97

Today is my grandmother's 97th birthday. At least we think it is. There is some confusion over the exact date. Her birth certificate has one date, she celebrated another for 90+ years, or something like that. But there's no contesting the year or her age. Although she has been known to switch the numerals when it's convenient. That would make her "just" 79 this year.

Victor loves to visit with her. Alone. Everyone else was kicked out the last time he visited. He had all kinds of questions. We probably don't want to know what they were.
One of the things I have enjoyed is seeing her projects, using the items made with her hands, and talking about what she is making or has recently made. It's more difficult for her to work with her hands these days but she is still passing along the crafting tradition.

Somewhere in the 90s, my mom decided we would have a 3 generations quilt. The school where I taught held an auction every year to raise funds for the school. She suggested that we make a quilt for the auction. And why not choose a school-related theme for our quilt?

So we divided up the project among the three of us (I'm pretty sure I had the smallest portion but that's okay). Turned out pretty nice if I do say so myself. I don't remember who bought it or for how much or if we even know where it might be displayed, if it is even still displayed, but I am thankful we had the opportunity to work together on this project.

Happy 97th birthday, Grandmom!

Mother's month

I received the most interesting gifts for Mother's Day this year. In fact, my children were so thoughtful they made it last the whole month. One child gave me an orchestra concert. Well, me and all the other mothers. And anyone else who wanted to spend the day at the Forum for a concert. Another child gifted me with abstract art on the wall and another wrote a heartfelt note (it really was!). And then the best gifts came.

But it really started the day before Mother's Day with a phone conversation.

Me: Well, Andrew, I gotta go now. Enjoy the rest of your weekend.
Andrew: Okay. Hey, did you like your Mother's Day gift?
Me (thinking this was a joke since my kids don't buy me gifts unless the Good Doctor remembers to take them to Wal-mart): Yes, I did. I loved it. It was beautiful. Thanks so much.
Andrew (thinking about the actual item he sent and not realizing I though he was joking): Great!

We said our good-byes and the Good Doctor started asking what I had gotten. Continuing with the joke-that-I-thought-was-but-wasn't I just told him I wasn't telling, it was a secret. This continued for some time until I finally texted Andrew back, "Your father doesn't get our humor. He thinks you really sent me something and he's mad I won't tell him what it is."

My phone immediately rang.

Me: Yes, Andrew?
Andrew: Wait, you didn't get my gift?
Me: Very funny. You didn't send a gift. It was a joke all along.......It was a joke, right?

Turns out the joke was on me. And on him. He really did send a gift. And he paid for expedited shipping so it'd be here on time. Only it wasn't. And there really was a gift-to-be.

And then, a message from one of my daughters-in-law-to-be, "Did you like your potatoes?"

My what?

On Mother's Day, Son#2 told me that his gift for me was going to be a bit late.

Wait, is it the same thing your brother sent me?

*Grin*

Well, this was getting interesting. Turns out each of the oldest really did send me a potato. But not just any potato. A potato with corny puns. Just for me, arriving one-by-one in the weeks after Mother's Day. Handwritten by former teachers sitting around a table in some old warehouse somewhere. Making tons of money. Off of my kids and everyone else who gifted their mothers with potatoes for Mother's Day.

A nicely misspelled potato needs a

nice dish to display it, doesn't it?

But we all ended up getting them for Mother's Month since the company was overwhelmed with too many orders. So Son #1 is getting a free potato as compensation for the potato that was to be on time but wasn't.

It was more fun this way.

But look out, you might be receiving his free potato.

The Good Doctor wanted to cut them up to plant them. But I wasn't sure if each potato that grew would have the whole saying on it or just the word from that section?

Son #2 requested mashed potatoes for dinner. I told him I needed to get some potatoes at the grocery store. He said, no, I should cut up my Mother's Month gifts.

I said, no, never. I'm going to put them in each child's keepsake box. Should be fun in 20 years, yes?

Twenty

It is her birthday.

She is not here.

It's our new reality.

But she was here for a few days. In Victor's birthday message he said, "Thanks for coming to our house...Please come next time and share another community night."

He was on his most awful behavior while she was here but at least we can all recognize that it's his code for, "I'm excited you're here and can't contain myself."

She recently posted some old head shots. It was a fun trip down memory lane.

Victor asked me how old she is. I'm really bad with years but if I counted back and up correctly, I think she's 20. I'm at least in the right ball park.

We love your drive, your maturity, your love, your passion, and your energy. We love to have you home. We love to chat. We love to see you love your sisters. We love to see you do what you love doing. Enjoy your summer job and the experience that comes with it.

Keep it up!

But thanks be to God, who always leads us as captives in Christ’s triumphal procession and uses us to spread the aroma of the knowledge of him everywhere. For we are to God the pleasing aroma of Christ among those who are being saved and those who are perishing. To the one we are an aroma that brings death; to the other, an aroma that brings life. And who is equal to such a task? Unlike so many, we do not peddle the word of God for profit. On the contrary, in Christ we speak before God with sincerity, as those sent from God. 2 Corinthians 2: 14 - 17

Shepherding

In early 2000, the Good Doctor and I worked with a local pregnancy center, in their "shepherding program." As a shepherding home, we opened our doors to single mothers-to-be. They lived with us while pregnant and for a few months afterward, until they transitioned to their next home.

The first young mother came to our home when I was pregnant with Isaac. We not only talked about pregnancy and babies together but I taught her to cook (when she came she thought that being able to macaroni and cheese out of a box was the epitome of meal prep) and tried to prepare her for life as a single parent. As we spent more time with her it became apparent that she was suffering from significant mental illness and likely would not be able to parent on her own. In the end, she transitioned to a group home where she could live with her daughter and have more supervision than if she had found her own apartment. She continued to spend time with us on birthdays and holidays. We stayed in touch for several years and know that she did eventually live on her own and had at least two more children. Along the way we lost contact with her.

The second mother, though younger than the first, definitely had a better skill-set for life on her own. I was able to accompany her through delivery and to witness the birth of her son. We have also lost contact with her but last we heard, she was living on her own with her son and successfully attending community college.

I  often wonder about these two women and their children who would be teens themselves now. I pray that they are in communities where they are loved and where their children have come to know the Lord. We never know what seeds we plant or how our lives have impacted another. I recently ran across the beautiful letter that the second mother gave us when she moved out...

"To: John, Cindy, Andrew, Jesse, Mariana, and Isaac -

I appreciate all that you have done for m. You all will be blessed and then some.

Please be careful of who you allow in because this world is getting more and more vicious. Everyone isn't who they claim to be and I would hate to see something ba happen to you guys. Many good things will come your way. Thank you for allowing me to have roof over my head and food to eat. My son will definitely be told about you all when he gets older.

To all the kids:  Be grateful of your parents. They are the best thing that happened to you. You all are very fortunate to have parents who care about others besides themselves. When you get old enough to understand what I'm saying then you too will realize what beautiful people you have in your lives.

Mariana, I know you always wanted a sister. Be patient and you just might get what you wish. If not, you can always call on me. As of right now, your mom is the closest you'll get to a wonderful, caring and trusting sister.

To all the kids: When all else fails, you can always turn to your family and God. You can never go wrong there.

Cindy, Thank you for coming to the hospital with me. If you weren't there, I would have fainted by now. It was a crazy experience, but I got a beautiful son out of it all. Thank you for all the tips.

John, You keep being the great preacher and parent that you are now and you will have all you need. Believe that!

To all the boys, Be good for your mother and father. Always protect your little sister. She is precious to you all. Keep your head in those books and continue to be excellent with the violin.

There aren't enough words for me to say to you all about how much I appreciate what you have done for me."

Friday nights

When I was growing up, Friday nights were at MomMom's. Aunts, uncles, and cousins gathered every Friday night (with very few exceptions!) for dinner, talking (the adults), and playing. It was where birthdays were celebrated and the kids were allowed to roam the neighborhood together. I remember walks to the park (and catching crayfish - whatever did we do with them once we brought them home????), swinging in the backyard, and roller skating up and down the hills. It was a different time, when the kids could go on adventures together and no one accused the parents of "free ranging" us. We were just kids, a bunch of cousins making memories together. I think it continued well into my middle school years, likely due to the busyness of my younger brother and cousins.

I recently read of another large family who has a weekly family dinner planned; a night when the adult children have a standing invitation to return home - whenever they are in the area, and my mind immediately went back to those Friday nights. I shared my Friday night memories with the Good Doctor and we decided that this would be a great idea for us and that with two weddings on the horizon and another child possibly moving out this summer, there was no better time than the present to start. No obligations, just a standing invitation with the hope that it will be a desired event - and not just for the Mama who loves to see her family together.

This past Friday was our first attempt and right from the start we had to improvise, but that's what family is all about, right? HopeAnne had a track meet so we packed up a picnic and ate while she ran. Outwardly she wasn't always so pleased with her cheering section (especially when she was the only one who heard her name along with whoops and hollers - while running a warm-up spring), but inwardly it had to feel good to have so many family members there for her. And afterward we enjoyed family games around the table.

Here's to all the Friday nights in the future...

Mom - according to Victor

My mom is ___ years old.
I don't know. I'm thinking... but I don't know how old. I never know how. Do you have a clue?

My mom sounds beautiful when...
you are really sweet. You know when you're sweet? You're sweet on spring days like when it's sunny out. Right?

My mom is not very good at...
making shakes.

My mom's job is...
keep people safe. Am I right?
(I tell him this all the time!)

My mom laughs when...
it's funny. You laugh when you hear silly things.

My mom is really good at...
I'm trying to think...playing with me.

When Mom is alone she likes to...
go to the beach.

Mom is happy when...
I do something that my mom likes like when I'm nice.

When I am at preschool my mom...
does homeschool.

The best thing Mom cooks is...
I'm not sure about that...rolls, but I meant the factory makes the best rolls.

If Mom had a million dollars, she would buy...
gum.
(I don't even chew gum. I think this is meant for him.)

My favorite thing to do with my mom is...
go outside. Isn't that a good one?

If I could buy Mom a gift I would buy...
Trying to think...I could build you something like the foster closet. And you know what I would get for you? I would give you a kiss. You know what I would say? Happy Mother's Day!

Mom is super because...
you take me to school.

When Mom was little she...
I don't know, I wasn't there!

If I were a mom I would...
cook. I would love to go to Nashville.

My mom always says...
I love you.

I love my mom more than...
donuts.

Birthmother's day

In some circles, this day (the day before Mother's Day) is known as Birthmother's Day.

I understand why some wanted to create a day alone for birthmothers but I'm not sure it's a day to be celebrated. No woman ever chooses to be in a situation where she cannot raise her own child. No one grows up looking forward to choosing another family for her child.  No woman chooses to be an "orphan" herself, with no one to encourage or support her as she raises her child.

So while I am all about celebrating the courageous women who labor not only to bring a child into this world but to selflessly labor in choosing what she deems to be the best future for her child, I'm not sure it's a day to be celebrated.

There is always grief involved in foster care and adoption. For all parties. There is always a separation. Often times, there are life-long struggles for the birth family, child, and new family.

To C--, I--, T--, and B--, today is not a day to send you flowers or cards. No, today is a day to tell you that we celebrate you each and every day. We honor you in our home.  We hope that we have not added to your pain but that in some way, we have been able to lead you to the One who can bring you comfort and healing. We hope that you have felt our love and acceptance of you as individuals and as the first mothers to each of our children. We know you were not perfect but neither are we. We ask for grace as we, with God's help, strive to raise your children in a way that would make you proud. We love your children and we love you.

My view

Graduations are an interesting thing.



Same song. Sounds like a funeral march. Same robes. Non-flattering although maybe that's the point. Same hats. Never stay on.

And same problem.

If you're not short, you may not understand.

But this was my view of the processional.

 




And my view of the prayer.


But since Jake rolled out of bed just in time to attend graduation with us,  I handed the camera to him. He had a much better view.

So he gave us 10 second updates about what was happening.

He also took some pictures of Jesse since that's why we were there. That's him. In the middle.



But thankfully they told people to sit down for the good part. The 3 seconds or so that it took them to state my son's name.












But the good news is, he got his beautiful diploma cover.
It only took him three years to get this blank piece of paper.
He makes us so proud.

My view of him coming across the field. Same guy in my way.






Oh, and this was my view of the benediction. It was a good one.
The benediction, that is. Not necessarily the view.


But the views around campus are beautiful.














Now off to Shady Maple to celebrate!