Waiting

I'm not very good at waiting.  I go nuts.  If I'm waiting in traffic, I'm thinking about where I'm supposed to be and fretting over (possibly) being late.  Since I'm usually early, the fretting is typically in vain as the minor delay makes me right on time.  If I'm waiting in a doctor's office, I'm thinking about all the things I could be getting done at home.  If I forgot to bring a book along, I'm also thinking about the precious me-time that could be spent making headway in a book, a rare but valued occurrence.

But that kind of waiting is nothing.  So much of life is waiting for things of much more importance.  There's waiting for graduation, waiting for a job, waiting for a spouse, waiting for a child, waiting for a medical answer, waiting for healing, and maybe the most difficult of all - waiting for Heaven.

So this waiting for a child is just about over the top for me.  Sometimes days go by without a single potential situation coming our way.  The waiting is intense.  Sometimes, two situations come by in a day.  The waiting is intense.  Sometimes days go by without an answer.  The waiting is intense.  Sometimes a response comes back right away; the expectant or birth mother has chosen a different family.  The waiting is still intense.

There is a simple yet profound little devotional called 31 Nuggets of Hope: For Moms Who Said Yes to the Fatherless by Shelly Roberts.  This is the book I go to when I need a reminder that I'm not alone; these feelings and experiences are felt by every single one of us when bringing wounded children into our homes.  This morning's reading was just for today, and tomorrow, and the day after that, and the day after that...

"We have NO control over anything that is about to happen in our lives, but we know the ONE who does.  It is there we must find refuge and it is the ONLY place we will find peace.  If we do not rest there, we will lose our minds.  When you find your mind drifting in a sea of unknowns, thrashing wildly about in the waves of fear, you must, by mere obedience, let God take control of your thoughts.  You must submit everything to His loving care."

So where are we now in our adoption journey?  We're waiting.  And I'm learning to give up my desire for control, to find refuge in God and to claim the peace that passes all understanding.