is beyond God’s redemption!

-God uses our brokenness and blesses it. One person said it this way: God holds our brokenness under the blessing of our belovedness.

-Our greatest desire should be to see God glorified - no matter what comes our way.

-To God, everything in my life makes sense. Nothing is insignificant. And I don’t have to try to figure it out.

-I am a child of God!

12 children

I recently had the opportunity to speak with a woman who has 12 children, 9 of whom are adopted. She is one of the women who I would say influenced who I am today and the family that I have. Two of her adopted daughters were in my class in school and as her family was an anomaly in the community, everyone knew of them.

She was in the audience at a program we gave. When The Good Doctor got around to his usual, ..."we know that not every family is called to foster or adopt, or have a large family, or to have a family band...anyone here do any of these things?" I knew he was in for a surprise this time. Sure enough, she raised her hand and with a big smile told him of her family and her 12 children.

After the program, she had her assistant push her wheelchair over to me where I was delighted to chat with her for a bit.  Together, we talked about what we've learned, her having much more experience (with her 30+ grandchildren, 20+ great-grandchildren, and 2 great-great grandchildren) than me...

We are thankful that God is going to one day say, "Well done my good and faithful servant," not "Well done my good and successful servant."

Sometimes when we pray that God will change a child and his actions, God responds that I am the one who needs to change.

When God calls you and you trust His plan for your life, your obedience will be blessed but not in the ways the world might think.

Joy comes through obedience, no matter the trials.

It was so good to see her smile as she talked about her family. It truly did brighten her whole, frail face. I know her road has not been easy but the joy of her Lord has clearly been her strength.

I pray that someday the same will be said of me.

What if?

I had the privilege of speaking at our church's womens' retreat this weekend. The theme for the weekend was Called and Connected, two topics which I am passionate about. I could say the best part about the retreat was being accidentally introduced as Pastor Cindy. Anyone who knows me would know how hilarious I find that. In actuality, for me, the best part was the variety of ways provided for people to connect with God.

The other speaker and I are complete opposites. She's an extrovert; I'm an introvert. She functions out of passion; I function out of discipline. I need a timeline and rules; she refused to put ending times to our sessions. Sessions weren't just speakers, there was worship and a reading, solos sung over us, and a prophetic painter to watch. And if you aren't an auditory learner and have a difficult time sitting and connecting to a speaker (like me), you could find a table for journeling or an art table (perfect for my artsy daughter).

I ended my last session with this list of What Ifs and was asked to share it so here it is for the other visual learners.

What If?
By Cindy King
(Written based on Scripture, some of my favorite quotes by leaders in church history, and a godtube video on discipling)

What if we were so connected to our First Love that we could see every experience, every circumstance, every step of our journey, as part of a perfect preparation for a future that only God could orchestrate? What if we saw our pasts as the back story necessary for the character development and transformation needed to make us more like the Christ we say we follow?

What if we saw ourselves exactly as God sees us? Not more than we are and certainly not less than He made us to be? Wouldn’t our lives shine with God’s glory? And wouldn’t that give others permission to do the same?

What if we stopped asking God to change others but instead asked Him to change us so that with His spirit flowing through us, others will be changed.

What if God’s people returned to the mission Jesus so beautifully modeled for us, to disciple believers and to care for the least of these?

What if when we heard God asking, “Whom shall I send?” our response was an immediate, “Here am I. Send me”?

What if we truly followed Jesus’ directive to “Go”?

And what if “Go” looked less like Christians flocking into their comfortable, entertaining homes and churches, and more like His people moving out into the world, spreading joy, and hope, and love?

What if we were less concerned about the buildings we live, and work, and worship in and more concerned for the lost? Might it mean less stress, expenses and debt for us as well as meeting the needs of those who have no hope?

What if we kept our treasures where they were meant to be, in Heaven rather than on earth?

Would we also be more free to experience His love and in turn to lead, to liberate, to launch, and to share the love of God?

What if we were less focused on making money but more focused on making disciples and improving the lives of others?

What if we remembered that in Heaven it’s not going to matter what we accumulated here on Earth or even how many good things we did while here, but what will matter is whose life we mirrored, and if we loved like He loved?

What if we remembered that we weren’t called to the healthy or the easy or the sinless but that we were called to care for the sick, the marginalized, the ones who may not respond as we’d hoped, or who might continue to fail again and again?

What if we remembered that Christ was willing to give up His life for us and for every single person we encountered? Would we be more willing to give up our time, energy, money, ego, or reputation?

What if we simply looked at the hurting people around us and loved them?

Like Peter did.

Like Paul did.

Like Mother Teresa did.

Like Corrie ten Boom did.

Like Jesus did.

It won’t be easy, but He commands us to go and He promises it will be worth it.

The rock of 40 dollars

It's been a tough 2 months for the King clan. Rough seasons with several of the children, some financial stressors, a horrible respiratory and head cold, back pain flare up from an old injury, having to put our dog to sleep, and now the stomach flu. Mix into that dealing with a special needs child who has behavior and sleep issues along with visual impairments. And of course lack of maternal sleep due to sickness, a blind child, and just general insomnia, and it has felt like we just can't catch a break. At 2AM when HopeAnne started throwing up, all I could do was laugh and declare this latest attack to be "preposterous." And I thought that would be my new word for this season.

Then in Bible study this morning, we talked about Deuteronomy 4:9:

Only be careful, and watch yourselves closely so that you do not forget the things your eyes have seen or let them fade from your heart as long as you live. Teach them to your children and to their children after them.

We talked about how important it is to remember the ways that God has answered our prayers in the past, and to never forget His constant care for us.

It's so easy to laugh at the Israelites who not only knew God's past provision through the oral tradition of Jewish history, but who had seen God's hand at work in their salvation from Egypt, the parting of the sea, walking through on dry ground, and numerous miracles after that. But then in chapter 4 of Deuteronomy, God knows it's necessary to give them a reminder:

Only be careful, and watch yourselves closely so that you do not forget the things your eyes have seen or let them fade from your heart as long as you live. Teach them to your children and to their children after them.

And we're the same way. We so easily forget. We need this reminder, too. I need this reminder.

How do we keep our finite minds from forgetting the works of our infinite yet personal God? For me, it's writing them down. Keeping a list. But not a paper list that can be lost or crumpled, but rather on rocks to display as a constant reminder.

Not long after I left Bible study this morning, someone approached me. "Cindy," he said, "this morning I put some money in my pocket and God told me I would know who it was supposed to be for. And now I know." He handed me the money and left.

How do you adequately show your gratitude in a situation like that? By his act of obedience, he gave our family so much more than a financial gift. He changed my "preposterous" season into one of  hope. He added another rock to our collection of answers to prayer.

God spoke through that gift, clearly telling me that He does see me. He does care about my family. He has never left us. He is always here. I can trust Him.

Sometimes we get to be the giver. Sometimes we need to be the receiver.

Flying high

There is a video that keeps replaying in my mind. In this video I see Peter Pan appear for the first time, leaping over the nursery windowsill with ease, flying onto the stage. What comes through even larger in that internally repeating frame is the joy radiating from Peter Pan because this isn't just another musical. This isn't just the opportunity of a lifetime. This isn't the result of some lucky break.

This is a calling. And when people live out their calling, others can't help but notice.

There is talent, yes, but there is also joy.

There's no need to put others down. There's no need to wish poorly on others. There's no need to brag or puff oneself up. There's no need to compare or to try to be like someone else.

In fact, when truly living out of one's calling, you will live in the opposite spirit. You will be known as one who lifts others up, who encourages, and who shines a light that others can't help but notice.

So as I enjoyed watching Mariana live her dream in Peter Pan, and I listened to the many people who came to tell me how amazing she was, it was what most of them said next that made my heart burst with pride. Mothers and students and teachers all telling me that while Mariana's talent got her this role, her spirit, humility, and encouragement of others is what truly stands out.

Yes, she was Peter Pan but she could have been the dog (as two peers suggested she should be) and she still would have been the first to encourage, the first to inspire, and the first to shine.

That is knowing who you belong to, who calls you Beloved, and what He made you to be.

Congratulations, Mariana! The day will come again when you find yourself in the ensemble or in a role you didn't desire, whether because of politics or talent but I am confident that you will always be known more for the light you shine than the one shining on you.

And that makes me prouder than you can imagine.

Just waiting

On February 3rd of this year, my good friend, Kym, sent me these words from Psalm 130:5-6:

I wait for the Lord, my soul waits, and in His word I put my hope.
My soul waits for the Lord more than watchmen wait for the morning.

At the time, we were in a period of waiting for a potential adoption situation.  Our profile had been presented to an expectant mother and we were awaiting her response.  Between December, when we were home study ready, and April 20, when Victor's case showed up, we presented to numerous expectant mothers.  In the beginning I kept count, after 2 or 3 months, I lost count.  There were very few situations to which we said no.  It was difficult to say no, it was a roller coaster to say yes, and it was heartbreaking to be told no.  But still, we waited.  And I pondered on these words from Psalm 130.  What does it mean to wait more than watchmen wait for the morning?

How does a watchman wait?  A watchman is armed.  He is a defender.  He knows his territory well.  But he does a lot of waiting.  He watches.  He is alert.  He tires.  There is most often nothing to do but be ready, watch expectantly, and wait for something to happen or your shift to be over.

We wait for so many things in life.  But do we watch MORE than watchmen wait for the morning? I suspect that more often we barely watch the same way a watchman would wait for the morning.

So in this season of waiting I am learning to watch more than the watchman waits.  I do not leave my apartment until I have armed myself for the day.  I am learning my territory well.  I am alert and watchful.  I am learning to wait well.

Victor had a rough morning yesterday.  Similar to the events that happened while I was holding him, he's struggling with moments of apnea.  They knew immediately that they were associated with his feedings, but it took a good half day to figure out how to support him during his feedings so that it didn't happen.  A wonderful respiratory therapist actually sat with Victor during an afternoon feeding yesterday and played with his respiratory support settings until he had it figured out.  Between then and the time that I left, Victor's dips were not going so dangerously low.  It means that his ventilator support, which they had been lowering, has now been raised again, but this is life with a preemie.  We always need to keep in mind that Victor should be enjoying his last trimester, still inside his mother, where he would not need to be doing any of these things; breathing, eating, digesting, etc.  Now he is being asked to do all of them, in a body that can't support itself.  As he grows and matures, and as his systems catch up, then adjustments will again be made.

Praise God for the knowledge that He has given to the doctors and especially, for the time that this RT took to really look and adjust.

They plan to continue to increase Victor's feeds today so pray that his digestive system continues to tolerate this and work as it is supposed to.  Pray that it quickly catches up.  He is now 1 lb. 14 oz., one ounce past his birth weight.  We are going in the right direction!

Pray for his respiratory system as it develops as well.

Pray that I can hold my son again today.  As long as he is doing well, he can be held once a day now.

Please pray for the finances of this adoption.  Please help by sharing our adopttogether link.

Pray that I will be able to wait MORE than the watchman waits for morning.

Thank you.

No fear

It's hard to believe that in just one short week I went from PA to Utah to PA to Virginia to DC to Utah. Seven short days.  I'm ready to just be in one state for a time.  Utah?  Why not.

A delay on my connecting flight kept me in Chicago an hour longer than I would have liked yesterday, when my little Victor was waiting for me.  The pilot knew I was in a hurry, though, so made up for lost time and we arrived in Salt Lake just a little behind schedule.  The nurse was just finishing his care and said that once his feeding had time to schedule I could finally hold him!

It was the longest three hours of waiting!  But finally they placed him on my chest.  It took a few minutes but he settled in and his breathing regulated nicely.  They combined his feeding with his holding.  Our big boy is up to 11 ml of milk per feeding!  And I truly could see that he's filled out a little.  Barely noticeable but definitely there.  He's been having trouble with spitting up, though, and sure enough, about 20 minutes into the feeding he spit up a little.  Barely enough to call spilled milk but to his tiny body it was too much.  He sucked a little of it back into his nose and proceeded to set off all the bells and whistles on his machines.  The nurses swarmed in, called the nurse practitioner on duty and quickly had him back to a nice pink color again.

How quickly things can change.  They keep reminding me that such is the life with a preemie.  But in reality, it's not that different from life in general.  We can make all the plans that we want, and can think we have everything under control when in reality, we control nothing around us.

I was reading in Psalm 20 this morning and made a list of all of the things this passage says we are to do and paralleled that with all of the things God promises to do.  I was struck by the fact that there is very little we actually need to do.  It pretty much boils down to simply trusting him.  On the other hand,  God promises to much for us.  It's kind of like the faith of my 8 year old who made this sign for me the day I was going to the doctor for the repeat tests.

HopeAnne added the post-it note.

So today, I am going to trust.  I am going to fear not. I am not going to worry about the "coulds" and "mights" but instead focus on the God who protects.

"Some trust in doctors and some in medical technology, but we trust in the name of the Lord our God." (Psalm 20 - kind of)

Please also read this post by Mariana, about the faith of our little 8 year old.  Then join her in praying that Victor will amaze and will be home early.

Please pray today for his feeding issues, that he would not spit up.  He needs every little bit of that nourishment and it just upsets him so.

Pray that his oxygen needs would remain low and that the weaning of the machines would be a steady step in the right direction, not an up and down process that is more typical.

Pray that everyone around Victor would have open eyes to see the miracles in his life.

Redemption

Words to songs have been so meaningful in this journey.  As I woke up this morning I was reminded of  the words that were in my head 7 days ago, words that led to the adoption of Victor.  The words came from the chorus of "Redeemed, How I Love to Proclaim It".

Redeemed, redeeemed,
Redeemed by the blood of the Lamb,
Redeemed, redeemed,
His child, and forever, I am.

Adoption is often described as redemption.  Satan targets the most vulnerable, widows and orphans, and redemption is buying them back.  And it's not just about redeeming the children.  For many of us, it is our desire to also speak truth and love to birth mothers who feel hopelessness and despair.  To say I not only love your child, but I love and honor you as well.

Yesterday in our local news, the story of the day was of a 19 year old high school student who delivered a baby in the school restroom and dumped him in the trash can where he was found later by a janitor.  So many comments focused on the evil of this event and wondering what kind of evil person could do such a thing.  What she did was wrong, yes, but as I looked at her face in the photo, I saw utter hopelessness and despair that started long before she delivered her son.  I saw a young woman who has so little support and encouragement around her that she did the only thing she felt she could do.  There wasn't one person who showed unconditional love and acceptance to her?  Giving her love and life and hope?  Walking with her through this very difficult time?

This is what we are called to do.  We can't sit around and talk about how horrible this young woman is, or how horrible her act.  We need to symbolically put down the sign, whatever the picket sign might be in the situation.  We need to put down the sign and do something.  Love someone.  Give help where help is needed.  This is crazy love.  But it's the kind of love to which we are called.  If we say we love God and Jesus is our example, then we  need to love the least of these with the same kind of crazy love He modeled.  It's messy.  Some won't understand.  But to redeem a life?  That's why we're here.

"Then the King will say to those on his right, 'Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world.  For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.'"  Matthew 25: 34-36

And our little redeemed one?  Another phone call to the nurse last night brought more good news, Victor is tolerating 6 ml feedings (up from 2 ml!).  Pray that his body continues to tolerate this and that his heart and lungs and other organ systems can keep up.  Pray for no setbacks which are so common in the roller coaster of preemie life.  Pray for no infection.

But also pray for yourself and your day today.  Who did God put in your life, to love unconditionally, to bring hope and life?  Don't just sit there!  Do something!  We aren't all called to redeem through adoption, but we are all called to bring redemption to our own sphere of influence.

If you see me dancing

If you saw me driving along 81 on Thursday, please excuse my actions.  If you saw me yelling at no one in particular, when I was the only one in the vehicle, you may have questioned my sanity.  But if you were in my shoes, you might have done the same thing because you see, after a week of one attack after another, I spent that whole ride yelling at Satan to leave me and my family and this little baby alone!  I do not swear by nature but it got as colorful as I could muster.  I told him that the victory had already been won by the blood of Jesus and that he was going down.  I reminded him that I had a blog and that because he continued to attack, I was going to go public with us; I was going to tell the story of his cheap shots and his demise.

My breast cancer scare started about a week before April 20.  Of course it did.  We knew something was going to happen that day.  Looking back, I realize that it all began about the same time that Noah's precious mother was having complications and delivering her baby.  I started to have pain and my self-examination led me to several diagnoses, all of which were most definitely fatal.  I decided to leave it in the hands of the doctor so I made myself an appointment.  I explained the pain, an overall achy feeling and fatigue.  She told me I had spring allergies and scheduled a mammogram for Monday, April 22.

Of course this was all very distracting to the adoption discussion so I asked my dear praying friends to cover the situation in prayer.  I went to the appointment thinking all would be well.  The next day I received a call telling me that I needed to return for a follow-up and to be prepared for an ultrasound as well.  I explained that we were considering an adoption situation and that I might possibly need to be out of state for a period of time, could they please give me their earliest appointment to get this over with.  So I was scheduled for Thursday afternoon.

The distraction and fear were overwhelming.  It was only the prayers of my prayer warriors that kept me from sinking further down the well of anxiety.  I felt like I was carrying weighted backpacks of fear, distraction, pain, and anxiety.  How could we discuss adopting when at my worst moments I was sure I was dying?  A whole lot of faith there, huh?  As I prayed on Wednesday morning, I saw myself walking along the beach holding Jesus' hand.  He looked at me and said, "You don't have breast cancer.  Now go."  I had such an overwhelming peace.  But because of my frail humanness, it was short-lived.  A praying friend wrote to say that she sensed she was to tell me that our decision about adoption was not to be dependent upon the results of Thursday afternoon's appointment.  So we decided that we would make our final decision Thursday morning.

One friend wrote back to our SOS call for prayer, "UNVELIEVABLE!  Satan takes such cheap shots!  He's a liar!"  She wrote back and said, "This is a big deal and the enemy is threatened.  Noah has a destiny and a purpose that will blow us away.  I always feel so amused that Satan gets so bent out of shape about the 'least of these', the weakest of the weak...it's because he knows, HE KNOWS that there is power in life redeemed.  You will NOT be shaken today, my friend.  Jesus goes before you and He s your rear guard too!"

In the midst of this we called our personal out of state physician, the one who has actually made more correct diagnoses in my life and given me the best medical advice on numerous occasions, compared to my local doctors.  Without telling her all of my symptoms, just mentioning the pain, she diagnosed an infection.  She called in a prescription and we waited.

Thursday morning we knew that we had to say yes to Victor.  We prayed, we made the phone call to Utah, and we waited for my appointment in the afternoon.  The pain was still there so I prayed that they would find nothing in the first test and that I could go home immediately.

But Satan was not finished.  After the first scan they sent me back to the waiting room to wait.  Then the radiologist wanted another scan.  Then I waited again.  Then yes, he wanted the ultrasound as well.  I've had enough ultrasounds in my life to realize that she wasn't finding anything.  After a little while she left the room saying the radiologist himself might want to come back for more pictures.  So I waited again.  I lay there for 15 minutes, alone.  Hoping there were no hidden cameras in the room I just whispered the name of Jesus over and over and over again.  Finally, the technician came back into the room and announced, "You're free to go.  They found nothing."  I think I might have offended her slightly when I explained that I knew it, I knew that Satan was just using this to distract.  I told her about the adoption and we had a lovely discussion on the topic.

If I could have, I would have danced the whole way home.  But the van made the 15 mile trip a whole lot faster.

About an hour later we got this sweet message from our case worker:
From Noah's birthmother: "Ok they won my heart and I am more than happy to choose them."

Jesus, thank you that the victory is already won.  Thank you for holding me up when I couldn't do it myself.  Thank you for each twinge of pain that reminded me to pray for our birthmother and her son, even when I didn't know who she was yet.  Thank you for teaching me to let others help carry the burden.  Thank you for teaching me so much about prayer.  Thank you for once again demonstrating to all that we have power through your shed blood.  Thank you for the power in your name.  Thank you for this experience that has grown me so much in my faith.  Amen.

We'll join in singing with all the redeemed
'Cause Satan is vanquished and Jesus is King!  (Listen here)

Victorious

Way back at the beginning of February, I was praying over a potential match.  As I prayed for the birth mother, her child, and the uncertainty of adoption, I clearly heard the phrase, "Your child will be victorious."  I've clung to that, particularly in times of being presented to situations that were riskier than others.

In March, we asked our prayer warrior friends to pray for us concerning a potential match involving a 6 year old boy.  We were torn.  We know it's harder to place older children but we had decided we didn't want to mess with birth order this time around; we wanted a child age 5 or under.  As our friends searched God's heart with us, one friend came back with an interesting word from God, "Disabled."  Confusing, to say the least.  While I had grown up with the passion to adopt 20 or more special needs children, the Good Doctor had no such passion.  And by this point, I wasn't sure that adding a disabled child to a home with such large numbers was the greatest idea.  But like any word that comes from these trusted Christian friends, I pondered it in my heart and added it to my word - disabled but victorious.

We did decide to present to the situation with the 6 year old but another family was chosen.  And as only Jesus can do, it was sealed with a Heavenly surprise: The chosen family "just happened" to be on their way to a spring break vacation, traveling through the area where this mother and her son lived.  They were able to stop in and meet them right away.  So I tucked both of these words away and they became part of my prayers for our future child.  I wrote the word VICTORIOUS in the center of a page in my journal and circled it.  I told God I wasn't going to stop praying until our victorious child was home.  Little did I know what was coming.

1 Samuel 1:27 - I prayed for this child, and the Lord has granted me what I asked of Him.

When each of our children was little I chose a Bible verse to pray over them.  For some, the verse came to me when they were very young.  For others, I went through several verses before settling on "the one."  It's amazing to pray each child's verse over him or her and to see how fitting it is for his or her situation.  Their verses are posted on their pictures that hang in the hallway so we can all be reminded of God's promises to them.

As I started to explore verses for Victor, I found several that speak to victory.  Someday I'll narrow it down to just one, but for now, please join me in praying these over Victor.  The neat thing about the Psalm 20 passage is that during our wedding ceremony, John and I shared Bible verses that would guide our marriage and verse 7 of this passage was one of the verses we read that day.

1 Corinthians 15:54-58

When the perishable has been clothed with the imperishable, and the mortal with immortality, then the saying that is written will come true: “Death has been swallowed up in victory.”^[a]

 “Where, O death, is your victory?
    Where, O death, is your sting?”^[b]

The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law. But thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.

Therefore, my dear brothers and sisters, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain.

1 John 5:1-4
Everyone who believes that Jesus is the Christ is born of God, and everyone who loves the father loves his child as well. This is how we know that we love the children of God: by loving God and carrying out his commands. In fact, this is love for God: to keep his commands.And his commands are not burdensome,  for everyone born of God overcomes the world. This is the victory that has overcome the world, even our faith.  Who is it that overcomes the world? Only the one who believes that Jesus is the Son of God.

Psalm 20: 1-8

May the Lord answer you when you are in distress;
    may the name of the God of Jacob protect you.
 May he send you help from the sanctuary
    and grant you support from Zion.
 May he remember all your sacrifices
    and accept your burnt offerings.^[b]
 May he give you the desire of your heart
    and make all your plans succeed.
 May we shout for joy over your victory
    and lift up our banners in the name of our God.

May the Lord grant all your requests.

 Now this I know:
    The Lord gives victory to his anointed.
He answers him from his heavenly sanctuary
    with the victorious power of his right hand.

Some trust in chariots and some in horses,
    but we trust in the name of the Lord our God.
 They are brought to their knees and fall,

    but we rise up and stand firm.

We stepped out of the boat

Dear Friends and Family,

We are writing this note to let you know that we said yes!  As you know, we’ve been in the midst of our third adoption journey.  It was January 2012 when we both felt God’s call to pursue another adoption.  By July we had started talking with an adoption consultant and found a local home study agency.  We were home study ready at the end of Nov. and the first weekend of Dec. we prayed over and sent out our first round of applications to agencies.

Almost immediately possible situations started coming.  It was heartbreaking to choose which birth mothers we wanted to be presented to, to turn some down, to say yes to others, only to find that we had not been chosen.  It was a definite emotional roller coaster, not for the faint of heart.

A little over a month ago, while we were in the midst of Mark Batterson’s 40 Day Prayer Challenge, Eden came to me and said that she felt like we were to pray more specifically for a baby.  She decided to choose a date and to ask God to either give us a child or a match by that date.  April 20^th was chosen and a few days later she told me that she had added 5PM to her prayers.  So, as I physically circled the block praying for birth mothers and our future child, she would join me, sometimes simply repeating, “Baby.  April 20.  5PM.”  I had a feeling God was going to honor the prayers of that child.

We waited expectantly for Saturday, April 20.  That day we had a concert in the afternoon and arrived home at 4:00.  I immediately checked my inbox and found three potential situations from an agency in Utah.  Two were more typical scenarios with expectant mothers due in a month or two.  The third situation was a baby boy who had been born April 13 at 25 weeks gestation, nicknamed The Little Fighter by the nurses.  Noah, as his birth mother had named him, had been matched with a family, but when he arrived early, the family changed their minds.  His birth mother was waiting in Utah, feeling hopeless for a family for this little boy.  We presented our profiles to the other two situations but we just couldn’t close the door on the third.  We continued to receive updates.  We asked questions.  We prayed.  Oh, how we prayed.  Several of our prayer warrior friends stormed Heaven’s gates with us, asking for clarity and direction.  And the answers came, one after the other.

But it wasn’t without battle.  The spiritual attack has been so strong, particularly to me (Cindy), physically, emotionally, and spiritually.  When we could no longer lift our hands in the battle, our friends surrounded us, holding us up as Aaron and Hur lifted Moses’ hands.  We can’t thank them enough.  In the same day, two friends had the same idea, sending messages that said, “Noah must be a world changer.  The fight to get him to you has been a big one!” and “He will amaze and God will use him in significant ways.”  Redeeming a life never comes without battle and pain.  Jesus suffered for me, I am willing to do the same for this little fighter.

Noah’s fight is far from over.  Starting life at 1 lb. 13 oz., he’s currently around 1 lb. 10 oz. but tolerating small amounts of food and receiving some oxygen support.  We’ve spoken to one of his NICU nurses who gave us every possible life-threatening situation common to premature infants.  We’ve never walked this path before but we know those who have.  We know the risk is great.  We know that his future health is not secure.  We know that we could come home with empty arms.  But after a week of wrestling, we can’t say no.

We know this is crazy.  We know that it makes no earthly sense. Like Noah building a boat on dry land, like David offering to slay a giant, like Peter stepping out onto the water, we're trusting the hand that's leading us onto the red carpet with a tiny, barely 2 pound baby boy on the other end..  Through the years we’ve been learning to put action to our faith and this is just another step of obedience, albeit a large step. 

So many signs pointed us to saying yes.  Those will be subjects of blog posts for months to come.  In the meantime, we have the task of trying to organize life for 7 children, with a major upheaval on the horizon.  We will both need to be in Utah for 2 – 3 days signing paperwork.  John will then return home while I stay in Utah.  My stay is indefinite.  The case worker mentioned the possibility of transferring him to a PA hospital once all adoption paperwork has cleared and he is stable but we know this is an expensive longshot.  We are prepared for me to be away for several months.  I will definitely fly home for Andrew’s graduation in June (but Eden has already begun to pray that her little brother is home by May 28 so that I can be home as well).

We can’t do this alone.  Many people have told us that they don’t feel led to adopt but they want to help.  You’ve already been in prayer for us, you’ve bought cookies, and supported other fundraisers.  So, if you’re wondering how you can help now, here’s our initial list:

Prayers.  Please pray!  Pray like you’ve never prayed before.  Pray for the spiritual warfare that’s going on around the King house and in my body and mind right now.  Pray for Noah and his birth mother, who we hope to meet when we get there.  Pray that he defies the odds, and displays miracle upon miracle to his doctors. Pray for this life that is to be redeemed.  Pray for the finances that need to be collected.  Pray for strength for Cindy who will be alone in Utah (with our good friend, Katrina, not too far away), fielding medical reports from doctors and bringing the love of 8 family members far away in PA.  Pray for the timing of us going to Utah.  John’s graduation is the first weekend in May so we could potentially wait until after that to fly out to Utah but that also means an extra week of this little boy being without his family.  It may also mean we don’t get to meet his birth mother.

This weekend (or whenever the two of us are gone).  Our flight plans are still up in the air but will be sometime this weekend.  We will need help with childcare (in your home or ours) and transportation while we are both gone.  We may need transportation to and from the airport.

Flexibility.  If we’ve made plans with you in the next few months, these may need to be changed or postponed.  If our children take lessons from you, their practice may not be as regular or as structured with Cindy gone.  We may have a week where we just can’t find someone to transport to two places at once.  Please be patient with us.  We will try to work out our schedule a week at a time and notify you of any pending changes.

Ongoing Childcare.  John will continue to need help with childcare during the day and possibly some evenings when he has meetings and the older children aren’t home.  They know how to do much by themselves but we’d like someone to supervise (crowd control).

Ongoing Transportation.  With seven children, it sometimes takes three drivers to get everyone where they need to go.  He will need people to take a shift driving a child or two.

Financially.  Adoption is not without cost.  It can be argued that if you can’t afford it, why are you doing it?  Unlike having a biological child, adoption comes with steep upfront costs (agency fees, birth mother expenses, medical bills, lawyer’s fees, etc.) and then will come the typical expenses of raising a child.  There are very few people who could afford all of the upfront fees without help and there are too many children waiting to expect the extravagantly wealthy to raise them all.  Thanks to our fundraising efforts to this point we have paid for the home study, application fees, and have a small portion of the initial adoption fees saved up.  But we’ve only just begun.  We hope to set up an adopttogether account through which donations can be tax deductible.  We will let you know when that happens.

We thank you in advance, knowing that words cannot adequately thank you.

Oh, and one more thing, since we already have a nephew named Noah, we’ve decided to use that as his middle name.  From here on out he is Victor Noah King.  God has promised that he will be victorious!  He will have a story to tell to the nations.