On scooping and praying

Th mother of another child with optic nerve hypoplasia recently mentioned her child's issues with self-feeding. Really? You mean we're not alone? Turns out this is quite common among our beautiful, sometimes frustrating, visually impaired children.

Sometimes it's beyond frustrating. Sometimes I wonder if our OT is just a little too obsessed with getting Victor to eat with a spoon. Sometimes I wonder if he's also not just being age-appropriate in his determination to either be fed or to feed himself with his hands only.

I think by now we've all had his spoon thrown at us. We've all worn oatmeal or yogurt. The bowl has been thrown to the floor too many times to count as well. And the tantrums. This child can move the high chair from one side of the floor to the other just by banging his head against the back of it in anger. Try having a conversation around that. Try getting anything else done while this is going on.

One morning I reached my max. I placed the bowl and spoon on the table, walked away, and stood at the sink to wash dishes while I tried to figure out what to do. As tears flowed freely, I finally realized what I should have remembered all along. I can't do this. I can't have all of the answers to parent my children. I certainly can't have all of the answers to parent my children who come to me with the trauma of separation and adoption and I absolutely can not know how to parent a child with visual, neurological, and possibly endocrine issues. But I have access to the power of Jesus in me and that is where I will find the wisdom to parent.

I started begging Jesus to come and help me; begging Him to calm Victor and to give him the desire to pick up that spoon and eat. A picture came to me, of Jesus standing behind Victor, rubbing his hair and speaking to him gently. I decided to join Him so I went over and did the same. Would you believe that the fight left Victor, he picked up the spoon, said "scoooooooop" just like he's been taught, and put that spoonful of oatmeal into his mouth? He did.

Our feeding problems didn't vanish completely in that moment. He still prefers to be fed or to use his free hand to eat while the other holds the spoon. Sometimes he still starts out by throwing the spoon and attempting to pry the bowl out of my hands so he can fling that as well. But I've been changed. And that was the plan all along, wasn't it?