Coop checker

Ever since Christmas, when the Good Doctor made public his career shift, and wrote a somewhat misleading article about how his new job configuration would make it easier for his wife to work outside the home, friends and strangers alike have been asking me what on earth I plan to do.

As if I know.

Most of the time I say something like, "Well, the only thing I do know is that I'm 99% sure I'm not going back into teaching." And if they press me with the why question, I answer, "Because I was the first one there in the morning and the last one to leave at night. John was in grad school and worked an hour away from home so there was no one waiting for me or needing me at home. I could put that much into my teaching. Now I have a family at home and I feel like I'd be torn between the two worlds."

But then I sat in Victor's IEP meeting this week, and secretly wished I could be any of the teachers in that meeting. All of the fun parts of teaching came back to me and for a moment, I was ready to unfreeze that certificate, take all the classes I would need to take to bring it up-to-date, and send out resumes.

Until someone mentioned inservice. I hate meetings. This teacher much preferred the other side of the desk.

The moral of the story is that I still don't know. But about a month ago, I did find the perfect job.

It all started when someone told us that you can have chickens in our township. Three chickens, to be exact. You just have to pay the township your chicken fees and then follow a few (just three pages long) guidelines and have your coop inspected by the township's official coop checker, and then get yourself some (three) chickens. Hens, of course, cause nobody likes roosters. Except maybe hens? I don't know. I didn't grow up on a farm.

But the Good Doctor did. And when he heard the word chickens, my I-hate-dogs-and-cats-and-all-animals-cause-I-grew-up-on-a-farm touting husband, declared that we would be getting chickens and that they would be all his, he would take care of them all the time, and no one else should even try. (You know what happens when kids use this argument to get their parents to buy a pet and then after a few weeks the parents are the ones feeding the pet and taking it for walks and cleaning out the cage? Yeah, same thing happens with chicken-loving husbands.)

So he walked himself over to the township building and paid his chicken dues. Then he memorized the three pages of coop guidelines and bought himself a coop.

Step 1: Paint outline of coop on ground so official township coop checker can approve of your location. And so neighbors can wonder what kind of crime occurred in your backyard.
Step 2: Have official township coop checker come to your home to approve your proposed coop location.
Step 3: Place coop over painted outline.
Step 4: Have official township coop checker come back to your home to approve your official coop location.

We waited with baited breath to learn the fate of our coop from the official coop checker.

Best words ever heard, "Coop is ok"

To say we were pleased with the results would be an understatement.

And this was when I finally knew what I wanted to do with all of my new-found freedom and with the Good Doctor's freed-up schedule.

I want to be a coop checker.

I suspect the class load might be tough:
Types of Coops 101
Beginning Report and Approval Verbage
Advanced Inspection Techniques and Tools
Page Filling Scribbles (This is a senior-level course only)

But I think I could study while I eat my bon bons and watch my soaps, don't you think?

I figure there can't be all that many coops around so I would still be able to pack up and visit my away-from-home children whenever I want. I can still have my Saturdays and Sundays off. I know this because my kids made me watch Parks and Rec and we all know nobody in government works on Saturdays and Sundays. I could plan around my kids' school schedules, leaving after they leave in the mornings and returning before they get home in the evening. Best of all, it shouldn't take too much energy.

Because really, how long can it possibly take to write, "Coop is ok"?

Cindy King, Coop Checker

Better than Poop Checker, which Victor seems to think is my current job.