Expectation

We're in the midst of yet another home study. I've lost count. Although I do know that the very first time we went through this, the agency never finished the home study. They kept telling us it was okay, that this was an "emergency placement" and they'd finish the home study later. Eighteen months later we still didn't have that completed home study but they kept placing children with us. I'm pretty sure that's one reason why they eventually got shut down.

Although most of the process is the same (gather a mound of paperwork and tell us every little secret about your life because if you don't we'll find out anyway), the requirements do change year-to-year, agency-to-agency so there are always a few surprises. Like the fact that they no longer require HIV tests for adoptive parents and the teens in the home. Go figure. Used to matter but apparently no more? TB tests are still required. Again, go figure. But rest assured, no one in my home has either nor do we have anything that would cause a physician to deem us unworthy to adopt another child. I know. Our doctors had to fill out that paperwork. Again.

But there was a question that we were asked this time that we've never been asked before:

Do you plan to add more children to your family?

I looked at John and smiled.

He avoided eye contact.

No, not really.

Well, kind of.

But then he gave his "Cindy is the accelerator and I am the brake" speech, implying that he's certain I'll find another child (I already did and she's perfect - singer, violinist, cerebral palsy, Bible name - what more could he ask for? Oh, and she's 16 meaning we'd have quadruplets! Hey, if you're already teaching 3 to drive, why not 4?) and he'll have to be the one to hold me back.

And that's a great speech. My answer took a bit longer as this is something I've been thinking a lot about lately.

You see, my clock is ticking. Unless God pulls an Abraham and Sarah on us, there will be no more babies (until grandchildren, of course - and they can take their time - just not too much time).

The Good Doctor's age (cause he's older than me) + 18 = Too old to have a high school senior

And that scares me because that means that saying there will be more children means that they will all be older. And older children come with older "stuff".

But here's what I've been thinking:
You can make many plans, but the Lord's purpose will prevail.
Proverbs 19:21

I think I'm done with making plans. God's plans have been so much better than mine, the cost so much greater - yes, yet the dividends so much more rewarding.

I recently spoke to a friend who I hadn't seen for quite some time. She summed this up so well as she told me about a recent addition to their family - just after a few months enjoying their (finally) empty nest, a totally unplanned and unexpected elementary aged girl entered their lives and their family. With joy all over her countenance, she told me how God was teaching her that it's better to live expectant lives than overwhelmed lives.

And I couldn't agree more.

So will there be more?

Join me as we wait with expectation.