Waterfalls and smashed pumpkins

A smashed pumpkin. No big deal. Except that it represents all the pain, anger, hurt, and rejection that one heart can't contain when faced with love and truth. It has to come out. When a human being has no idea what love looks like, can't see it overwhelming, enveloping, it knows only how to react.

Some would say give up. Some would say don't risk the pain and rejection in the first place; choose only to love those who can love back. Some would say don't risk the hurt. Some have said it. But I can't.

I went to God in lament today. I cried out for wisdom and strength and love for one who doesn't want to be loved. It's hard to sit back and watch someone self-destruct out of anger and depression and hurt and to feel like the darkness is winning out over the light.

John 1: 4-5
In him was life, and that life was the light of all mankind. The light shines in the darkness, but the darkness has not understood it.

So like David, I took my discouragement and rejection to Jesus. We went for a walk and ended up at the top of a waterfall. This was new for me. Usually we walk on the beach but this time He needed me to be at a very high place. He asked me to look around at the vastness and houses down below and in quietness and tenderness He told me that it wasn't just about this one person. He reminded me that this is about all of the children who, through no fault of their own, don't know love or family or grace. This goes so much farther than our family's sphere of influence; this is for all the kids who find love to be so foreign that it is scary and they have to put up defenses that are not only worthless but injurious. And it's not just the orphans. It's the widows, the fatherless, the broken, the lonely, the poor, the oppressed. Just take a look around. He told me I have to talk about all of them to raise up others who will do the hard business of loving those who will reject perfect love but who need it the most. This wasn't a new vision. This is an old one shown to people in every generation, in every type of service, because we are a people so prone to forget that we don't have a choice to love. It is a command. We have to love even when it is not returned. Especially when it is not returned. We love when called to love, even if the other party is hell-bent (believe me, I've been called and have heard much worse in the past few months) on cutting deep into the hearts of those who love.

Because that's what He did.

Where does our model of love come from? If we profess to follow Christ, if we name ourselves Christians after Him, then we have to look to His example. Some people are so hurt and broken they don't know how to accept love but don't they deserve it even more? His mission statement, which He quoted from the prophet Isaiah, leaves no room for doubt:

The Spirit of the Lord is on me,
    because he has anointed me
    to proclaim good news to the poor.
He has sent me to proclaim freedom for the prisoners
    and recovery of sight for the blind,
to set the oppressed free,
¹⁹     to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor. Luke 4: 18 - 19

And in the doing, He has given us example after example. Most pronounced to me recently is not how He loved the "easy ones", the ones who wanted to get well, the ones who came to Him, but how He loved the ones who didn't love back; those who forgot to thank Him, the Pharisees always trying to trick Him, the rich, young ruler who went away sad. And the greatest example of this, for me, is Judas. Jesus even knew the end of the chapter. He knew that Judas was going to reject Him to the very end. He knew the hurt that Judas was going to bring. He knew of the betrayal. But He also trusted His Father's plan and loved Judas to the very end. Rejection of love is not a reason to withhold love and grace. Betrayal is not a reason to give up. While boundaries are important, our own fears of being hurt and rejected are not excuses to not love in the first place. And I don't know the end of this chapter. But I do know the end of the story and I know that love truly does win.

When God calls us to love, we love. Period. When He calls us to care for someone, we care. Period. When we are called to fight for someone, we fight. When we are called to sit still and pray while God fights for us, we sit still. We pray. We obey. We don't worry about the outcome; that is not for us to know or use as a qualifier for success. It is not our calling to avoid pain. Christ didn't. It is our calling to suffer as He suffered but to remember always that we do not suffer alone. We can go to Him, we can lament until we can praise. And we can be comforted. We surround ourselves with others who understand mission and calling and for some, their calling includes praying us through, supporting us through, or encouraging us through.

And our strength and wisdom and love for another day will come from the Lord.

I lift up my eyes to the mountains -
where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord the Maker of Heaven and earth.
He will not let your foot slip -
He who watches over you will not slumber;
indeed, He who watches over Israel
will neither slumber nor sleep.
The Lord watches over you -
the Lord is your shade at your right hand;
the sun will not harm you by day,
nor the moon by night.
The Lord will keep you from all harm -
He will watch over your life;
the Lord will watch over your coming and going
both now and forevermore.
Psalm 121

The story is told of John Williams, missionary to the New Hebrides Islands: After speaking eloquently at a conference about all of the successes he had witnessed on his mission field, another missionary got up to speak. This second speaker gave a brief report, humbly reporting his lack of similar success. And then he ended with this quote, "But I have this comfort: when the Master comes to reckon with His servants, He will not say, 'Well done, thou good and successful servant,' but 'Well done, thou good and faithful servant.' I have tried to be faithful!" This is all that is asked of us.

May God bless us with discomfort at easy answers,

half-truths and superficial relationships,

so that we will live deeply in our hearts.

May God bless us with anger

at injustice, oppression

and exploitation of people

and the earth,

so that we will work

for justice, equity and peace.

May God bless us with tears to shed

for those who suffer,

so that we will reach out our hands 

to comfort them

and change their pain to joy.

And may God bless us with the foolishness

to think that

we can make a difference in our world,

so that we will do the things which others

say cannot be done.

-attributed to St. Francis of Assisi