Just 2 sheets

I hope you will indulge me and allow me a bit of potty talk today.

While at a recent King's Strings concert, I found a wonderful invention in the bathroom. A toilet paper dispenser that unloads only 2 sheets at a time.

I took an extra piece - a clean one (which, I admit, by being wasteful, defeats the purpose of the self-limiting nature of the dispenser) to show to the children. After everyone had seen the marvelous by-product of this invention, I explained that I was going to get one of these for each of our bathrooms at home.

Maybe it's just us, but we have found that by owning water saving toilets, we have actually complicated matters in the throne room. When children use too much toilet paper, the water saving toilet cannot handle the excess, and it becomes a water saver no more but a water spewer instead. And of course since No One was the last to use that particular bathroom, No One is also unavailable to clean up the mess.

And let me just take this opportunity to also clear the air (get it?) about one of these water saving toilets in particular. Apparently the person who installed it was unaware that I am a petite 5'1" so he installed what I can only guess is the big and tall version. There is definitely a problem with a toilet that does not allow my feet to touch the ground. In my bathroom. Not only that, but this toilet is designed for baseball players. Let me explain. It uses such little water that you have to have amazing precision in your toilet paper dropping aim. If it does not go to the exact correct position, it will not go down (in this case, the 2 sheet limit would not make much difference, I admit). And finally, this appliance has 2 flushers. You cannot imagine how stressful this makes one's private business. As if I do not have enough decisions to make in each and every day, every time I get off the thing I have to decide if it will go down by using the flusher on the left, thereby saving the most water, or if I have to use the flusher on the right which is supposedly a water waster (although still does not take care of the paper that does not land in the exact spot the designer designed - I tried).

But I still think that one of these great 2 sheet dispensers might solve some of the problems in the main bathroom. Don't you think?

And then maybe since The Good Doctor would be saving all that time he used to use cleaning up the effects of too much paper, he would have time to fix the light switch in there, the one you have to jiggle to make it go on. And the flusher handle that needs to be manually pushed back up after it has been pushed down or water will continue to run (demoting the water saver toilet to a clear win for the water waster title). Or the door handle that doesn't lock so that you have to pull out a drawer once you're inside to ensure that no one enters. Or that makes small children think it is locked when they turn it the wrong way when trying to exit so they stand in the bathroom pitifully crying, silently, so that I can't hear them, "I'm locked in the bathroom." Such happenings can be very traumatizing.

Like too-big toilets that leave my feet dangling and which force me to make such stressful decisions several times a day.