Squirrels and parenting

I have failed as a parent.

I have done my best to pass on the virtues of peace, justice, and love. Treating others better than yourself. Do no harm to any creature with four appendages or less. All that good stuff.

And in the end, this is how they turn out.

A few nights ago the dinner topic du jour was about some "awesome" video on youtube that depicts squirrels being catapulted through the air. Where's the love? (And don't you all quit in the middle of this blog to look it up yourself. Shame on you. Your mother would be so ashamed!) I'm told it was presented to my eldest from a friend at the lunch table.

Now I know what all you homeschoolers are thinking. You're thinking that real school was my first and biggest mistake. If I had just kept my wee ones close to my heart until they got married, I wouldn't be dealing with this.

Something tells me that squirrels still wouldn't be on the top of their peace and justice list. And besides, I have an uncle who catches squirrels and paints their tails red just to be certain they aren't finding their way back home after he deposits them "on the other side of the turnpike." I've heard the family jokes about the rash of red-tailed squirrels found dead on the turnpike because they tried to run home. And my father has attempted numerous methods of ridding his property of groundhogs, some said methods involve explosives. So I think it's in the genes. And no, I do not find these accounts funny, either.

But back to the subject of this youtube squirrel video. Not only has my clan seen this video more times than necessary in the past 48 hours and not only do they think this video is right up there with Star Wars, Lord of the Rings, and Narnia movies, they want to make their own version of the squirrel catapult. I asked them to show some respect for their mother and to please desist from such violent speech and thought. They responded by informing me that the squirrels do not die. I told them that maiming any of God's creatures is just as bad, maybe worse. They completely ignored me and went on to discuss how best to construct the catapult and where to position the video cameras for best effect.

And worse yet, the father was right there in the heart of the discussion. What kind of man have I married? When I had him sign the prenuptial agreement stating that he was to kill every spider, centipede, and tic that found its way into the house, I had no idea he was so violent toward other creatures. I had no idea that it would come to this. Or maybe all his doctoral schooling made him lose common sense. Maybe he's having trouble counting legs. I should check into that.

On second thought, this is the same man who says that animals don't need names and who did not name his animals on the farm growing up. He also had to be persuaded to allow pets in the house.

I hope he likes the dog. Because he might be sleeping with him tonight.

And the kids? Well, I can't send them to the doghouse; that's not legal. But they're still young and impressionable. Maybe there's time to sway them to my side.