The real Laura Sybil

Dear Laura Sybil,

You promised to tell us why you call yourself Laura Sybil and I've been reading your blog religiously since your first Laura Sybil post and I haven't seen even a hint of why you go by this name. Do tell!

Sincerely,
Can't Stand the Suspense

Dear Can't Stand the Suspense,

You are correct. I did promise to tell why I chose this particular name. The problem is not necessarily that I don't want to tell; but that it is quite complicated. But let me try to explain.

It all started as a college freshman when I sat in the back of chemistry class with a dumb football player. Yes, the Good Doctor did play football in college but he did not fit the "dumb football player" stereotype nor was he in this class with me. It was some other guy whose name I do not remember.

I guess my first mistake was sitting in the back of the class. My second mistake was sitting next to the football player. And my third mistake was taking chemistry. Or maybe that was the first mistake. Well, we could sit here all day and debate which came first, the chicken or the egg; the football player or chemistry. But that's not what you want to know.

Anyway, the dumb football player (the guy sitting next to me) and the dumb elementary ed. major taking chemistry (that's me) probably spent more time talking than listening to the professor. I'm sure our conversations were more interesting than the lecture of the day, and one Friday, those conversations started us down a path of no-return.

This professor gave a quiz every Friday. He would give the quizzes to the first person in the row and they would be passed all the way back and the last person was to turn in the extra quizzes. Which I did. Except that I kept an extra one. After filling in my answers, I had a brilliant idea. I could play a little joke on the absent-minded professor (he certainly looked the part), fill in a second quiz, and turn it in. I discussed it with my football-playing buddy and we thought it sounded like a wonderful idea.

Don't ask me where the name Laura Sybil came from because I have no idea. All I know is that as I looked at that second quiz, and the name blank, Laura and Sybil were the first two names that came to mind. Being a reader, it's quite possible that they came from books. Laura being the heroine of the Little House series, of course and Sybil being from some teen book that all the mothers didn't want us to read but we read anyway. Something about a girl on drugs. So, Laura Sybil I became. Football Jock and I thought it was funny, we passed the quizzes to the front, and parted ways for the weekend, assuming that was the end of our fun.

Oh, we were wrong.

Laura Sybil's quiz got graded. And on Monday, the professor called role by passing out the quizzes. When he got to Laura's quiz, would you believe she wasn't in class that day? He tried again on Wednesday but she was still a no-show. On Friday he didn't call role because the turned-in quizzes would tell him who had come to class that day (and even the dumb football player knew he should show up on quiz day). So, having a little extra time on our hands after finishing our quizzes, we decided I should fill out another quiz for our dear friend, Laura Sybil.

You guessed it. On Monday morning, a very confused professor once again called Laura Sybil's name as he passed back the quizzes. Surprise, surprise, the girl was nowhere to be found. (I never did find out how she did on those quizzes. Maybe she was able to show up only on Fridays, take the quizzes, and somehow manage to get better grades than me.)

This went on for about three weeks. I told my closest friends about it and we had a good laugh.

Then one of my friends, whose mother was the college registrar and whose father was a science professor, went home for dinner one night. Her parents were discussing an interesting phenomenon occurring on campus. Apparently there was a student who was attending classes but who had never paid for the class (they knew because the financial aid office had been contacted), nor had she even registered for the class (they knew because the registrar had been contacted). In fact, she had never even asked for information or applied to the college (they knew because the admissions office had been contacted). My friend listened intently but became very interested when she heard that this student's name was Laura Sybil and that the class she was taking was chemistry.

Busted.

So there you have it. Laura was pretty famous on campus for all of three weeks. She had more people in more offices looking for her than any other student who ever has or who ever will attend the prestigious Bluffton University. Until now, she's kept a pretty low profile, only showing up for little pranks here and there. She once changed her name to Lauren Sybilious but that's because the prank was being played on none other than the Good Doctor and since he knew all about Laura Sybil, we had to come up with something slightly different. Just to throw him off. But now that her secret's out, she'll have to stick to advice-giving.

That's what happens when you get old.

Sincerely,

Laura The-Jig-Is-Up Sybil