All because a former first lady (who is a wonderful woman in all other regards - don't send me hate mail) needed something to do so she decided that American school children needed to eat healthier while on school property. Now they can't just say no to those veggies they won't eat, they have to use them to fill up space on their trays and then throw them away at the end of lunch time. Yet somehow, if they don't want a piece of fruit they can choose a Slushie for their "nutritious" fruit. The inconsistencies are numerous. Including, the former first lady herself. You can't tell me that she served celery sticks with candles lined up within, when throwing birthday parties for her daughters. And I'm certain that their friends were not eating scoops of mashed potatoes (sans butter or sour cream) beside those yummy celery sticks.
But we, the working class, have to obey the law of the land so no fun treats it is. Now, I'm a rule follower but this isn't my first rodeo (although my first rodeo did take whoopie pies into school for his birthday and my second rodeo chose ice cream sandwiches, breaking this mother's heart to send in a treat that she couldn't make in her own kitchen).
My how things have changed between my first and last rodeo. Deciding what to send in for Victor's birthday treat was a source of much angst and sleepless nights. I just couldn't see how passing around the carrot sticks and asking, "Would you like hummus or Ranch dressing with Victor's birthday treats today" could be fun for anyone. Certainly not me!
So I decided to take his obsession with robots and create a "healthy" treat for his school friends. I am certain that in a test lab, you would find that the unsweetened applesauce and raisins counteract all of the sugar in the candy. And if you are really worried about the fact that it was cheaper to buy these box drinks over the 100% juice variety, just make sure your kid only drinks half of the box because it says 50% less sugar. At least that's the logic I'm using here. Go with it.
Victor had fun helping gather the ingredients for each robot (although he gave us enough eyes for probably the whole kindergarten academy) and begging for a piece of candy every minute of the process.
And when we made the decision to Braille his name for each robot (no sugar in that!), I convinced him to do half of them and I did the rest. It went something like this:
Victor: *Types V* "Can I have a snack?"
Me: *Ignoring the fact that he didn't use the capital letter symbol because he is, after all, only in kindergarten* Let's finish typing your name first.
Victor: *Types I* "Can I take these to school tomorrow?"
Me: "No, your birthday is on Saturday so you'll take these on Friday."
Victor: *Types C* "Did I tell you about my robot at school?"
Me: "Yes."
Victor: "It plays cassettes and tells me about Count Dracula. It asks que-"
Me: "I know. I saw it, remember? Could you please keep typing? You have to do 12 of these, remember?"
Victor: *Types T-O-R I-S W-A-L-K-I-N-G*
Me: "That's great that you can type sentences but I need you to type just your name and now there isn't enough room around your name for me to cut this out. Let's start again. Can you please type a V?"
Rinse and repeat. Oh my.
But we finished. And I dropped them off at the school with my blessing. And a prayer that Mrs. Obama wouldn't choose this day to visit a small little school in PA and with a smile because she can ruin school birthdays but she can't touch our home plans.
Donuts, it has always been, and donuts it will always be. Happy 6, buddy! You've come so far.
First thing this morning I told him, "Happy Birthday." He thought for a minute and then said, "I don't feel 6. Am I taller?"
That's not how it works.
And then he must have been thinking about past birthdays because he wanted to know how Johnny Cash could have come to his 3rd birthday when (as he now knows) Johnny Cash is dead.
Ummmm, we lied to you? But do as I say and not as I do. Don't lie. Lying is bad. Are you going to be okay with this newfound knowledge?
I think he'll be okay.
It's a good thing we did that fun party at 3 because this kid just isn't party material so instead we invited a few families who know Victor and who could help us explain to their children that Victor might just meltdown once or twice (okay, the whole time?) during his birthday "gathering".
But once a teacher, always a teacher so we did have a partial theme. Because what does Victor love as much as robots? Drums and music!
But, wonder of wonders, miracle of miracles...he did great! A good time was had by all.
I think they know him pretty well!
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