If you see me dancing

If you saw me driving along 81 on Thursday, please excuse my actions.  If you saw me yelling at no one in particular, when I was the only one in the vehicle, you may have questioned my sanity.  But if you were in my shoes, you might have done the same thing because you see, after a week of one attack after another, I spent that whole ride yelling at Satan to leave me and my family and this little baby alone!  I do not swear by nature but it got as colorful as I could muster.  I told him that the victory had already been won by the blood of Jesus and that he was going down.  I reminded him that I had a blog and that because he continued to attack, I was going to go public with us; I was going to tell the story of his cheap shots and his demise.

My breast cancer scare started about a week before April 20.  Of course it did.  We knew something was going to happen that day.  Looking back, I realize that it all began about the same time that Noah's precious mother was having complications and delivering her baby.  I started to have pain and my self-examination led me to several diagnoses, all of which were most definitely fatal.  I decided to leave it in the hands of the doctor so I made myself an appointment.  I explained the pain, an overall achy feeling and fatigue.  She told me I had spring allergies and scheduled a mammogram for Monday, April 22.

Of course this was all very distracting to the adoption discussion so I asked my dear praying friends to cover the situation in prayer.  I went to the appointment thinking all would be well.  The next day I received a call telling me that I needed to return for a follow-up and to be prepared for an ultrasound as well.  I explained that we were considering an adoption situation and that I might possibly need to be out of state for a period of time, could they please give me their earliest appointment to get this over with.  So I was scheduled for Thursday afternoon.

The distraction and fear were overwhelming.  It was only the prayers of my prayer warriors that kept me from sinking further down the well of anxiety.  I felt like I was carrying weighted backpacks of fear, distraction, pain, and anxiety.  How could we discuss adopting when at my worst moments I was sure I was dying?  A whole lot of faith there, huh?  As I prayed on Wednesday morning, I saw myself walking along the beach holding Jesus' hand.  He looked at me and said, "You don't have breast cancer.  Now go."  I had such an overwhelming peace.  But because of my frail humanness, it was short-lived.  A praying friend wrote to say that she sensed she was to tell me that our decision about adoption was not to be dependent upon the results of Thursday afternoon's appointment.  So we decided that we would make our final decision Thursday morning.

One friend wrote back to our SOS call for prayer, "UNVELIEVABLE!  Satan takes such cheap shots!  He's a liar!"  She wrote back and said, "This is a big deal and the enemy is threatened.  Noah has a destiny and a purpose that will blow us away.  I always feel so amused that Satan gets so bent out of shape about the 'least of these', the weakest of the weak...it's because he knows, HE KNOWS that there is power in life redeemed.  You will NOT be shaken today, my friend.  Jesus goes before you and He s your rear guard too!"

In the midst of this we called our personal out of state physician, the one who has actually made more correct diagnoses in my life and given me the best medical advice on numerous occasions, compared to my local doctors.  Without telling her all of my symptoms, just mentioning the pain, she diagnosed an infection.  She called in a prescription and we waited.

Thursday morning we knew that we had to say yes to Victor.  We prayed, we made the phone call to Utah, and we waited for my appointment in the afternoon.  The pain was still there so I prayed that they would find nothing in the first test and that I could go home immediately.

But Satan was not finished.  After the first scan they sent me back to the waiting room to wait.  Then the radiologist wanted another scan.  Then I waited again.  Then yes, he wanted the ultrasound as well.  I've had enough ultrasounds in my life to realize that she wasn't finding anything.  After a little while she left the room saying the radiologist himself might want to come back for more pictures.  So I waited again.  I lay there for 15 minutes, alone.  Hoping there were no hidden cameras in the room I just whispered the name of Jesus over and over and over again.  Finally, the technician came back into the room and announced, "You're free to go.  They found nothing."  I think I might have offended her slightly when I explained that I knew it, I knew that Satan was just using this to distract.  I told her about the adoption and we had a lovely discussion on the topic.

If I could have, I would have danced the whole way home.  But the van made the 15 mile trip a whole lot faster.

About an hour later we got this sweet message from our case worker:
From Noah's birthmother: "Ok they won my heart and I am more than happy to choose them."

Jesus, thank you that the victory is already won.  Thank you for holding me up when I couldn't do it myself.  Thank you for each twinge of pain that reminded me to pray for our birthmother and her son, even when I didn't know who she was yet.  Thank you for teaching me to let others help carry the burden.  Thank you for teaching me so much about prayer.  Thank you for once again demonstrating to all that we have power through your shed blood.  Thank you for the power in your name.  Thank you for this experience that has grown me so much in my faith.  Amen.

We'll join in singing with all the redeemed
'Cause Satan is vanquished and Jesus is King!  (Listen here)