Train, point, teach, start

Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it. (KJV)

About this time each year, and on into the fall, I start to see blogs and posts about the pain of sending an adult child to college or into the workplace. I understand the sadness at seeing them go but for me, these transitions have been more joy than sorrow. Don't get me wrong; I shed my share of tears as we say our "final" good-bye, leaving another first year student behind. But even some of those tears are tears of joy.

I see my role as parent exactly as I find it in Proverbs 22:6:
Point your kids in the right direction - when they're old they won't be lost. (The Message)

Yes, this is first and foremost to give them a firm foundation and the ability to think for themselves so that as they go, and wherever they go, they will ...
...Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind...
...Love your neighbor as yourself...
...You are the light of the world...
...The Spirit of the Lord is on me, because He has anointed me to proclaim good news to the poor. He has sent me to proclaim freedom for the prisoners and recovery of sight for the blind
to set the oppressed free, to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor....
...and so much more...

Teach a child to choose the right path, and when he is older, he will remain upon it. (Living Bible)

But I strongly believe my role as parent is also to help my children find their God-given gifts, passions, and talents, and to find ways to strengthen these gifts so that they will be prepared to use them as adults. I need to provide opportunity for exploring their gifts, for talking with mentors and professionals in those areas, and to be guided by individuals who are already doing those things. When possible, to also give them opportunities to test these skills and interests.

Sometimes this is easy. A child comes into this world with her mouth wide open, projecting to the other side of the hospital wing. Sometimes it takes a bit longer, testing out interests in missions, architecture, and flying, before finding that ability to connect to younger children; to guide and to teach the next generation. And sometimes it's right in the middle, waiting until that upper elementary school child gets his hands on a video camera for the first time and you quickly see the creativity to write and the eye for the perfect camera angle and a visual story is not far behind.

Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it. (NIV)

This weekend was a parent's delight; the culmination of many years of looking for the way the child should go, identifying a mentor to teach and to guide, searching for camps and workshops to build the skills, and allowing him to go nine hours away to a school known for its technology, professors, and connections in the industry.

Andrew's college has an annual film festival for students to showcase their work. Documentaries and short films are submitted, a select few are chosen and during this weekend are judged by professionals in the field. Andrew submitted three films and had 1 chosen for the weekend. In addition, he and a friend auditioned for, and were selected to be co-hosts for the event. Of course we wouldn't miss it!

Their comedic timing was impeccable and their creativity in developing each segment was top-notch. We laughed and we cried from laughing some more.


And there were some surprises during the event.


T-shirts made by Andrew and Trevor and launched into the audience during one of their sketches.

Andrew told me he would be cross-dressing but that's all he would say. Hillary Clinton and The Donald, making an appearance to lead the voting for the audience choice award, ended up being one of my favorite sketches of the evening.

The best surprise - hearing Andrew's name announced as the winner of the Best Documentary award and having his film also win Best Audio Mix.

The line-up of winners for 2016

With Doug Jones (Hocus Pocus, Pan's Labyrinth, 

Fantastic 4:Rise of the Silver Surfer),

one of the judges

I Am Knightly team:

 Andrew King, Director; Abby Witt, Producer; Landers Pannell, Sound

Enjoying the limelight at the Highbridge reception

But maybe the most surprising surprise was that sweet Sarah was able to keep the secret of Andrew's award all afternoon. Being a part of the design team for the weekend, one of her jobs was to take the top-secret results of the judges' picks and type the winning names onto the certificates. She sat through all of dinner with us and spent time with Andrew in the hours between typing his name and the announcement of the award, and never gave even a hint.

One more year and there will be another transition in our home, from college to the workplace. We know that with Andrew's degree and skill set, the possibility of him landing a job close to home will be slim. And that's okay. We wouldn't want to ask him to anything other than what God has planned for him since before the day he was born.

Family mission

Once while entering the grocery store, the kids and I were happily surprised to see a friend with his son. They were on their way out so we stopped and chatted for a time. Maybe too long but the kids did a great job of entertaining themselves while the two adults talked about family mission. Yeah, at the grocery store. Who cares about the weather and pleasantries when there are more important things to discuss?

This father, who works in the business world, had a great point. He said, "I've never really thought about the idea of a family mission statement before but why not? As I've heard you talk about family mission I've been reminded that in the business world we're taught that a company without a mission will go nowhere. Of course the same would be true for a family!"

Yes! He got it! Maybe that's the easy part.

It makes sense and we're easily persuaded that a family mission is a necessary part of defining our family's DNA, but actually sitting down, praying about it, and writing out what comes next, well, that's the hard part.

We're busy.

We're distracted.

We feel inadequate.

We [fill in the blank]

But that is exactly why we need a family mission. Referring to it will remind us who we are, where we want our priorities to lie, and why we do what we do. When distractions come or when we know we are too busy or when we don't know where and how to spend our finances, our family mission can tell us what needs to be eliminated or where we need to spend more of our time, money, and focus.

So, how does one write a family mission statement? Generation to Generation by Wayne Rice has an excellent, easy-to-read chapter on writing a mission statement. Unfortunately it's also out of print which means that if you're not local to me, you'll have a hard time borrowing my copy. But honestly, long before Wayne Rice (or anyone else) was writing about family mission, there was the Holy Spirit to help you. Ask and you will receive, right?

But if you want one family's example, here you go:

Way back when there were only 3 children in the King clan and when only one of them could actually read and write, we sat down together in the living room and unrolled a large section or newsprint (remember those huge rolls of creativity-inducing goodness?) across the floor. We gave each child a marker and asked questions like these: What does our family do? What do we do to help others? Why do we do what we do?

The children wrote answers all of the paper. Well, one child wrote the answers. The other two drew pictures while we transcribed their answers. We used the results of that project to come up with the following family mission:

Teach and learn about God

Help and encourage each other

Enjoy activities together

Kindness to everyone

Imitate Christ

Never fight, hurt, or lie

Go where God leads

Family worship and prayer

Always serve God and others

Mom and Dad go on dates.

Immediately obey

Loving words and actions

Young and old are respected

And my favorite part of our family's mission? Mom and Dad go on dates. Because those were Andrew's exact words when he wrote them on the paper. After The Good Doctor and I had a nice chuckle over that, we realized that it was part of our mission since having a strong, everlasting marriage was most definitely part of our family's mission.

See, it doesn't even have to be a paragraph. It doesn't have to use flowy, wordy language. It doesn't need to follow a prescribed form. This one was written for a family with young children, in language they all could understand, and has been prominently displayed since.

Now it's your turn.

Real, safe conversation

What did your Thanksgiving look like?

I'm not talking about the weather. I'm not talking about the food.

I'm talking about the people around the table. Were the guests all talking together or were most of your family members looking at their own phones, scrolling through Facebook or checking emails?

Thankfully, my holiday was filled with much laughter and communication but sadly, this may be a lost art.

This is the first generation that thinks it's normal to sit in a group without participating in the group; to gather around a table while each person carries on his own conversation with friends far away.

Recently, my friend Susan Vigliano, posted a list of iphone guidelines. They were spot on. Our kids don't have phones but the older ones do have devices so we all sat down together and looked at Susan's list. We adapted it to fit our family, adding to parts, subtracting others, but all with the goals of safe device use and healthy social habits.

Grandparents and those without children aren't exempt from this, either. I recently spoke to a grandmother who told me that when she travels out of state to visit her grandchildren, she hates to sit down with them, only to have each of them pull out their phones and ignore her.  She has started to text them all while sitting amongst them, to remind them that she just traveled far to see them. And then there's the youtube video of a family sitting down to dinner and when the sons pull out their phones and distractedly pass the pepper instead of the salt, the father pulls out his typewriter and starts typing.

I highly recommend that you take this list, discuss it with your children and make it fit your own family or home. And parents, you might need to look at your own habits before you can enforce these guidelines among your children.

I Phone Guidelines for teens -- Copy and paste into a doc to go over with your teen.

1. It does not go to school.

2. It does not go into the bathroom.

3. It does not go into the bedroom.

4. It goes to bed with Mom and Dad at night.

5. It can go to youth group and church on Sunday to use the Bible Aps – no texting or games during teaching time. That’s really rude.

6. Only add apps that Dad approves.

7. The camera is for appropriate photos and video only. Anything mom can’t see isn’t appropriate. There should be no question or gray areas here.

8. Mom and Dad must have the passcode at all times and access to the I Phone anytime they ask.

9. No social media like Instagram, Snap Chat, Facebook etc….until we all agree that it’s a good idea. There are safety issues, but there are also other issues like social development that need careful thought. Developing teens don’t need to count their likes all day. That will make you weird and malformed. Your identity and security come from God. When we agree that it’s a good idea then we become your first friends and have access to your account. Any secret secondary accounts will result in high-level consequences. For instance – a season off sports and/or a long period of grounding.

10. Most of your conversations with friends should be in person, not over text. Text is not the same as communicating in person. People say things in text that they would not say to someone’s face. That makes development irregular. You are the first generation to develop in a significantly irregular way socially. Let’s limit this for that reason. Keep text to about 20% of all communication so that you don’t become a Franken-person.

11. Any more than 45 minutes a day of device use is harmful and unnecessary. People sitting in the same room interacting with other people through devices all the time is very strange and not appropriate. Please limit your use to no more than 45 min a day. Go outside. Go to the movies. Play a board game. Take a bike ride. You need to disconnect from multiple, ongoing conversations all the time. It’s really weird and unnatural. It can’t possibly be good for your brain or your social development. If you need studies, please let me know and I’ll find them. I think you already know this in your gut, but I’d be happy to prove it if you feel it necessary. Your brain needs some quiet and detachment each day. One of the signs of addiction is agitation when the substance is removed. If removal of your device causes agitation then we need to pay attention to that.

12. I don’t care what your friends are doing and what their parents let them do. Period.

13. Violations will result in confiscation of your device at ever increasing degrees for continued violations up to and including permanent loss. One week, one month, three months, six months….permanent loss.

14. Please sign here__________________________

Thanks, Susan!

Am I a bad parent?

Jesse was born with a gleam in his eye; an extra twinkle that spelled trouble before he even knew his alphabet. Our doctor said that Jesse knew he was going to be the middle child even before we knew he was going to be the middle child. (In case you are wondering, Jesse was indeed, the middle child for three whole years.)

I had my concerns as he entered kindergarten. Going to the same school where I had formerly taught and continued to sub and tutor students, I knew all of the teachers. Even before the first day of school I was imagining the awkward phone conversations with his teacher. "Hello, Cindy, can we talk about Jesse's classroom behavior?" Thankfully, the phone calls never came. They didn't need to. I volunteered in the classroom once a week; we had our conversations in person.

And then we moved. To a new community and a new church. I became the wife of the new pastor. And my kids were PKs in a new location. And nobody knew how awesome my children were.

The first Sunday came around and I went to pick up my middle child (who was technically no longer the middle child) from his new classroom. The teacher proceeded to tell me all the things Jesse had done wrong that Sunday. I don't know what it was specifically but it probably included being the life of the party (in Sunday School, where there wasn't supposed to be a party), creating ways to become the center of attention, and then basking in that attention.

Thankfully, the following Sunday, there was a different teacher. While there was a short mention of a few unacceptable behaviors, she sandwiched it between her joy at having Jesse in her class and calling out positive traits and behaviors she had seen.

The next few months went by like this. There were three teachers who genuinely loved and cared for Jesse and for our family. They would be sure to praise whatever good qualities they could find while gently sharing those behaviors that needed follow-up. But every other week, when that other teacher was there, I'd brace myself for a laundry list of bad behaviors. I began to feel so discouraged that sometimes I just didn't take him to class the weeks that she was there. I couldn't handle hearing one more negative comment about my son.

Those weeks, I'd leave feeling discouraged and angry. I convinced myself that I was a terrible parent and that this woman was judging both my parenting and The Good Doctor's ability to be a pastor, based solely on my son's behavior in class.

I share this story because as I talk with young mothers, I hear some familiar words and thoughts:

My child got kicked out of daycare for biting. What are we doing wrong?
My daughter's kindergarten teacher called. My daughter is hitting other children. I feel like a bad parent.

And as they get older, it's the same thing, but with different behaviors:
My son is failing math. Should I have prepared him better when he was a toddler?
A friend wrote on Facebook that all of the girls in her daughter's small group make fun of her daughter. My daughter is in that small group. Where did I fail in teaching her to accept and encourage everyone?

And it goes even beyond high school.

When do we get to let ourselves off the hook?

The answer is, way back at the very beginning. Yes, we need to search ourselves. A few hours in Mommy Time-out, seeking the Lord's wisdom is a good idea. But we also need to realize that our children have the same free will that we do. They are going to make mistakes just like we did and still do. If you go around hitting your peers, then I guess you probably are to blame for your child's hitting in school. But since that's very unlikely, then it's time to stop blaming yourself.

One more word of caution: This doesn't mean that you are free and clear. Remember that I said you need to spend time with the Lord and seek His wisdom in how to work with your child through this phase. You can't blame yourself or immediately decide that you are a bad parent, whether or not the teacher or coach makes you feel as if you are, however, it is imperative that we work with our children's teachers and coaches and whoever else is in a place of authority over our children. We need to have follow-through at home. Our children need to listen and be respectful and they can be taught this at very young ages. Some children need more guidance and reminders than others (take my "middle" child, for instance). But if adults don't enjoy being around our children, if their peers don't enjoy being around them, then they really cannot be salt and light.

And a final word of encouragement: That first grade boy who found the wrong ways to have fun and entertain his peers? He grew up into a high school senior, spending the first two periods of his day interning in a 3rd grade classroom. This morning his cooperating teacher visited our church. As I was being introduced to the teacher, that encouraging and positive first grade Sunday School teacher from long ago was standing next to me. She overheard the cooperating teacher talk about Jesse's natural talent for teaching and his rapport with the 3rd grade children, about his belief that Jesse will make a great teacher in a few years. She threw her arms up in the air and said, "I knew it! I just knew that God was going to redeem that energy and those behaviors!" And she's right.

I thank God for her prayers, for her smiles each week when I picked Jesse up from her classroom, for her love for him and our family. I thank God for redemption. And I thank God for grace. Grace for my children and grace for moms.

Mommy time-out

I have long been a proponent of Mommy Time-out as a means of discipline.  You know, the kind of discipline where you put yourself in time-out before speaking to a child or addressing a situation. I go to my safe place (ie. the bathroom), shut the door, and calm down. Then I'm ready to return.

Or I used to think that's how it works. Recently, a friend of mine shared some of her experiences with Mommy Time-out. They were very similar to mine but only to the point of leaving the room before talking with a child or children. After finding her safe place, she spends time in prayer, asking God to show her how to proceed, and not leaving the room until He has spoken.

Boy did I feel stupid! Of course! Mommy Time-out is indeed for space and time to calm down, but it is also a magnificent opportunity to gain wisdom from the One who knows my child, and me, best. Just as I know my child can't change any behaviors on his or her own strength, neither can I.

And it didn't take long for an opportunity to present itself. To protect the innocent and the guilty, let's just call them Party A and Party B.

I returned home from taxi service to find a very frustrated Child-in-Charge. Apparently Party A and Party B had been arguing over a pencil and an eraser. Yes, you read that correctly, a pencil and an eraser. Each one claimed ownership. Party A claimed it was his. His proof was that it had been found near his school books and that it had a crack he knew he had put in it. Party B claimed it was hers and that it just happened to be found near his school books. She claimed that the crack could have come from anyone or anywhere.

I tried Solomon's approach, suggesting that we just break the two items in half and distribute them evenly but that wasn't going to fly.After a short conversation, it was clear that the pencil belonged to Party A and that Party B just didn't want to concede.  I dismissed Party A at this point because we were at an impasse. I believed that the issues of control and refusal to give in when she was clearly in the wrong still needed to be dealt with.

I asked to excuse myself for a moment. Needing to make a quick taxi trip, I told her that I would be back to talk.

I spent that car ride in prayer. On the way back, I felt like I was supposed to stop at CVS and buy her a pack of pencils and a new eraser. It didn't make any sense. Even more, I was supposed to take a Sharpie and write, "You are loved," on each of the items.

I did all of that. She looked at me, terribly confused. She knew she was in the wrong yet she was so far in she couldn't get herself out. She expected to be put in her place. Instead, she received a gift, free and unexpected. That's grace.

And that's how I knew it was a word from the Lord. I wouldn't have thought of that. I wouldn't have carried it out on my own strength. But I did and two of us learned a lesson in grace.

Try it the next time you need a Mommy Time-out.

Science with Mom or Dad

Okay, this is for everyone who keeps asking how to educate your children about the facts of life...
You have to first understand the irony of people asking me this question as there are certain words and topics that I have always had difficulty discussing. My brother would purposely walk around the house naming body parts just to cause me to blush. A psychotherapist could earn a lot of money trying to figure out all the whys and roots of my innocence but it is what it is. So when God gave us two boys first, I came up with this wonderful plan: The Good Doctor would do the bulk of the sex education with our boys and I would take the girls. Since there weren't any girls, I thought I was safe.  I was wrong.

Now, before you start composing your letters warning me that both parents must model and teach healthy sexuality in the home and that it can't be left to just one parent or to limited times in a child's life, let me assure you that I have done my part with both the male and female children and we do try to maintain open communication at all times. But when it comes down to some actual teaching of the birds and bees and mens-of-the-nation, we do make sure we cover our bases by using a book series and we do separate into male parent/male child or female parent/female child subgroups. This is to make the child more comfortable. Or maybe it's to make Mom more comfortable. Either way, it works for us.

After The Good Doctor had a few successful rounds of education with his sons, it was my turn with a certain daughter. While The Good Doctor was able to read the chosen book with little drama, no further questions and a simple "good" answer to his final question of how do you feel about this, it was not to be for me. Had I known then what I know now, I would have made a different plan; The Good Doctor would teach the girls and I would teach the boys. Consider this your warning. I can read the exact same book, to a child of the exact same age, get questions right after the first page and continuing well after the last page has long been turned. He reads and is done.

So, for all of you Moms and Dads who might be as squeamish as me with this topic, let me introduce you to the series that has saved me: The New Learning About Sex series published by Concordia. And even if you are not squeamish, this series helps you figure out what to teach and when it is appropriate to teach it. The six book set is separated by age. They used to have videos but I never recommended them to anyone as they were old and as corny as the word corny. The introduction to each book gives a little explanation and rationale into what is being taught at that age and why.

A few years back, 2 male children found "Science with Dad" written in that column of their lesson plans. They were excited for days, not believing their good luck in bidding Mom's teaching a brief adieu while Dad, the more fun parent, was obviously taking over. Suffice it to say, they were blindsided. I came home after that particular lesson to two very sheepish looking boys who were not quite as excited as they had been. When I asked about their science class, one child said in a deep, manly voice, "We had science with Dad. We learned how babies are made," and the second very quietly whispered, "It was disgusting." They didn't mind returning to Science with Mom the next day, even if it was a boring lesson on astronomy.

Sometimes Mom wins after all.

Self-care

I know that self-care is important. It's possible I've reminded you that self-care is important. There was an excellent article going around recently about the necessity of self-care for adoptive mothers. I commented about how true that was, true for all mothers, but in particular for adoptive mothers, mothers of special needs children, and those who had a child going through an especially trying time or phase. And I thought I was taking care of myself. But I was wrong.

As yesterday's post revealed, I had a massage. That was great. But what I didn't say was that I had received that gift certificate way back in May. It took me that long to take an excellent Mother's Day gift, intended for forced self-care, and actually use it.

It was about three weeks ago when I realized that I needed to do more to take care of myself. I love my children and I love my adopted children and I love my special needs child, but whether we like to admit it or not, the latter two groups do tend to be more all-encompassing and draining, through no fault of their own.

I realized that part of the problem is that I'm an introvert, a home body. While my friends might take care of themselves with some retail therapy, I hate shopping. Others might call a bunch of friends and plan a monthly Girls' Night Out. Just thinking about it gives me seizures.

But just like I need to drink half of my body weight in water each day, and I need to go to bed at a decent hour so these Morning Person bones can wake up at the break of dawn feeling refreshed, and I need to spend time with the Lord each day, I also need to find a way to recharge. Think of the airline stewardess telling you to put your oxygen mask on first, then on your child. I knew that. I've told people that. But I wasn't doing everything I needed to do to take care of me.  And I didn't realize it until a very special friend asked me the simple question, "So, now that you've told me about everything else going on in your life, what are you doing for you?" I had no simple answer.

Since then I've been on a mission to find the answer to that question. I'm still searching but it is definitely an active search. I will find an answer. And I will take care of myself.

For the Good Doctor. For my kids.

When you take a girl shopping...

One day HopeAnne and I went on a shopping spree.  She took such great delight in roaming the aisles. She was side-tracked a few times, looking at baby boy clothes, peeking over the racks at something in her size, but ultimately she remained true to her mission, to buy pajamas.  She found the racks she was looking for and then her shopping frenzy began. She pulled off first one pair, then another, and then another, while I frantically tried to keep track of the monetary tally in my head.

Why, you might ask, did I allow my child to spend so much money on pajamas? Because the pajamas were not for her, not even one single pair.

This month we are organizing a service project to donate items to our county's Children and Youth services. These are the forgotten people in the foster care and adoption world. These are the ones who see so much "ugly" on a daily basis. These are the ones who often have to be the bearers of bad news to innocent children. They are the ones who work in a profession with such a high burn out rate. So I called them one day and asked: How can we help you? The woman on the phone said that they need backpacks and pajamas to give to children who come into foster care. She said that they need diapers for the families with very young children. And so my parenting class is collecting these items this month. When HopeAnne heard about it, she immediately wanted to participate. She had some money that she had been given for Christmas, then told she had to use for someone else. This is what she chose to do with it.

If there is anyone local who would like to join us in collecting these items, please let me know. We are collecting until April 6 and then I will deliver them on April 7. We are also collecting baked goods and treats that I can give to the social workers on that day. A little something to thank them for advocating for the least of these. If you aren't local you might consider calling your own area Children and Youth and asking them what their needs are.

And my HopeAnne, once a foster child herself, doesn't yet fully understand her connection to the children who will receive these pajamas she so lovingly picked out. She doesn't understand that a file with her name on it once sat in an office similar to the one where these pajamas will be stored, waiting for another child who so desperately needs to find hope and a future. She may not fully understand now, but as she grows and matures, I pray that she will continue to have compassion for the least of these, that she will continue to bring hope to the hopeless.

Connections

In the parenting class I co-teach, we've been talking about connecting with our children, really listening to them, interacting with them, and knowing them.

Sometimes that's hard. Sometimes most of our interactions with them focus on instructions or getting ready to go here or there or dropping off or picking up. Sometimes we're too inward-focused, thinking about the next thing on the schedule or what's for dinner, or who is going to clean up the mess on the floor. Sometimes there are too many people in the room at once, all clamoring to be heard or helped.

The Good Doctor and I have come up with one solution that has worked well for us and that is scheduling one-on-one time with each child. We have taken this a step further and knowing that the best of intentions don't always equal action, we have these dates recorded on the family calendar.  So for example, last week it said, CJ Date, which is King family code for Cindy and Jesse date.  This week it says, DM Date, designating Dad and Mariana as the two to go out together.

Where do we go? What do we do? Well, keeping family finances and schedules in mind, the child is allowed to choose breakfast, lunch, or dessert for that week's date. I can't speak for the Good Doctor, but I make a point of not using my phone during our time together, but instead of asking questions and listening, really listening, to the answers. These are some of my favorite moments of each week.

And that's not just because some of the kids know me so well and choose my favorite ice cream places.

One little words

A while back we painted several walls in our kitchen with chalkboard paint.  The plan was to change the verses and sayings every few months. It stayed the same.  For a very long time.

So when January rolled around, and the younger kids and I chose one little word on which to focus for 2014, I decided those chalkboard walls would be the best place to display our words.  Up front and center so we could remember and contemplate and hopefully, to change. ourselves for the better.

You may remember that my word is LESS.

Mariana chose PASSION as found in the focus of the verse she chose, 1 John 4:9-11:  This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another.

Shoun picked COMMITMENT and is working on giving 100% to schoolwork and chores while remembering James 1: 2-4. Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance.Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. 

Isaac took a word that had been talked about during a church youth activity, PERFECTION.  His verse is 1 Corinthians 1310 from the Living Bible translation:  But when we have been made perfect and complete, then the need for these inadequate special gifts will come to an end, and they will disappear.

PRAYER is the word Eden chose and she's focusing on Jeremiah 29:11-12. For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you.

And HOPE is working on smiling more; remembering to be joyful. Romans 12:12  When you hope, be joyful. When you suffer, be patient. When you pray, be faithful.

It made me smile to see how God spoke to each child when choosing a word.

Summer reading

Recently a link has been circulating on Facebook on the topic of why so many young people are leaving the church.  This particular link blames the focus found in many children's ministry programs.  While I agree that many children's Sunday School programs are "fluff and stuff" and fall more in the category of entertainment than spiritual education, I believe we need to look at ourselves as parents before we blame the church.  It has never been the church's responsibility to raise our children and to be our children's primary Bible teachers.  Deuteronomy makes it very clear that the primary spiritual education of our children belongs in the home.  I expect my church to complement my teachings, but not to be the primary teacher.  Unfortunately, it's too often the opposite.  I wonder, then, if churches should place a larger emphasis on parent education than on the education of our children.

What would it look like if more of us made spiritual training a priority in our homes?  Yes, I suppose it could put us in the category of "mean moms" and "crazy dads", particularly if our children are not used to this.  That doesn't scare me; I'm a mean mom by nature.  It's nothing new; we established that a year ago, and went into more detail here.  Making my children do school in the summer seems to be the icing on the cake.  This summer, however, they got a break while I was gone.  No one to enforce such schooling, no one wanting to be considered as mean as me.  And so, my children, like most others in the US, will go to school in the fall having lost valuable skills.  I'll have a meltdown later.  Academic education aside, shouldn't I place the spiritual education of my children even higher than that?

I've often thought of having my children read Biblically-based and theologically solid books and then having a discussion about them.  Mariana is a voracious reader and will read anything I recommend to her.  The boys on the other hand, not so easy. So when I saw on Facebook that friends of ours, Mark and Cheryl Hopkins, were looking to have their boys read Christian living books this summer, we conspired with them.  Something like, "How about if you pitch the idea, we'll blame you for the idea, together we could choose 3 books for the summer, and have our children read and then discuss one a month?"

And it has worked!  We started with C.S. Lewis' The Screwtape Letters.  It was a bit heavy for the younger children (we included those aged 12 and up) but an audio version did help them.  I read the book as well but was not present for the discussion.  I did hear great reviews.  As the Good Doctor noted, "I was pleasantly surprised at how all of the kids actually came to share about how C.S. Lewis impacted them.  I was not completely sure at how our 12-year-olds would be able to interact with the material, but once the conversation got started, we were all able to interact with the kids on more of an adult level."

This month we read They've Crossed the Line: A Patriot's Guide to Religious Freedom by Stephen Bloom.  Since we know State Representative Bloom and his wife, The King's Strings having played for his campaign fundraiser each of the past two years, we asked Steve and Sharon to join us for the discussion.  They chose Leo's Ice Cream, in their district, as our meeting place.  We were happy to oblige.  We asked questions and heard more from his perspective; why he wrote the book and what he wants the reader to learn and to take from it.  Each of our children was challenged to remember that if they don't help to educate others about our freedoms, we could be one generation from losing them.  Our discussion definitely benefited from his expertise and encouragement (and the ice cream).

The third book will be chosen this week but will likely be a topic that will help our children understand the roots of their faith.  As we see our children reach college age, we want to be certain that they know who they are and why, as well as what they believe and why, before they go off to colleges (private or secular) that will try to deconstruct their beliefs.  We've seen far too many young adults flounder in this environment and have sadly watched friends and family walk away from the faith.

We highly recommend that you find a way to encourage your child(ren) to read books that encourage and strengthen their faith.  And not having the book is no excuse; we have several copies of each of the books we've done.  I'm sure you can put the request on Facebook and borrow them from friends.  The church and/or public library might have some as well.  The school year tends to be full of other projects and assignments, but I wonder if we can keep this going for more than the summer months?  We have learned that it's very helpful to partner with another family.  First of all, you can each blame the other family for the idea.  That way your kids can't be angry with you and they will realize that there are other mean (or crazy) parents out there.  We have learned that each family, as well as each individual, brings a different perspective to the discussion.  As Mark said, "The resulting conversation is rich."  He added that partnering also brings an automatic accountability to the assignment.  We have also realized that with some books, such as the works of C.S. Lewis, it might be better to discuss at several points along the way, rather than waiting until the very end as there is just so much gold in one book.  Oh, and most importantly, don't forget the bribe.  For the first book discussion, breakfast treats and for the second, that famous Leo's ice cream.

If you're thinking that this sounds like a great idea but it's just too late to begin, think again.  You still have one month left, a great opportunity to start with one book.  Just think, you can tell your kids that they've got it easy, the King and Hopkins kids had to read three this summer.  If you have no idea what book to choose, I leave you with the list with which we began.  Maybe one book on here will be the perfect one for your family.

• Every Man's Battle (Arterburn, Stoeker, Yorkey) (Every Woman's Battle)
• The Light and the Glory (Young Reader's Edition) (Peter Marshall)*
• Compelled By Love (Heidi Baker)
• The Screwtape Letters (C.S. Lewis)*
• (New) Evidence That Demands a Verdict (Josh McDowell)*
• Purpose Driven Life (Rick Warren)
• Mere Christianity (C.S. Lewis)*
• The Ragamuffin Gospel (Brennan Manning)
• The Case for Christ - Student Edition (Lee Strobel)
• Why Jesus? (Ravi Zacharius)*
• Where is God When it Hurts? (Phillip Yancey)
• Knowing God (J.I. Packer)
• Crazy Love (Francis Chan)
• They've Crossed the Line: A Patriot's Guide to Religious Freedom (Stephen Bloom)

Talkin' like the boss

Dear Laura,

I hear you're a family doctor of sorts. Perhaps many sorts.

I have a question for you when it comes to swearing in the home as a legit expression of anger. I mean, afterall, you have to express it so why not that way if no one else hears?

And oh yeah, where was that stuff picked up from anyway? We try to sweep our sidewalk, but my wife thinks it comes from the streets. Me? I think it's comin' through this little (not so little) box in our living room. Perhaps we are numb to the cake boss' less than delectable language after "picking up so much trash" from outside.

Either way, somethin's gotta change...doesn't it?

Sincerely,

Sidney Obediah


Dear Sidney Obediah,

First of all, that's not your real name; I can tell (I have a sixth sense for these types of things). I am going to guess you're Mennonite though, or at least have some Mennonite in you, or there's no way you'd come up with a name like Obediah. Well, I suppose you could be Quaker. I used to have a picture book called Thy Friend, Obadiah, and he was Quaker. Or Amish. But since the Amish don't use the internet, and you sent your question through the internet, then you can't be Amish. Unless, of course, you used your neighbor's computer, which I suppose is an option except that I still don't think the Amish would be consulting Laura Sybil for any advice nor would they need to watch Cake Boss for baking advice.

Secondly, I'm going to assume that the perpetrator of foul language is a child, not a parent. If it's a parent, then you've come to the wrong person. If it's a child, then we can talk.

So? What should your plan of action be?

I'd start by making sure that you and your spouse are on the same page. Do you both agree that swearing in the home is unacceptable? And do you both know why you think so? "Because I told you so," is only going to work so often and not at all beyond a certain age, so you'd better have some very good Biblical and/or moral reasons why you want your children to avoid certain words. I would look at verses such as Luke 6:45b and Ephesians 4:29 to support my reasons for expecting only wholesome talk in my home. If the two of you can't agree, or can't figure out why you don't want your children swearing, then you're going to have a lot of trouble with respect and follow-through.

Next, you will want to have a conversation with your child. For a younger child, simply state what is acceptable and unacceptable. If you have an older child, however, then you are going to want to lay down all of the points you and your spouse discussed. You will also need to state the consequences for any future language infractions.

True story from the King home: When Isaac was three years old, the Good Doctor was in the middle of scolding him for something when Isaac looked his dad in the eye and very seriously said, "You idiot!" Now, I will admit that as parents we both had to take a moment to walk out of the room to control the laughter because it was so unexpected. When we had ourselves in check and did some investigating, we realized that he had learned this from watching 101 Dalmatians; it's one of Cruella Deville's favorite lines when she's mad at someone. We understand full well that "idiot" would not be found on a list of swear words, but it is definitely unacceptable in our home, and certainly so when aimed at a parent. Isaac was reminded that sometimes we see and hear things on TV or in the movies that we are not allowed to repeat. He was told that if we heard that ever again, that particular movie (and maybe others) would be taken from him.

So be prepared to have to cut back on family viewing if the language continues. It is your job as parent to protect your children and to create the best environment for growing into mature, God-following adults. Cake Boss may be your favorite show, but is it worth it if it's promoting unacceptable behavior in your children? But also keep in mind that you can't protect your children from hearing foul language in every situation. So you also need to lay the foundation for moral character on a daily basis. You also have to let your child know that if the behavior continues, even after limiting what is watched, there will be further consequences.

If setting boundaries, saying "no" or the idea of giving consequences are new to you, or if you're just not sure how to go about it, I highly recommend John Rosemond's Parenting By the Book. He suggests that consequences need to be unforgettable or memorable (not abusive or harmful) so that the behavior is less likely to be repeated. Only you know what that might mean for your child. What will be unwanted and therefore, unforgettable to your child? A week without screen time? Cleaning all the bathrooms in the house? Taking the phone for a day? A monetary fine for each infraction? (This one worked in our home for a different type of language problem)

Never a dull moment in the parenting journey, is there, Sidney Obediah? Have fun!

Sincerely, Laura Sybil

Crying or brave?

Yesterday was about screen time at home. Today it's about screen time on the big screen.

Admittedly, I have limited experience in the ways of the big screen. My family didn't go to movies. My first experience at a movie theatre was some move about Raggedy Ann and Andy and it was my great aunt who tried to widen my horizons. She quickly regretted that decision as a scene with a whirlpool of chocolate (at least this is what I remember) frightened me so badly that I just cried through the whole movie. A few years later she took me to see Bambi and anyone who knows me knows that the death of an animal is going to create only one emotion in me, and that emotion produces tears. A lot of tears. She said she was never going to take me to another movie. But a few years after that she did try again, only she wasn't very smart and she didn't catch on very quickly. The movie she chose was Benji. A movie about a dog who gets dog-napped and drugged? Yeah, you guessed it, I cried. A lot. That was the end of Auntie Frances' attempts to bring me into the big world of media.

My movie-going days took a big hit and it was years before I again found myself in a theater.

As a college education major, I was placed in a second grade classroom for a short field experience. During our time there, we were to survey the children on a particular topic and then to research that topic. I chose movie violence and the viewing experience of second graders. I was appalled. Remember, this was in the 80s but even at that time, a large percentage of the children had already seen PG-13 movies, and a few had watched R rated movies. Halloween and horror movies were listed as favorites by more than one child; movies that as an adult I wouldn't watch. And this wasn't a city school. It was a small community with a fairly large Christian population. In fact, the public school held an optional Bible class before school each day.

So my poor children (the ones who think I am mean, unreasonable, and archaic) also have to deal with a hyper-vigilant anti-big screen mother. Actually, that's an incorrect statement. I'm not against movie watching, I'm just against indiscriminate movie watching. Any movie they want to see has to first be researched by moi, mostly on pluggedinonline.com. The older ones have figured out that unless they can say they have read the review on this website, they shouldn't even bother to ask if they can see a certain movie. That college research told me more than I ever wanted to know about early screen experiences and desensitization. It makes me heartbroken to know that so many Christian families have no screening process (pun intended) before viewing. It is our job to protect our children when necessary, to teach our children to be discerning always, and to shelter them from that which they are not ready. When they are ready, then we need to be willing to discuss with them the discernment process and the further evaluation of what they have seen.

Why do I prefer an online source like Plugged In over reviews by friends? Because we all draw the line in different places. Our children are all different. Some are more sensitive than others. Some or more susceptible to repeating behaviors that they see. Some cry at every movie, like me. I need a review like I find on Plugged In to tell me everything so that I can make an informed decision. Some of what I read in a review makes me laugh. Concern over a cartoon chipmunk in a bikini? Really? At least I know it's thorough! Why don't I just watch the movie myself first? I cry at every movie, remember? And can't stand to watch a movie more than once (except for Titanic or The Help or similar movies).

The recent hype over the movie Brave had me curious. I know that everyone is going to be seeing it. The question is bound to come up at my house. I'm glad others have done the work for me. Armed with two reviews found here and here, I have my informed decision. Do you have yours?

Screen time

Dear Laura Sybil,

How does your family monitor TV, movies, computer games, video games, etc., etc., etc.? Whenever I try to put a limit on it, my little kids say I'm mean and my tweens say I'm unreasonable. Am I?

Signed,
Mean and Unreasonable Mom


Dear Mean and Unreasonable Mom,

Never fear! You're in good company; I'm a mean and unreasonable Mom, too. Mean and Unreasonable Moms Unite! We could start a new group and call it MUMU. What do you think?

But seriously, you bring up a good point and a question that is asked a lot. One of my favorite screen time stories is when I was carpooling two teens around. Not my own children, these children had their own cell phones, with texting. The teen in the front seat was texting with the teen in the back while the rest of us had a conversation around them.

At our house, we call it screen time and it includes all of the screens you mentioned in your letter. Here's my mantra on this issue: Screen time is a privilege, not a right. If I had a quarter for every time I have said that, I could treat myself to Bruster's ice cream more often.

Around here, the children can earn 30 minutes of screen time per day by completing all daily jobs including instrumental practice, schoolwork, and chores. Jobs not finished? No screen time. Of course schoolwork on the computer is not included in the 30 minutes. Exceptions would be long trips where longer screen time keeps the adults sane and special movie viewings with all or part of the family.

By the time the child is in high school, more freedom is given to monitor his or her own screen time. But we have certain safeguards in place. We have a block on our computer so certain websites, and types of websites, cannot be viewed. The computers don't come on before a certain hour in the morning and they go off by a certain time in the evening. I cannot stress how important blocks are. Don't wait until it's too late.

It's not a perfect system but it works for us. You don't have to implement the same rules and system, but you do need to have something in place. I really like the rules I found on the iMOM website under 5 Screentime Rules You Must Have and not just because my personal mantra is top on the list. And not even because we follow all of these rules even though we didn't know we were using them. Mostly I just like them because they make sense. If they also make you mean and unreasonable, so be it. You aren't the first mean and unreasonable mom and you won't be the last. But you'll likely be thanked. Someday. In the far, far, far future.

Sincerely,

Laura Sybil, Mean Mom Extraordinaire

P.S. Your invitation to join MUMU will be sent in a separate email

P.P.S. It has been brought to my attention that I am not only mean and unreasonable but also archaic seeing as we have only basic cable, our kids don't have their own cell phones, and the one phone that they all share (to be used only for a child needing to be picked up or to contact parents for some reason) does not have texting. I guess that makes us AMUMU (Archaic Mean and Unreasonable Mothers Unite!). And proud of it!

Make 'em smile

Dr. Gary Collins, in his book Breathless: Transform Your Time-Starved Days Into a Life Well Lived, says this about his research on the state of the family, "The families that were strong were not focused on themselves. Of course, they tried to do things together, and the members of healthy families didn't ignore or snub each other. But they learned to work together, to give to one another, to express appreciation, and to reach out to others. The children in these families were learning about good character by seeing it demonstrated, especially in their parents, and by being part of efforts to put character into action. When the kids from these families get into hectic work environments in years to come, they are likely to handle the pressures better because, at the core of their lives, they are guided more by their character than by their clocks."

The mom's group that I recently led, was surprised to find Crazy Love by Francis Chan on the list of suggested reading. Several mentioned that it wasn't the type of book they expected to see on a parenting book list. But I believe it is, and an important one at that. If not Crazy Love, then Radical by David Platt or The Hole in Our Gospel by Richard Stearns or even Kisses from Katie by Katie Davis. Why? Because each of these books teaches us to look beyond ourselves and to live radically for Christ. In giving of ourselves completely to Christ, we will want to become more like Him. In becoming more like Him, we will find ourselves loving our neighbor and wanting to serve others with a passion we've never had before.


When we give King's Strings concerts, we share stories of how God is using us to serve others, at home, at work, at school, and in the community. We want to make it clear that you don't have to have seven children, or feel called to adopt, or play stringed instruments to serve Christ; but you do need to use whatever passions, talents and gifts God has given to you. You know those areas in which you've struggled through the years? God can use those hurts in your life to help others. And if you have been given a family, then God has uniquely placed each person in your family to bring your gifts together to serve Him in ways that someone else can't.

People always tell us that it's so wonderful that our family can share the gift of music. Yes, it is and I often respond with, "They say that the family that prays together, stays together. I like to say that the family that prays and plays together, stays together." We are all different, yet God has brought us together with something we can share - a passion to see others become fully alive in Him, and something we can use - a talent we can put into His service. Our website says that we are "a family of musicians that enjoys putting smiles on the faces of its listeners." That goal brings us together and keeps us together.

It has become apparent to me that this is so important for families; that each member finds his or her gifts and uses them to serve God and others and that each family finds its place for service as well. Let me reiterate what I said earlier: You don't need to play instruments or adopt or serve God. In fact, if your goal is to look like the King family, you're on the wrong track. Your goal is to figure out how you can work together to serve God. I know a family that volunteers together with Meals on Wheels, another that travels together on a missions trip every other year, and another that works together to babysit young children so other parents can have a break.

If it seems too overwhelming or if you have no idea where to start, then think small. What could we do together today? I ask (okay, force) the children to write an encouraging letter to someone once a month. Sometimes we sit at the dining room table and all do this at the same time. I put paper and craft supplies on the table so everyone can create and write together. Today we made Sunshine Care Packages (yes, these really can be shipped through the mail) for two of our friends out of state. We wrote letters to each person and then filled each soda bottle with yellow treats. One's on its way to New York, the other to Alaska, sending a little Pennsylvania sunshine their way.

I'm pretty certain it will bring a smile to each recipient when it arrives and hopefully will encourage each one as she faces another day. And the postal workers always get a kick out of our soda bottle packages, too.

What can you do today to make someone smile? What will your family be doing together, to bring joy to the people around you?

I blew it

Last night I blew it. I made a mommy mistake.

I used to fool myself into thinking that I was the worst one out there; that other moms were patient, peaceful, and spoke softly all the time. But I know that isn't true. I can't compare my worst private self to someone else's best public self. Our "blew its" might not all look the same, but the moms around me are just as human as I am.

So I decided it's best to focus on what happens after I blow it and not dwell in self-pity and self-loathing.

After the kids were in bed, feeling like I needed a reminder of who each child is in Christ and why I love each one so much, I pulled out seven index cards and started writing. I put each child's name on a card, decorated each one appropriate for the child, and wrote words and phrases to describe each one, focusing more on character qualities rather than what they do.

When I was finished, each card was covered in words, and I was filled with joy and peace, ready to face everyone in the morning.

Yes, repentance and forgiveness work needed to be done with God and there will be more of that when the kids wake up. But I was able to sleep with the peace of God, knowing I am doing the best I can with a frail human body and a big, powerful God. And looking forward to a new day with my great clan!

Sweet bully

Dear Laura Sybil,

What do I do with my pushing, hitting, grabbing, strong 15 month old who will look at me and deliberately do something that she KNOWS she shouldn't do? Can I put a 15-month old in time out?

Sincerely,
I've Had Too Many People Tell Me My Sweet Girl is a Bully


Dear I've Had Too Many People Tell Me My Sweet Girl is a Bully,

So, you say your child's normal, huh? Because she's really right on track for trying to assert her independence. If you ever had any doubt about whether humans are inherently good or inherently bad, I bet you're figuring it out now, aren't you?

Well, if the first step is always to admit you have a problem, you're well on your way to success.

So, what can you actually do? You are right to nip it in the bud now. She is in that transition stage from completely dependent to trying out independence. While it's never too late, you definitely want to show her now that you mean what you say and that there are boundaries. Total independence is, of course, that absolute that we want for our children. And a companion goal for our children is for them to respect others and to represent Christ. Believe it or not, getting to those absolutes starts now and if parented well, you're more likely to enjoy the results in about, oh, 18 years.

But I still haven't answered your question. My official, highly research-based answer is, it really depends. Some children, you can look at them and they will know that you are disappointed and will cry. You don't have to punish at all, or rarely. I'm told this is the kind of child I was. I still am prone to crying if you look at me funny. I'm guessing your child's not like that or we wouldn't be having this conversation. Other children will respond to time out. And others, you just need to get really creative. Find what works for your child, at her stage, at her age.

If you want to start with time out, you can absolutely do that with a 15 month old. Start by putting her in a chair, on a mat, on a step (don't pick something so specific that you're out of luck at Grandmas because she doesn't have the right time out chair). We used a step because, well, every floor of the house had one and so did most places we went.

You'll probably need to literally hold her the first few times. I'd hold her arms, facing her. Use the same words or phrases each time so she gets the idea. As in, "I asked you not to do fill-in-the-blank but you didn't listen to me so you need to go to time out." Then you take her there and hold her just until she sits a second or two without squirming or fighting you. Then spend another few seconds saying something like, "Remember, I asked you not to fill-in-the-blank. If you do that again, you will need to sit in time out again." Be prepared to have her turn around and do it again just to test you. And maybe a few times in a row. And looking you straight in the eye, with a big ole smile on her face. Just be consistent. No need to try to reason with her or explain to her the detrimental aspects of her behavior as opposed to the benefits of obedience. She is only fifteen months, after all.

Be ready for the fight of your life but it's worth it in the end. I truly believe that our children can't be a light for Christ if they don't "grow in wisdom and stature and in favor with God AND MEN". They need to know boundaries, obedience, and respect.

Or you can ignore the behaviors and just will them away, or let her continue as she wishes so that you don't break her spirit by (Heaven forbid) telling her no. You could always try to sweetly reason with her, deliberating the merits of internal vs. external motivation and Piaget's psycho-social stages of development, while suggesting (but not enforcing) the value of kindness to others. Be prepared for a nightmare on your hands in a few years.

If you're looking for something to do in your free time, there's a great book (I think, anyway) called Parenting By the Book by John Rosemond. I actually just found it in the past few months but I totally agree with everything this guy is saying. People have often asked us how we parent or why we parent the way we do and I never quite knew how to answer because I didn't know if my parenting has any credibility other than the fruit. But according to this guy, it does. The premise is that we parent like God parents us. So simple, right? He sets boundaries, demands love and respect toward Him and others, allows us to suffer the consequences of bad choices, yet loves us unconditionally through it all. I like it.

Be creative, consistent, and have fun. And don't take it personally. If Adam and Eve were the first kids, and God was the first parent, even He couldn't raise perfect kids so why should we think we can? Our children have the same stinkin' free will that His had. And so do we.

Sincerely,
Not An Expert But You Did Ask So I Answered (aka Laura Sybil)

Kitchen redo

About a week ago, the Good Doctor once again obliged one of my bizarre ideas, by painting chalkboard paint around the top of our kitchen walls, and down the side of one cabinet. He knows to just do as he's told and to not ask too many questions. Secretly, I think he was just glad I wasn't asking him to knock out a wall, expand and upgrade the kitchen. What's a can of paint in comparison to that?

I, on the other hand, knew exactly what I was going to do with it.

It's all connected to putting the Word of God in our hearts, and posting it on the doorframe of our house.

Thanks to my wonderfully artistic daughter, we now have verses about speech. They've all come from the wonderful blog challenge for 31 Days of Replacing "Baditude" with God's Word and Gratitude (although my little artist did skip a few words - oh well). So far we're still in the warm-up week. But we do have our bracelets and we are already much more aware of our words and how they affect others.

Come join us?

No complaints

The atmosphere in our home has definitely been much more peaceful since we had a little sit-down heart-to-heart. But not wanting to leave things as they are, I'm trying a new tactic.

Inspired by Cheri Gregory at The Purse-onality Challenge, we're all sporting complaint bracelets. Well, not quite all of us. It was a little difficult convincing the teen males that they had to wear a purple bracelet, and the poor Good Doctor couldn't make it fit. He made a valiant effort with a rubber band but that only lasted 24 hours. I thought the females of the family would be a little more motivated if they had bracelets more suited to their individual personalities, so I just took a look on etsy.com.

So here's the challenge, with a few modifications for our family, whenever you want to say something that is complaining, sarcastic, spoken in a critical tone, or full of gossip, you need to stop yourself. If a banned comment slips from your lips, you are to move your bracelet from its current wrist and place it on the opposite wrist. If a parent hears you speak in one of these inappropriate ways, then you will be asked to switch your bracelet. We decided (very quickly) that it would not be a good idea for a child to correct another child. That could very easily get out of hand and defeat the purpose. If you have kids, you know exactly what I'm talking about. We did say, however, that if you are willing to change your own bracelet as well (for having a criticial spirit), you may gladly (and kindly) correct a sibling. The goal is to have a full day without having to change your bracelet. After 21 days of no bracelet changing, you are considered cured. But seeing as the "tongue" is a chronic human condition, I don't know if that will ever happen.

Oops. I guess that was kind of critical. Excuse me while I switch my bracelet.

Now, if you're an adult, you're probably wondering what the reward is for not having to switch your bracelet. Funny, but only adults have asked me that question. The kids are content just being able to say (gloat?) that they have not had to change their bracelet. So don't tell them that life's actions always need rewards.

Over the next month or more, we'll be looking at verses that relate to our thoughts and to our words. We're also working on a kitchen transformation that will help us remember to think and speak kindly. Oh, don't get so excited. Cindy is NOT finally getting a new kitchen. But the whole family is getting a kitchen transformation.

I'll take pictures tomorrow so you can understand it better. Until then, no complaints!