Dumb phones

When someone expects me to look something up on my phone, or to check my calendar everywhere I go, and I whip out my dumb phone and wave it in their face, they tend to look at me with disgust or pity or both. "Don't feel bad for me," I say, "Some people have technology. Some people have kids. At my house, I can't afford to have both."

Although I have to admit that there are times that I do not pull it out in public because I'm feeling like a teen-ager who missed out on the latest fad, most of the time I find it easy to keep the proper perspective.

For example, I do not have to worry about becoming addicted to my phone. It plays no games, can't tell me the weather, won't let me mindlessly check out my friends on FB, doesn't have the family calendar, and if I typed in Google, the only thing I could do with it is send it in a text to someone.

Another positive aspect to having a dumb phone is that if it ever gets dropped in the toilet, I don't immediately panic. Who cares if it doesn't work anymore? Good riddance, really.

And yes, I have experience.

Jesse called me last night. We had a nice chat about education and adoption and foster care and an up-coming presentation for which he needs to presentate (Jesse likes to make up words a la Frindle - for all my literary friends). At the end of the conversation, he asked to speak to Victor. Victor was beyond excited at this grown-up activity. He held the dumb phone with one hand and promptly stuck his hand in his pants (presumably in lieu of a back pocket) and ran a mostly one-sided conversation with his older brother. He was also spinning which is a decidedly non-adult activity but one of Victor's favorite stimming activity. This conversation, which began in the living, quickly moved to the den where Victor started to "show" (or at least he thought he was showing) Jesse around. Then he moved on into the bathroom where I found in him the bathtub, clothed, but again "showing" Jesse around the bathtub. I heard him ask, "Do you remember the bathtub where I get my bath?" Next they moved downstairs. After a short while, Victor came running to me with the phone in his outstretched hand, "I don't like that beep!" I guess he had hung up on Jesse and pressing random buttons didn't reconnect them. I solved the problem but before I did, I told Victor that it was now time to say good-bye because we had to get ready for bed.

Victor complied and did relay my message but neither hung up the phone. Instead, Victor began to narrate his evening routine right down to the last trip to the potty. (He's 3, people, and remember, you can't see a thing through my dumb phone!) I should have known better but the last part of the conversation went something like this...

Jesse, want to see me go potty? Jesse, want to see me go potty? Jesse, want to *plop* ....... silence.

But Victor was not to be deterred. He jumped off the potty, promptly fished that dumb phone out of the water, intending to continue his conversation with Jesse. At this moment I think he connected my initial gasp with the fact that Jesse was no longer on the phone. Amazingly, the phone started to ring as Jesse was calling back. But alas, neither one of us could hear each other when I would pick up.

Victor asked if he could talk to Jesse and I told him sadly that no, he could not since he had dropped Jesse in the toilet. He wanted to know if Jesse got wet. So then I explained the whole phone thing and that Jesse is still at college and that it's just that my phone went dead from being in the water. Again, wrong choice of words. Victor wanted to know if it was in Heaven.

However, either from the quick moves on Victor's part to fish it out of the water or on mine to get it in rice, that dumb phone was working like a charm this morning.

Moral of the Story #1 - Never talk on the phone while going to the bathroom.

Moral of the Story #2 - Dumb phones will keep your stress level down in case you forget Moral #1.

I opened my computer to send Jesse a message to let him know why we weren't picking up and found this:
What happened? Did victor drop the phone in the toilet?

and after my explanation:
That was so funny! The ending of the conversation was so funny. You better write about it and let me know what it was like from your end.

I followed through on my end. Now I need to know ... the rest of the story!