On doing nothing

I was once asked (and I quote), "Do you still enjoy staying home and doing nothing?" Funny, how I can remember who asked this question, where it was asked, and what I said to John when I relayed the story to him later. I cannot, on the other hand, remember how I responded. I must have answered affirmatively, however, since, 3 more children later I still enjoy staying home and doing nothing.

And why wouldn't one find this to be the most amazing way to spend one's life? A typical day begins around noon when I convince myself to roll out of bed. I take a leisurely bath while reading a novel cover-to-cover in the master bath's whirlpool. About that time the nanny arrives to get the kids out of the house so I can have complete peace and quiet for the rest of the afternoon. As long as the bon-bons have been delivered on time, I can enjoy them for breakast/lunch while I start watching my soaps for the day. If not, I just set the DVR while I go out to eat and for an afternoon shopping at the mall.

The cleaning lady arrives during Oprah and also takes care of supper. After dinner I can head to the gym. Once a week there's time for a stop at the spa for a complete pedicure, manicure and massage. Twice a week I head to college where I'm auditing classes. I'm not working toward any degree in particular, just taking a little of this and a little of that. You know, deep and important things like ceramics, biology, British literature, advanced computers and macro economics.

The only bad part about all of this is that it's just so tiring. After a late night movie and a snack of ice cream with Reese's peanut butter cups, I'm ready to hit the sack. Thankfully the cleaning lady always takes care of pulling back the covers just so, placing a towel sculpture on the end and a mint on my pillow.

With all of these perks why would I even dream of going back to work and leaving my life of doing nothing all day? Even if you-know-who, the one who originally asked the question with condesenscion oozing from all pores, thinks it's a boring life that I'd be dying to leave. If people only knew the life I'd have to give up to return to work, they'd stop asking. So, this blog is for you. Now be quiet. I have new clothes to model in front of the full-length mirrors. And I have a movie to watch. And I need to get back to my ice cream before it melts.