April 20

I'm always surprised what triggers memories. This week there have been many. And in the midst, celebrations. Last Sunday we celebrated Victor's first birthday. Today we celebrate with family as we also celebrate the anniversary of the email that started it all. We celebrate a date that Eden circled with prayer. It has not gone unnoticed by me that God chose to give us the gift of Easter on this anniversary. For without Easter, there would be no story, nothing out of the ordinary to celebrate today.  Because without Easter, not only would we not have a holiday, we would have no Victor King.

This is amazing grace
This is unfailing love
That You would take my place
That You would bear my cross
You lay down Your life
That I would be set free
Oh, Jesus, I sing for
All that You've done for me

"Oh, Jesus, I sing for all that you've done for me."  But I can't stop there. If I am truly thankful that Jesus took my sin upon Himself, if I believe He died so that I can live forever, and if I proclaim to worship that same risen Lord, then I also must give all of me to all that He asks of me.

Who brings our chaos back into order
Who makes the orphan a son and daughter
The King of Glory, the King of Glory

As I prayed in those months leading up to April 20, 2013, I had no idea the chaos that was to come. As we joined Eden in her child-like faith, praying for April 20 at 5PM, we could not know how our simple act of faith to adopt again was going to require complete trust in God's goodness. But it did, and it does. And because I've learned to trust God's heart no matter what, my finite heart is feeling, I could sing these words with joy.

How I wish for a world without orphans. How I wish that sexual brokenness didn't bring so many children to this place. How I wish mothers and fathers didn't have to make such choices. How I wish young women didn't have to make the decision to place a child into the arms of the other. How I wish there weren't so many women grieving such loss. God didn't want this, either. It was our human choice and desire for free will that brought us to this place. And it is my human choice and desire for free will that daily bring me to the feet of my Savior who died a horrific death, for me and for every single hurting person on this planet.  Because of His great sacrifice, how could I do anything but give all of myself in total surrender? How could I not trust God's heart even when circumstances don't make sense?

You stood before my failure
And carried the cross for my shame
My sin weighed upon your shoulders
My soul now to stand

So what could I say?
And what could I do?
But offer this heart, Oh God
Completely to you

I'll stand
With arms high and heart abandoned
In awe of the one who gave it all
I'll stand
My soul Lord to you surrendered
All I am is yours**

People often ask us if we're finished adopting. The honest answer is that I don't know. What I do know is this: Whatever my Father asks of me, I will do.  As long as I am able, I will continue to surrender my will in exchange for His. When people in the Bible met Jesus, they were forever and radically changed. They did crazy things like leave their occupations, walk on water, witness in languages they didn't even know, heal the sick, get imprisoned for spreading the Gospel, and even walk to their own martyrdom. And they did so because they met the Author of the book and they knew the end of the story.

So do I.

God sent his son
They called him Jesus
He came to love
Heal and forgive
He lived and died
To buy my pardon
An empty grave
Is there to prove
My Savior lives

Because he lives
I can face tomorrow
Because he lives
All fear is gone
Because I know
He holds the future
And life is worth the living
Just because he lives

How sweet to hold
A newborn baby
And feel the pride
And joy he gives
But greater still
The calm assurance
This child can face
Uncertain days
Just Because he lives

And then one day
I'll cross the river
I'll fight life's final war with pain
And then as death
Gives way to victory
I'll see the lights
Of glory and
I'll know he lives

* This Is Amazing Grace, Phil Wickham
** I'll Stand, Hillsong United
***Because He Lives, Bill and Gloria Gaither