Grace

"Jesus, Jesus, precious Jesus

Oh, for grace to trust Him more!" 

At the beginning of December I was noticing that this refrain was in my head a lot during the events of 2020. Particularly in the middle of the night or in times of stress or grief, as I called on the name, Jesus, these words would then be running through my head.

My life has not been filled with grace but somewhere around 2003-2005, God taught me about His abundant, lavish grace. I could finally see Him as the God of grace who always freely offers that grace to us. I began to give grace to myself and then I was able to more freely give it to others. 

But I know God has more to reveal to me about grace so my word for 2021 is just that - grace. I am intrigued in the connection between grace and trust as the writers of the above hymn chose to place them together in the phrase that repeats again and again in their hymn - "Oh, for grace to trust Him more!" May I be an open and eager listener to the meaning of grace this year.

"'Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus,

Just to take Him at His Word;

Just to rest upon His promise,

Just to know, "Thus saith the Lord!"

Jesus, Jesus, how I trust Him!

How I've proved Him o'er and o'er;

Jesus, Jesus, precious Jesus!

Oh, for grace to trust Him more!

I'm so glad I learned to trust Him,

Precious Jesus, Savior, Friend;

And I know that He is with me,

Will be with me to the end.

Jesus, Jesus, how I trust Him!

How I've proved Him o'er and o'er;

Jesus, Jesus, precious Jesus!

Oh, for grace to trust Him more!

Jesus, Jesus, how I trust Him!

How I've proved Him o'er and o'er;

Jesus, Jesus, precious Jesus!

Oh, for grace to trust Him more!

Oh, for grace to trust Him more!"

-Louisa Stead

Things that make you go hmmmmm...

Things that make you go hmmmmm..... Besides the obvious ones that you are somehow safe when packed like sardines in an airplane for several hours or more but not in church, school, or restaurants, or that you are safe in a crowd of any size while protesting and looting but at outdoor picnics or weddings you're only safe if you keep your guest list under an arbitrarily chosen number or that it's okay to attend private school, daycare, childcare centers, and after-school programs 5 days a week, but only safe in public school if it's for some type of hybrid design, or that big box stores are free of disease but mom-and-pop shops are not... Hmmmmmmmm...

I can try on a sweater in the middle of the store and put it back on the rack if I do not like it for some reason, but I cannot try on the same sweater in a fitting room because then we've somehow become disease spreaders. Then, if I choose to purchase the sweater, the cashier tells me that he's just been informed that he has to send the hanger with me rather than touch it to put it in his bin. Then he proceeds to stare at the sweater and hanger for a few minutes before saying, "I'm not sure how to fold a sweater on a hanger so..." he touches the hanger to remove it and put it in my bag. We exchange shrugs and he oh-so-brilliantly declares, "It's all for show anyway." I take my hanger and sweater home and touch both when I remove them from the bag. Hmmmmmmmm...

The same store insists that if I have to return my items (because not everything can be tried on in the middle of the store), I need to remove them from the bag and dispose of the bag "there", in the receptacle conveniently placed next to the returns desk so the cashier does not have to touch it. Presumably because they are afraid the bag might be covered in the virus? But not the clothes that I have obviously touched to try them on and when pulling them out of the bag, which the cashier is now touching as the item is being returned? Hmmmmmmm...

At the bank, I have to put my money or check into a bowl and pass it to the teller. Who then touches my money anyway when taking it out of the bowl. Hmmmmmmmmm...

At the grocery store, they have placed plastic over all of the credit card machines. "Why is there plastic on the credit card machine?" one could ask. The answer (which the cashier thinks is obvious), "So you don't touch the credit card machine." "Brilliant. But aren't we all touching the plastic when we click the green button?" Cashier: ...

Try it. You might only be able to see eyes but the look of the wheels turning is priceless. (But please be kind and gracious - the cashier did not make the rules) Hmmmmmmm...

My son (who refuses to wear a mask correctly although we have made progress in the actual "wearing" part) was originally told that he could only go to church if he wore a green sticker. Presumably so folks would know he's not wearing a mask and could be a living, breathing virus dispenser. But, on the first day, when they put the mask on his face instead of the green sticker, and he promptly put said mask below his nose, and later below his chin, he was somehow deemed safe and free of any virus. But another family was sent away because their children were not wearing masks and were somehow more dangerous than my son whose mask is almost always below his nose or chin? So the virus is spread through the chin but not the nose or mouth? Hmmmmmm...

Doctors, nurses, and other medical personnel beg and plead on social media to get everyone to wear masks and stay home and social distance, then post pictures on the same social media sites of their family gatherings and outings with friends where no one is masked or at home or socially distanced. I guess they follow the politician's logic, "It's only for thee and not for me." Hmmmmmm....

Great joy for all the people

I didn't write and send Christmas cards this year. While I had been whittling the list down for a few years now anyway, this year it just felt like there were too many financial needs around us to justify the printed photos and stamps. And if there's anything that 2020 taught us, it's who our community is. That community has remained close and they know all the highlights of our year. They know our lowest points. And they were there through it all. They didn't need a piece of paper they'll throw out in January to tell them anything new.

This Christmas season I've been meditating on the angel's words in Luke 2:10...

"Do not be afraid. 

I bring you good news that will cause great joy for all the people."

2020 is the year that fear became fashionable. Having spent many years of my life letting fear and anxiety drown me, I refused to go back there. And knowing the influence a parent can have on a child's levels of fear and anxiety, I determined to do everything I could to not allow them to live in fear. We didn't live with our heads in the sand; we didn't live recklessly or unwise. We masked up in public and we stood on our dots when out-and-about. However, we also talked about the science of viruses, risk factors, and immune systems. We did what we could to build up ours. We remembered the One who knows the day and cause of every sickness that was going to be allowed to trigger that immune system and yes, who ultimately knows the day and cause of our demise. We don't need to live in fear of that; it's good news that causes great joy! 

We have learned that one of the best antidotes for fear is service. So we kept our eyes and ears open. Any time we got the hint or a nudge that someone was struggling, we stepped in to bring that good news that causes great joy. As a ministry partner of mine used to tell me, there are people who have to fabricate pain (sleeping on nails, going on long pilgrimages, not eating or drinking) to experience the pain that Christ told us will be ours as we serve. When, like Him, we step into the brokenness and darkness, we won't need to try to fabricate anything. But surprisingly, the result is "great joy for all the people" - for the one who serves and those who are being served. 

There are plenty of people struggling physically, yes - but even more so struggling emotionally and spiritually. Hidden behind masks, socially distanced, and isolated, forgotten by Christians too frightened to let them in. But the good news that causes great joy is for all the people. As Jesus said, "It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners." (Mark 2:17) 

So this year we mourned with those who mourned. We rejoiced with those who rejoiced. We tried to bring hope to those for whom hope had been shattered. Where division was great and overpowering, we tried to remember Romans 12:18, "If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone." We fail sometimes but we tried to give grace for every belief, comfort level, and opinion.

We cannot control or change what others say about us. We cannot control or change the lies they tell or the chaos they leave in their wake. We can control how we react. We can control what we do with the hurt. And as far as it depends on each of us, we can choose to live at peace with everyone. It's good news that will cause great joy!

How can that be? Because the same God who chose to send a tiny baby to a stable in Bethlehem and who then chose to announce that to shepherds with the statement, "Do not fear," followed by news that causes great joy, that same God just as intricately orchestrates every single moment of each of our lives. Everything.

Three years ago, I read a devotional written by Shane Claiborne where he said, 

"Let’s remember this Christmas that the Savior we celebrate was born into the crap. He couldn’t care less whether we say “Merry Christmas” or “Happy Holidays”. He’s much more interested in us getting dirty in the trenches than decorating the Temple. What Jesus cares about is how we care for the most vulnerable people on earth—the widows and orphans, the immigrants and refugees, the sick and the homeless.

The world we live in, like the world Christ lived in, is ravaged with violence and poverty. But the good news is that a Savior is born. He has come to preach good news to the poor and to disturb the rich. He has come to cast the mighty from their thrones and to lift up the lowly. He has come to bind up the brokenhearted and proclaim freedom to the captives.

He has come to remind us that God is with us—if we are with the poor."

- (Keep Watch with Me Daily Advent Reader)

Merry Christmas and may your 2021 be filled with a message of "do not fear" for those who need to hear good news that causes great joy!

As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord. Joshua 24:15

Victor-isms from quarantine

 Me: (Advent reading, Day 11 - Jesus is the Vine) "All the nutrients travel along the sap of the vine into the branches so the branches can stay healthy and grow and produce fruit..."

Victor (interrupts): That's capillary action!

Me:...That would be correct...Now, continuing on with the reading...

********************

V: What are you doing?

Me: Working on supper.

V: I'll help boil the water.

Thanks, buddy. That's the part that had me the most stressed.

********************

Victor: Eden, when did you learn German?

Eden: I started in 5th grade.

Victor: Oh, you're in 10th grade now. So...you'll be in college soon. So you won't put your foot on my chair anymore. *Thinks a bit* Well, I'll kind of miss you. I'll miss your snuggles.

********************

Victor: I'm a little bit sleepy.

Me: Then go take a nap.

Victor: I'm not that kind of sleepy; I'm emotionally sleepy because my emotions have been working all day.

********************

Overheard:

Victor: Eden, what's your favorite Christmas song of all time?

Eden: I'm not telling you because yesterday when I told you my favorite Christmas song of all time you yelled at me because it wasn't the right favorite Christmas song of all time.

********************

The 8th grader had a question about her science lesson. The adult didn't know the answer. The 10th grader didn't know the answer. We asked the 2nd grader. He knew. Apparently we aren't smarter than a 2nd grader.

********************

Me: Victor, finish your supper.

Victor: It's cold.

Me: Put it in the microwave.

Victor: How long would you advise?

Advise? How long would I advise? What 7 year old asks how long I would advise?????

********************

Me to Eden: Should we have our Little Women viewing party on Friday night?

Victor: NO! I'M HERE AND I'M NOT A WOMAN SO YOU CAN'T DO THAT WITHOUT ME!

Ummmmm, I think you completely misunderstood my question. Way to get your blood pumping there, buddy.

********************

School question: Victor, what is your favorite place in PA?

Victor: Chick-Fil-A, The Appalachian Trail, and Spirit Day Spa because it's just so calm and relaxing.

********************

Victor (while rubbing my back): Does this feel good?

Me: Yes.

Victor: Is your back getting looser?

Me: Yes, thank you.

Victor: Why is it tight?

Me: I wish I knew.

Victor (while moving his hand the other direction): That makes it tighter, right?

Me: No. Why do you think you’re making my back tighter?

Victor: Righty tighty, lefty loosey, right?

********************

Victor and I completed a multi-week unit on elections but I apparently did not adequately explain the process because when I told him I was leaving to vote he asked, “You’re just going to write Trump or Biden and then come home, right? How long will it take you to spell that?”

********************

After Victor's shower this morning:

V: Can I use the hair dryer?

Me: Sure.

...

V: Can I use the hairspray?

Me: Sure.

...

V: I'm like an old lady now. I used the hair dryer and the hairspray, right?

Me: How does an old lady even respond to that?

********************

Victor on the phone with Isaac: How are you enjoying your classes? How's music theory? So, are you enjoying reading the Bible? I love how the Bible fits together. I started in Matthew but then halfway through I decided I needed to go to Genesis. I need to get an ipad so we can have a Zoom meeting. I'll be right back. I'm just going to go to the bathroom. I don't want to take you into the bathroom because one time I dropped the phone in the toilet. I don't want to do that...

********************

Since listening to the OT on CD (he begged and begged for this and I surprisingly found a set at the Goodwill Outlet) we have had the following conversations and more:

What is circumcision?

Chronicles is cool

What are bowels? Do people still get a disease where their bowels come out?

Did you hear the one about the guy who was so fat that the sword disappeared in his stomach when he was killed?

Remember Uriah the Hittite?

Oh, the Philistines. I think that was the time of Agog, right?

(When seeing me sad about something): You should have sackcloth and ashes.

When watching Elf and not liking the character of Elf's dad: He loves money more than people. That's adultery.

Coals of fire

 There's been a lot of hate and vitriol being slung in all directions, the doer feeling justified for a variety of reasons. A Biblical phrase that has both challenged and perplexed me is to "heap burning coals" on the head of the one who is hurting you.

If your enemy is hungry, give him food to eat;

    if he is thirsty, give him water to drink.

22 

In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head,

    and the Lord will reward you.

Proverbs 25:21-22

This proverb is repeated by Paul in Romans 12:20. I've read many explanations through the years but they all come down to reading the phrase in its context, specifically, all of Romans 12.

Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your true and proper worship. Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will...Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves...Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position. Do not be conceited. Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” says the Lord. On the contrary: "If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head." Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.                                                                       Romans 12 (selections)

In this case, it is impossible to miss the greater message which is to bless those who hurt us - caring for their needs, and then going a step beyond to simply bless. As a trauma-informed educator, this reminds me that many times, a person's outward behavior is simply masking needs for physical, emotional, and spiritual safety. In light of that, when I experience this kind of hate and my first response is hurt and anger and to return the pain that I've experienced, I've learned to do something for that person. It usually means that Jesus and I have to have some long talks first, while I reign in my tongue and fingers so I don't say or type something I'll regret.

When I was growing up, I was introduced to a book entitled Coals of Fire by Elizabeth Hershberger Bauman (no relation that I know of). It was originally published in 1954 and tells 17 true stories of individuals who chose to meet their enemies with love. I've read it many times (I do have 9 kids, after all!) and am always challenged by the decisions made. I am struck that by the fact that facing hate with love can only happen when we have first chosen to offer our bodies as "living sacrifices", when we have not conformed to the patterns of this world, when we have honored others as better than ourselves, and when we commit to overcoming evil with good.

There was a time when I was hated by a woman in the community. Our paths crossed often and my attempts at being kind were ignored or worse. One day I decided to find ways to bless her with gifts. Feeling like she might just throw them away or get angrier if she knew they were from me, I found ways to give them to her anonymously. Sometimes I'd include a note of encouragement or word of affirmation, asking God to show me the good in her. We eventually moved away so I don't know if her heart was ever changed but I do know that it changed mine. Instead of being angry when I thought of her, instead of wanting to repay evil for evil, I was able to forgive, to see the personal reasons and childhood hurts behind her behavior, and to think more of blessing her than hating her.

Blessing instead of hating makes no sense to those who don't follow Christ. It goes against every carnal instinct. Hate is more natural than love. Anger is more natural than peace. Justifying hurt because "that person deserves it" or "he has done so much harm" or, the currently common phrase, "I just can't" is much easier than honoring others as better than ourselves. For today, and then tomorrow, and then the next day, I am making the purposeful choice to live at peace with everyone, as much as it is within me.

Nov. 4

 November 4. The day after Election Day 2020. I have not yet looked at the election results. By choice. Instead, I chose to spend these first moments with the Lord, irregardless of what those results are. I have not claimed "my candidate". My hope is not dependent on who wins or whether we've even been able to proclaim that one side has won. I woke up with these words going through my head:

"Let faith, rise up

Oh heart, believe

Let faith rise up in me."

I couldn't remember where these words fit until I googled them. Then I knew why it was on my mind; the song is called "Peace Be Still" (Hope Darst).

I'm not concerned with the outcome of the election. I know who is on the Throne no matter who is in the White House. There will be difficulties no matter who is declared the winner. My unrest comes from the words, actions and reactions of those I love. If there's one thing this election has given to us as a nation, both collectively and individually, it's a free pass to attack with vitriol and hate, feeling justified by one's own self-righteousness. 

When this song comes on the radio, the words that always jump out at me are:

"Peace be still

Say the word and I will

Set my feet upon the sea

Till I'm dancing in the deep"

Jesus, this is where I want to continue to be, no matter what I find when I'm ready to hear the news. Despite what's going on around me, I want you to still find me so focused on you that I'm willingly following you into the waves, walking on water and not faltering, until you lead me all the way into the deep. There I want to be so focused, so unafraid, that I'm dancing in the deep with you. I don't care who wins this election. I don't want to care what others say about me, or even assume about me. I don't want any of that to distract me from the plan you have for me. Just you and me, Jesus, walking into the hard places, dancing together in the deep. And on that day when you decide my work is done, I look forward to my forever with you, joined by the many that you've allowed me to serve no matter the waves swirling around. 

John 16:33 I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace.

In this world you will have trouble. But take heart!

I have overcome the world. 

Almost home

I woke up at 1:11 this morning, the morning of my 51st birthday, with the words to a Mercy Me song in my head.

"Almost home
Brother it won't be long
Soon all your burdens will be gone
With all your strength
Sister run wild, run free
Hold up your head
Keep pressing on
We are almost home..."

The words brought me comfort, joy, and peace as I fell back to sleep. It's one of my favorites that is played on Christian radio these days. 

It wasn't until I woke up at 5:00, a more godly hour, with the song still in my head, that I thought of the words in the context of my birthday. 

We live in this middle ground of longing for the beauty, perfection, and forever of Home, but finding joy in the journey of home.  I prayed for the ability to keep this in the right perspective. Some days, some moments, and some assignments find this journey so hard, and that longing for Home is greater. Other moments are sweet, precious, and so filled with joy that it's easy to focus on the here-and-now. 

So Father, with whatever time is left, give me the right perspective. I want to keep my eyes on Home but my feet home. I want to be here for those who need me. Take my burdens and fears so they don't hinder me in helping those you place in my path. Give me strength and perseverance and health. Let me be fully here while knowing I'm "almost home."

Well this road will be hard
But we win in the end
Simply because of Jesus in us
It's not if but when
So take joy in the journey
Even when it feels long
Oh find strength in each step
Knowing heaven is cheering you on

Almost home
Brother it won't be long
Soon all your burdens will be gone
With all your strength
Sister run wild, run free
Hold up your head
Keep pressing on
We are almost home...