Habits and mottoes

I have a confession to make.  But first, if you are anywhere near the Good Doctor, please make sure he is sitting down.

As I was praying yesterday morning, I said, "God, show us what is next."  It slipped out.  I didn't even realize I had said it until it was out there.  And now I must apologize to the Good Doctor because I realize we're still in the middle of this "next" and can't possibly be ready to move onto the next "next".  It's a habit now, I guess.

Kind of like after the birth of Child #4.  As the nurse was wheeling me from the delivery room to my room (yes, I am that old and back in the dark ages we did all the work in one room and then had to move to another), I looked at my loving husband and said, "Let's have another one."  Even the nurse agreed with my very shocked and scared husband, that no one else had ever said that just minutes after giving birth.

I guess it just goes with my motto:  You're not done til you're dead.

And my other motto:  There's always room for one more.

I saw a sign in a store the other day.  It said:

Our family motto - No empty chairs

I like it.  I think I would put one next to it that says:

We can always buy more chairs.

Victor had such a VICTORious, miraculous day yesterday!  From 8:30AM - 8:30PM (slightly longer, but those are the hours I was there), he had only 2 bradies (I know how to say it but don't know how to spell it, sorry medical people).  His oxygen level was mostly at 26% and with every desat he came up on his own.  Praise God!

His new nickname is Houdini because no matter how tightly his nurse wraps him in, he manages to escape and wiggle out.  My favorite is when he's on his belly.  He pushes up with his skinny little legs and manages to "crawl" over and beyond the positioner.  When he's on his belly he also turns his head from one way to the other.  His long fingers like to wrap around his feeding tube or his cannula and pull them out.  He thinks he's helping.

I got to hold him twice skin-to-skin and he just settled right in.  I wish you could see him all cocooned in my shirt.  Just a little face sticking out.  So snuggly.

He is back up to 2 pounds!  Yay, God!  Pray that he continues to steadily gain weight.

Pray for complete healing of his lungs.  Pray protection over his eyes.

Pray for John.  He's a little overwhelmed.  Pray for the house; it's a mess. A house with 9 people is going to naturally be messy, yes.  But when Mom isn't there to tell you to pick up that pile you just walked over, well..... I don't even have to see it to know what it looks like.  'Nough said.

You can step out, too

I am so thankful for the many kind comments and encouraging words from all of you.  I am humbled.  But I am also a bit uncomfortable. I don't see myself as all of those things, amazing, a hero, full of faith, having no fear.  Because I'm not the first three and I do have fear.

Maybe you think those things because we were crazy enough to step out of the boat; to look at Christ's face and to follow with childlike (crazy?) faith.  But please don't think that's something for just a few select people.  We are all called to love with a crazy love, to follow a Gospel without holes, and to be radical in our faith.  (Click on each link to find the book that gave me the kick in the pants that I needed, at just the right time in my walk with God)

If you want to be amazed, if you want to see a hero, if you want to see faith without fear, then look to Jesus.  It is His example that led us to where we are today.  Mother Teresa put it so well,

"Stay where you are.  Find your own Calcutta.  Find the sick, the suffering, and the lonely right there where you are - in your own homes and in your own families, in your workplaces and in your schools.  You can find Calcutta all over the world, if you have the eyes to see.  Everywhere, wherever you go, you find people who are unwanted, unloved, uncared for, just rejected by society - completely forgotten, completely left alone."

It has nothing to do with John and Cindy but everything to do with Jesus' commands like this one in Matthew 25:31-40

“When the Son of Man comes in his glory, and all the angels with him, he will sit on his glorious throne.  All the nations will be gathered before him, and he will separate the people one from another as a shepherd separates the sheep from the goats. He will put the sheep on his right and the goats on his left.


“Then the King will say to those on his right, ‘Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.’

“Then the righteous will answer him, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink?  When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?’

“The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.’


So please don't put me on a pedestal.  I am the same as you.  The only difference may be that you haven't taken that first step out of the boat yet.  You can.  If you want to, you will.  Let it be your daily prayer, "God, where is my Calcutta?  To whom do you want me to show love today?  I want to step out of the boat with you.  Where shall we go?"  He will show you.  You will know. He will take your passions, your gifts, and the things in life that bring righteous anger, and you will know that THIS is your Calcutta.  

And you, too, will find joy in the journey, despite the circumstances that are bound to come, because there is joy in taking our eyes off ourselves and keeping them on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith.  As I often have to remind my younger children, It's not about you.  Okay, my older children, too.  Yes, myself, too.

"When you take that first step

Into the unknown
You know that he won't let you go
So what are you waiting for?
What do you have to lose?
Your insecurities try to alter you
You know you're made for more
So don't be afraid to move
Your faith is all it takes and you can
Walk on the water too"
-Walk on the Water by Britt Nicole

It is my prayer that someday, Victor will step out of his own boat, drawing on his testimony of healing and miracles, and that he will find his Calcutta.  This is my prayer for each of my children.  And for each of you.  I do not pray that life will be easy, only that you keep your eyes on Jesus and love the least of these.  It is my prayer that you will be uncomfortable so that others may be comfortable.

Victor is improving at a snail's pace each day.  We'll take it.  Praise God!  

In honor of National Kangaroo Care day yesterday, Victor is now allowed skin-to-skin twice a day.  Actually I think it had more to do with his progress than the celebration but it sounds like a great reason to go out and get some ice cream, don't you think?  Speaking of ice cream, I've had to change my routine.  Since nothing is open on Sundays around here, I am changing my ice cream days from Wednesday and Sunday to Monday and Friday.  I'm giving you a warning since control freaks such as myself don't handle change very well.  This could be bad.  And since the fam sent me Cold Stone gift cards for Mother's Day, well, I just have to use them.

Pray that he gains weight.  They have added more calories to his feeds to help bulk him up.

Partnership

Two nights ago I was on an adoptive Momma's Facebook page, looking for a video she had posted earlier.  In the process of looking for the video, I found her husband's Mother's Day Facebook tribute.  In it, he lovingly sang her praises for partnering in raising their children who he called an "amalgamation of Rain Man, Nell, and the Boy in the Plastic Bubble."  See, these two have learned the key to surviving through the storms of life - partnership and laughter.

I immediately copied and pasted the message and emailed it to the Good Doctor.  He responded with this message:

Dear Cindy Joy King, or Laura Sybil, or whoever you are, even though you may have dragged me into this thing a few years ago kicking and screaming, you have influenced my life more than you will ever know.  You are an amazing Proverbs 31 mom...go ahead and look it up...and through it all you have not only survived, but thrived.  AND on top of that, you have willingly (or not so willingly) laid down your life for the least of these.  As Jean Valjean said, "To love another person is to see the face of God."  I love you!  Take that for your blog!

Challenge accepted.

I know that there are singles who parent alone and there are singles who adopt.  They have my full praise because I could not do it.  God knew that to raise our family we would need a good dose of reality, level-headedness, and unconditional love mixed in with my stubbornness, organization, and humor.  And as this video so clearly states, I suppose one of us had to be the brake every time I wanted to press on the accelerator.

So even though it's not Father's Day yet and even though the Good Doctor had the audacity to go out to eat to celebrate Mother's Day without me, I'm so thankful we're walking this road together.  God knew what he was doing when he took this very shy girl from PA and sent her 10 hours away to college.  He knew what he was doing when he gave you that early morning class first semester so you'd meet me in the dining hall.  I can still remember sitting in your dorm room, telling you that I planned to adopt 20 special needs children.  I don't know why you didn't run when you had the chance.  Probably the same reason that I didn't quit when you said no way, you weren't adopting any children.  And you still asked me to marry you after all that.  Maybe you thought I'd get over it.   Maybe you didn't quite understand how stubborn I could be?

But here we are.  Right where we are supposed to be.  And we don't look a day older, do we?  Well, that depends.  The Good Doctor summed it up this way:

I'm crazy in love with this woman.  She's the accelerator, I am the brake.  If we were both accelerators we would crash, and if we were both brakes, we would never get anywhere.  So we work together as a team, even though we are in two different states for now, and even though our children are in two different states right now.  We're family!

And there's still plenty of time to get to 20 kids.  Right, dear?

Victor's day was split in two yesterday.  In the morning he had quite a number of desats, some of which needed quite a bit of prodding and stimulation to remind him to breathe again.  We did some skin-to-skin from 1 to 2, a whole hour!  He did so well.  He spent the first half of our time trying to look up at me again and then settled in quite relaxed.  But not too relaxed.  We have to remember to breathe!  While I was out for lunch, the pressure on his high flow nasal cannula was weaned from 6 to 5.5.  Baby steps of progress.  Always Victor-sized baby steps.

Praise God for a clear head ultrasound!  No sign of bleeding!

He did lose another 1/2 ounce yesterday.  Pray that from now on it's only packing on the pounds (gaining "wate" as Eden wrote me in an email).

Pray protection over his eyes.

Pray that he remembers to breathe!  It is NOT an option, Victor!

Pray for miracles!

All comfy and cozy.

No boxes

Ken Davis, on his blog yesterday, said this:

Why in the world would I pray to ask God for confirmation that I should do something He already asked me to do?  Because sometimes I am afraid to do what He wants me to do!

Yes, guilty as charged.  Why did it take us 5 days to say yes to Victor after first reading his story on April 20th?  Because we were afraid to do what we already knew we were called to do.  We wanted to make the comfortable and easy choice, the one that fit our plan for our next child.

It's easy to try to put God in this nice little box.  Okay, God, I'll adopt again if...

And I thought I had it figured out.  We asked for a child under the age of 6.  We said we'd take either a boy or a girl (but secretly a few of us thought it'd be a girl).  We said we'd accept treatable diseases and conditions.  We said we'd consider minimal drug use.  We preferred an African American or biracial child.  And we didn't want to spend a long time out of state.  I thought we were being very generous in our parameters.  I patted myself on the back for not limiting God too much.

But apparently we were being a little too choosy and more than once God said, "Simply trust me."  First it was a six year old boy.  I argued with God on that one.  Yes, sad to say, I had myself a good ole tantrum.  I didn't want another six year old.  I already had one.  I wanted to say no.  But I couldn't.  So we said yes.  In the end, his birth mother chose another family and it was clear that it was meant to be.  The family she chose not only lived in her state, they "just happened" to be driving through her town when they got the call.  They were able to immediately meet the little boy and his mother.   I was learning to trust.

Asking me to consider situations that weren't in my plan?  Yup, that came a few more times.

And then came Victor.  So precious, so planned, so ours.  And nothing about this fits into my more-limited-than-I-thought plan.

We can't put God in a box.  And I couldn't be more thankful.

Isaiah 55:8  "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the Lord.

Praise God for a great day yesterday!  Still some desats (oxygen too low) but Victor did a much better job of remembering to breathe without needing stimulation.  Sometimes the nurse had just enough time to squeeze the hand sanitizer and start rubbing her hands together and he'd already be back into the perfect range for him.  We joked that maybe it was the strong smell of the sanitizer that reminded him to breathe.  And most of the time, the O2 through his nasal cannula was set between 25% and 30% (room air is 21%).  It's also interesting to note that if he were in Pennsylvania, his need for oxygen would likely be even less because of the difference in elevation.

And be still my heart, while doing our skin-to-skin time, he kept trying to pull his head back to look up at me.  Yes, he did.  Believe it or not.  My little boy is amaze-ing!  God promised that Victor would amaze and he is doing just that.  Last night before I left I was able to do his cares; diaper change, temperature, swab his mouth out, etc.  He was awake and looking at me the whole time.  His knows his mother's voice.  Praise God!

Pray that each day is better than the one before.  Pray for his lungs.  Pray that he will steadily gain weight and that his lungs can keep up with it.  He is scheduled to have a head ultrasound today.  Pray that there is no sign of bleeding on his brain.  Pray against infection.  Pray protection over his eyes.  Retinopathy of prematurity is common among babies born as early as Victor.  The NICU has done everything they can to lower his risk but we won't know for a few weeks when they come to test his eyes.

Trust

I found a church to attend yesterday.  It was difficult, especially when the whole morning's emphasis was on mothers but it was also refreshing.  I know that this day is difficult for many and my heart goes out to all who weep on Mother's Day, for many different reasons.  I did win the award for having the smallest baby and my prize was a box of Runts candy.  I almost won the longest labor award but some pour soul beat out my 24 hours.

This quote was in the bulletin:

Think
One of the greatest blessings God can give us is to place us in a position where we are required to trust Him.

I am finding this to be so true.  I can't make Victor breathe.  The medical staff can't make him breathe.  Well, they could, but it would involve more invasive measures than they want to take at this time because they know what's best for him in the long run.  Only God, who formed Victor's body and knows every hair (and there are a lot of them) on his head, knows when Victor will stop forgetting to breathe.  So I wait and I trust.  I have been brought to a place where I have no other choice.

And I don't think this lesson was just for me.  My children are also in a place where they are required to trust.  I know this isn't easy for them.  My hope is that someday they will look back on this and realize that it was a time of great maturation and spiritual growth.  Especially for the older ones, it was a time when they were forced to grow up, to take on more responsibility, and more importantly to trust that God's plan is best even when it doesn't make sense.  It was a time when they were required to trust Him.  And I also need to trust God that this is good and will be good for my children.

Praise God that Victor is one month old today!  A huge milestone for such a little guy whose pacifier is as big as his face.  It does help to keep his mouth closed so the oxygen stays in.

He still has episodes of apnea and less frequently, bradycardia.  This is all still in "normal" range for a baby born at his gestation and his current age.  And being a boy means that he is going to struggle more than his female counterparts.  The doctor said yesterday that when considering a bell shaped curve of micro preemies, Victor is ahead of the curve.  Praise God for this good news!

We continue to pray for every breath, that his lungs become stronger, and remember to work consistently.  We also pray against infection.  We pray that he tolerates his feeds and that he gains weight.  He did lose a little weight yesterday and is down to 1 lb. 15 oz.  No real explanation for this but it will be watched.

I am thankful again today for an apartment to sleep in and for a car to drive.  I am thankful that Katrina came for Mother's Day and she treated me to a very memorable lunch.  She broke her jaw a few weeks ago so she has her jaw wired shut.  Our lunch choices were limited since few restaurants are open on Sundays and unfortunately our restaurant of choice did not have any soup.  She chose mashed potatoes with bacon and had a little coughing spell due to the bacon which caused just a little panic attack.  Danger averted and then we had to watch a little boy throw up right next to our booth.  The poor wait staff were so flustered that they didn't know what to do.  Since Katrina and I were both about to lose our own meal she kindly covered it up with a napkin.  And then we arrived back at the hospital just in time to see Victor being suctioned.  The child has Guinness Book of World Records sized mucus.  He's a celebrity among the respiratory staff.  It was a good day.

It's a touchy subject but...

Today I'm going to tackle the topic of finances in adoption.  If you really don't want to read a conversation about money, you have my permission to bow out now.

Adoption is costly.  Period.  While I hate the concept of putting a dollar amount on a child, it is the unfortunate reality.  Recently when John and I spoke on the topic of adoption at Mechanicsburg High School's Diversity Day, we shared this sample chart of agency fees for a healthy domestic infant:

Caucasian             $30-$45K
Asian                    $30-$45K
American Indian   $30-$45K
Hispanic               $30-$42K
Bi-racial                $26-$32K
African American $24-$30K

We let them look at it for a few moments and then simply asked the question, "What jumps out at you?"  And they got it.  They were amazed at the high cost of adoption.  We explained that this didn't even cover everything.  There is the home study fee, agency application fee(s), unexpected medical fees or higher lawyer fees, possible travel fees, and post-placement fees.  But they got something else, something even more difficult to accept.  As one student put it, "It looks like the law of supply and demand."  Yes.  And so, so sad.  We then shared with them that some agencies will even turn down a Black mother because they have no families willing to adopt her child.

So what it boils down to is this, most families who are called to adopt, do not have this kind of money sitting around.  We are living fairly simple, yet comfortable American lives.  We are not living extravagant lives, we're saving what we can.  But even if we scrimped and saved for years, very few of us could afford the up-front fees of adoption.  So we fundraise.  We apply for grants.  We borrow from here and take loans from there.  We cut back on as many expenses as we can.  And we ask for help.

My children have taught me so much about giving to others.  I love to see a child take money from her "give" jar to help someone out and I am challenged when another child empties out his "save" jar to give sacrificially.  It may only be dimes and nickels but it's all they have and was likely being saved for something special.  Like the widow's mite, their sacrifice is blessed.

Through the years I have learned to give like this, too.  What joy comes from giving to missions trips, adoptions, a friend who needs a pick-me-up, or just a gift to bless.  I can wallow in the thought that I don't have anything extra to give but when it comes down to it, my comfortable American life means that I certainly do have something to give.  If I pass Starbucks, do I have the money for a pick-me-up?  If I need new sneakers, am I able to buy what I need?  If we want to celebrate a family member, do we go out for ice cream?  Most of us would say yes to all of these and I would say that means that most of us can give more than we do.  When I listen to God's voice telling me to whom and when to give, I find that the blessing comes back to me.  I especially enjoy anonymous gifts because then I know my heart was in the right place and I didn't expect anything in return.

Our adoption consultant, Tracie, had several guest bloggers post on her blog under the theme, "Why I give a boatload of money to adoption."  Tracie herself wrote the last post and it can be found here.  She recaps a time when she did the math, and found that it was actually the small gifts that added up to the total gift.  That's what we need to keep in mind; if we give our widow's mite, God will bless it and it will multiply.

Tracie also brainstormed a unique plan whereby her families could spread the word about their adoption fundraising.  It works especially well with the adopttogether website.  And here's how it works:

You agree to share our adopttogether site on your Facebook page, or other social media outlet.  You put a challenge out for 50 of your friends to each donate $10 or more.  For added incentive, you could offer a prize drawing.  Think of something you could make such as a special dessert, a knitted craft, a painting, or a small woodworking project (be prepared to mail it if someone from out of state should win) or if you're not feeling especially creative, you could purchase a gift card.  Make sure you tell them to post a comment under your FB post so that you know who to put into your drawing.  So, your Facebook post could look something like this:

Happy Mother's Day!  My amazing and wonderful high school friend (you can insert descriptors of your choice along with how you know us), Cindy, and her husband John, are adopting a micro preemie, born on April 13, 2013 at 25 weeks, weighing only 1 lb. 13 oz. You can read their story at thekingzooandfunnyfarm.blogspot.com.  Part of the adoption process is fundraising to cover agency fees, lawyer's fees and medical bills.  Please join us in helping them out.  They are using adopttogether.org/kingzoo to raise the needed funds and all donations are tax deductible.  I would love to see 50 of my friends each donate $10 or more.  If you do, I will enter you into a drawing to win a blue and green knitted winter scarf made by me.  Just be sure to post a comment here stating that you  donated so I know who to include in my drawing and do so by May 15.  Thank you for loving the least of these.

It's that simple!  Oh, and you can get it on our drawing if you are Facebook friends with John.

And we thank you.  Little Victor thanks you.

And the nurse apologizes for the pink and yellow blanket but it was the softest one she could find.  It all got changed last evening anyway.

We also thank you for remembering us in prayer...

Praise God from whom all blessings flow!  We praise Him on the bad days and we praise Him on the good days.  Yesterday was a great day.  While still having several apnea episodes during the morning and early afternoon, they have graduated Victor to high flow nasal cannula.  I can now see his precious little face and all of that beautiful black hair.  This machine is much quieter and Victor appears much more relaxed and happier.

He weighs between 2 lb. and 2 lb. 1 oz.  We are starting to see his legs fill out and his nurses were so happy yesterday to report that they see the start of butt cheeks.  I'm told that when we see cheeks on both ends, that's a sure sign of progress.  His skin is getting thicker and losing its transparent look.  He is opening his eyes more and it appears as if he is trying to focus.

Feeds had been suspended to give his stomach time to heal from some reflux, but they started them again last evening.  Skin-to-skin was also called off Friday since he had such a rough day but at 9PM yesterday I was finally allowed to hold him again - without the big 'ole CPAP mask!

Still no signs of any infection.  Another big praise!

—

Knowing

When Andrew was 4 years old, he was diagnosed with craniosynostosis which required cranial reconstruction to correct.  We have a photo of Andrew the morning of surgery, happily eating his breakfast of popsicle.  What 4 year old wouldn't be happy with popsicle for breakfast?  His big smile comes from not only getting a popsicle for breakfast but also from being blissfully unaware of what that day, and the next few weeks were going to hold.  Because how can you prepare a 4 year old for this kind of surgery?  We didn't hide it from him.  We talked about it on a 4 year old level and he was quick to tell others, "The doctors are going to cut my head and fix my skull."  He knew what was coming but he didn't really KNOW.  No parent is going to fill their child with fear by describing exactly what is going to transpire, the details of the procedure,the pain that is going to come, and the recovery afterward.

So did we know what we were getting into by saying yes to a micro preemie?  We talked to those who had been there.  We talked to experts.  We did our research.  We knew what to expect but we didn't KNOW.  In the same way that we hid the details from Andrew, God lovingly keeps us from knowing too much before we take a step forward.  If we had really KNOWN how difficult this was going to be, would we have said yes?  Probably not.  We happily ate our popsicles and followed our Father to the hospital.  We are in His hands as are our tomorrows.  Like my four year old when surgery approached, I'm not going to worry about what I don't know.  At least I'm trying.

Prayers for Victor...

Yesterday was a very difficult day, the first day with major setbacks typical to a micro preemie.  It's not easy to sit and watch this.  It's not easy to watch the nurse become stressed.  It's not easy to watch his numbers come down again, to see the nurses swarm in, call for respiratory ASAP, and find the doctor.  I don't like sitting there, in the midst of everything, but I don't want to not be there, wondering what is happening.

He crashed three times during the day, needing respiratory assistance each time.  After the first one, the RT suctioned him out really good.  Reflux is a big issue for these kids because of the way they are fed, the feeding tube allows food to come back up from his stomach.  Once it does, it sits there.  Suctioning him out really helped.  They did this again later in the day when he had another spell.  Now it's in his chart for every 6 hours whether he needs it or not.  But when he crashed the third time, the doctor said that maybe now he just needs to recover from all the intervention he's received today.  Most of the time he is kept calm and quiet, lights low, and bed temperature even.  Intubating him would be an option but the last time they did that he didn't tolerate it well so the doctor prefers to wait and see.  The theme for the day was to reassure me that this is very normal for his age and as the day nurse gave her report to the night nurse, I heard her say, "He's acting his age today." But I don't want him to act his age, I want him to amaze.  I want him to be victorious.  Pray that today his lungs would amaze and that they would be victorious.

Praise God for the gift of Victor because he truly is a gift.  Before I left the hospital last night, I stood over him and spoke truth into his life and sang to him.  Almost every time I started speaking, he smiled. You can tell me it was a reflex or gas, that's fine.  But to me, it was a gift.  The gift of Victor and the testimony of his life.

Praise God for plopping me smack dab in the middle of a postcard.  If I leave the hospital at just the right time in the evening, I can watch the setting sun reflect off the mountains during my whole drive home.  It's breathtaking and just reminds me of every good gift God gives just because He wants to give good gifts to His children.

Praise God for people who use their gifts to serve others.  So many people have surrounded John and the kids this week with childcare, transportation, meals, etc.  We are overwhelmed.  And when I arrived back at the hospital after lunch, the nurses gave me a blanket for Victor.  They said that a woman had dropped off several blankets that her mother had made and wanted them to be given to adoptive families.  What a blessed gift.

Pray for John on Sunday morning.  Sundays are never a fun time for families getting ready for church.  There seem to be more arguments and problems on Sundays.  I think this is especially true for PKs (pastor's kids).  The Good Doctor also has to preach on Sunday which adds another dimension to the whole thing.  He does have someone coming to the house to help the littlest ones get ready.  Praise God!

And please pray that I can find a church to call home for a few months.  Do you know how difficult it is to find a Christian church near Salt Lake City?  If I wanted an LDS church, I'd have one on every corner to choose from.  I did find a community church that I'm going to try out.