Blessed be who?

Today's message is for my kids. I'd like to offer a Christmas suggestion and also a Christmas dis-suggestion (anti-suggestion, non-suggestion?).

A warning?

I do love my Scriptures and a Christmas gift with a Scripture passage is a wonderful idea. There is just one passage of Scripture that I never want to see in my house.

Proverbs 31: 10 - 31

This is my least favorite Scripture passage in all of Scripture. Now, all along I've been blaming King Solomon for this work. I even tried to explain to the Good Doctor this morning that King Solomon is part of the reason that none of us should even have to try to take this passage seriously. The guy wrote everything he was looking for in a woman, then it took him over 1000 tries and he still couldn't find her.

Until the Good Doctor tried to tell me that it wasn't written by King Solomon, it was written by King Lemuel.

(I looked it up. He's right.)

Well, that should tell you something right there. King Solomon was known for his wisdom. King Lemuel, for what? Obviously not his wisdom!

I also tried to explain that some translations include verse 32 which says, "These are the writings of King Solomon which were written in the days before he received wisdom from on high and were meant to be discarded from the manuscript until King Lemuel, wanting to honor his mother, hi-jacked them, and included them saying that they were from his mother."

The first question should be a rudimentary clue: A wife of noble character who can find? King Known-For-Nothing could have just answered his own question with, "Nobody" and be done with it. Much easier to put on a cross-stitch or notecard. I might even have put one on my Amazon wish list. But it doesn't end there.

The Good Doctor then tried to tell me all of the reasons he likes this passage but it really just boiled down to verse 23, "Her husband is respected at the city gate, where he takes his seat among the elders of the land." (I don't want to ruin his little moment of glory but honestly, have you ever seen him sitting at the city gate? Yeah, me neither. Sitting in the recliner with his eyes closed and sports on his phone but at the city gate? Not likely until they install TVs tuned to all the Philly sports stations.)

I, on the other hand, have never held a distaff (not even dat staff), have never grasped a spindle, and my kids would revolt if I dressed them all in matching scarlet (snow or no snow). I don't think my sweatshirt is made of fine linen and even Victor can see that it's not purple. My lamp does go out at night; someone has to pay the electric bill. I have never handed out sashes to merchants nor have I bought a field and saved up to plant a vineyard (which, by the way, would immediately fail since I have no green thumb).

I guess I should  cut this passage some slack. I do laugh. A lot. And I do wake up before dark. I do provide food for my family. But I have never, ever fed my servant girls. Unless you count the time my daughters were washing the kitchen floor and singing It's a Hard Knock Life. I did feed them. But they were just pretending to be servants. And it's true that I have never eaten the bread of idleness although I have eaten the Bread of Giant. Maybe it's a knock-off brand? And if it comes from out of state or out of country (as most American foods do), then I guess I have brought food from afar. But I try not to.

And I do live for the day when my children will arise and call me blessed (and not just because it's my birthday and the Good Doctor made them do so).

Someday.

But probably not today. Today is Saturday and I'm the only woman in the whole wide world who makes her children do chores on Saturday. So not today.

But when they grow up, and get those kids who are just like them (the Lord hears the prayers of a righteous woman, right?). Then. Maybe then, my children will arise and call me blessed.

Until then, women who don't want to see Proverbs 31 displayed in their homes, and introverts, - UNITE (alone, in our own homes, of course).