This is HopeAnne

On June 1, 2006, a little butterfly was born, all 4 lbs. 5 oz. of her.  We received the phone call on June 6, asking if we'd be willing to take a 5 day old who was being released from the NICU that day.  We had no idea how to handle a 4 lb. peanut.  We thought she was so tiny and we were scared to death!  Little did we know.

She's strong.  She's flexible.  She's fast and she's active.  She loves to dance and flip and twirl.  She works on her own time schedule and somehow she determines, by her own set of rules, if it's going to be a good day or a bad one.  She's learning about life and grace and trust.  She's learning that she's loved dearly by her family.  She has always been able to bring a smile to a stranger's face.

She loves dolls and Polly Pockets and nurturing.  She loves drawing and coloring and painting.

And she loves pink!

Today she will celebrate her 7th birthday with a breakfast donut stuffed with 7 candles.  Her family will sing happy birthday to her and speak words of blessing to her.  I will not be there.  She will receive a mini trampoline because even though we fear what she might do with it (we have not forgotten the mini tramp at the bottom of the stairs incident at Aunt Shirley's house last Christmas) we know that she will love it.  And then everyone will pile into the van and drive to Baltimore to pick me up at the airport.  And then we will celebrate her birthday, all together, and I will speak words of blessing to her.

Happy Birthday, HopeAnne!  We love you so much!

And Victor can't wait to meet you and someday you'll be able to hold him and tell him that he is loved.

Victor is doing so well.  We enjoyed holding each other 3 times yesterday.  Saying good-bye is hard.

Pray for safe travels for me today.  Pray that Victor remembers to breathe each and every moment of every day.

Psalm 139

In case you didn't see this comment yesterday, I'm posting it here.  I didn't write it.  It is from a prayer warrior who joined us in prayer for little Victor before we even knew there was a little Victor.  

"Little Victor you are so fearfully and wonderfully made!
Before God formed you - He knew you, where you'd spend your first few months, who would care for you, who would help you grow.
He knows when you will sit and when you will rise. 
He knows your thoughts even now - even the ones you'll have tomorrow (I bet they involve your mommy saying "Don't forget to breathe Victor").
He discerns your going out and your lying down. (Every movement YOU make and each one someone makes you do).
He is familiar with all your ways (all the things things you do each day to grow and what you will be doing each day thereafter).
Before a word (or grunt or cry or babble) is on your tongue, He knows it completely.
He has hemmed you in - behind and before, (provided for your every need).
He has laid His hand upon you! (you are VICTORIOUS and AMAZING )

(paraphrased: Psalm 139)

Inspired to claim this verse for YOU today little man!"

Stretching out.  So big!

Victor had a good night and a good day so far.  The nurse practitioner was just here.  Victor will likely have his first eye exam next week.  Pray for excellent results.  His weight is up to 2 lbs. 12 oz. and since his weight gain has been steady he can now be held 3 times/day!  Pray that his non-nutritive feeding goes well during these times.  He usually lasts about 20 minutes and then we need to stop and just rest for the remainder of the hold.  All labs look good.  Pray for every breath.

VICTORious

Victor Noah King

Victorious Long Life of Faith in the One True King

That's my boy.

Many thanks for the care package that included this wonderful decoration for my blinds.  Each letter has a verse or phrase that I've shared here on this blog.  I love it!  What great reminders.

Before we even met Victor, a member of our prayer team sent us these words about our little man, "He will amaze.  God is going to use him in significant ways."

We have already seen multiple examples of how Victor has amazed.  The other day, one of the nurses shared with me something else miraculous.  She was talking about how well Victor has been doing considering his gestational age and weight at birth.  She reminded me that all of his brain scans have been completely clear, nothing has shown up.  She told me that even babies born later than 25 weeks gestation often have one or more scans that are not clear.  Another nurse overheard this and chimed in, "You really need to understand how amazing this is."

And she pondered all of these things in her heart.

Look at my little guy wearing big boy clothes!  Yes, they are size premie, but relatively speaking, they are definitely big boy clothes.

I had to enlist Nurse Amy's help with the arms as Little Man did not want to cooperate, allowing us to see his praise for Mommy.  Notice the dog theme going with the onesie and blanket.  Nurse Bridget likes to keep things coordinated.

Not bad for a self-portrait.  You don't want to know how many attempts it took to get it just right.

Victor had a good night and seems to be having a better day.  His weight is holding steady at 2 lbs. 11 oz.  Labs today.  Yuck!  No one likes to be stuck!

Prayer requests: Breathing, weight gain, the usual.

Very dark and stormy

It was a dark and stormy night.

Isn't that how all good stories start?  Well, maybe one did.  Once upon a time.

But it was a dark and stormy night.

This is what Utah usually looks like this time of year.  But not last night.  The one night that Katrina and I decided to venture out to a professional soccer game, a game that we didn't care about one iota, and a sport that she enjoyed only as long as her crush on Scott lasted and a sport that I only care about if one of my children is playing.  And even if my child is playing, I will only venture out to watch if the weather is just right.  I'm a fair weather fan.

But I am ahead of myself.  Why would we bother to attend this game in such foul weather, you ask?  The answer to that question began during my flight back to Utah.  After a layover in Phoenix, I boarded the plane with a contingent of black, red, and yellow clad soccer players.  My seat assignment happened to be right between two of them; one silent and the other quite chatty.  As it turned out, they were members of a professional soccer game, on their way to SLC for a game the next night.

Now, my knowledge of professional soccer is quite limited.  I do know that there is a team in Philadelphia called the Union.  Other than that, well, that's all I know.  This particular soccer team doesn't play against the Union, however, and when my new friend asked me how the Union is doing, I, um, well, I had no idea.

But he quickly forgave me and the conversation turned to my reason for going to Utah.  When I shared Victor's story, my soccer-minded friend was quite interested.  He shared his interest in adopting in the future.  I suggested he should find himself a wife first and he agreed.  Matters then turned to the rest of my family.  I showed him pictures (of course, like a good mother) and he was impressed.  I told him that the Good Doctor was a pastor and at this news my friend became very animated.  He told me that he had just been to church with his cousin the past Sunday.  He described the light show, the multi screens, and the pizzazz.  And then he told me that not only did he enjoy what he saw, he was deeply moved by the message.  He said that it was explained so that he could understand.  He planned to search for a church in his own hometown.  You never know what kinds of conversations you're going to have on a plane.

But then he asked if I'd like some free tickets to see his game.  What to say, what to say.  To turn him down would be impolite but going to a soccer game?  For fun? Hmmm?  I know, I'll ask Katrina to join me.  Then I know it'll be fun.  Yes, I'll take them.

Which brings us back to where we started...

It was a dark and stormy night as I headed north to pick up Katrina.  Silly girls, we didn't even think to question whether or not the game would be canceled until we were 5 minutes away.  In my world, all sports would be canceled for inclement weather.  No such luck.  And I guess is was a good thing as we had arrived.

We marched ourselves right up to the ticket window and asked for our tickets.  We were told we'd have to go to a different window.  All the way on the other side of the stadium.  Did I mention that it was raining?  And cold?  And all of my warm clothes are in PA?  Okay, just checking.  We went around to the other side of the stadium and asked the first available person where we could find the ticket window on this side of the building.  He pointed further in the direction we were headed.  I was beginning to think that they were sending us on a wild goose chase, in circles around the building.  We found the ticket window and got in line.  And waited.  The window next to our line opened and we hopped on over there.  The woman played around with her computer and then informed us that it wasn't working, we'd need to go back to the first line.  Oooooo-kay.  Finally, I asked for tickets for Cindy King.  Nope, no tickets for Cindy King.  Really?  Yes, ma'am.  She wanted to know who was giving us the tickets.  Um, my friend from the opposing team?  And his name is?  His name is...I knew his first and middle names but couldn't quite remember the last name so I guessed.  Nope, no tickets under that name.  What? We went to all of this trouble and he forgot to give us tickets?  Just as all hope was lost - Wait, did you say your name is Cindy?  Yes, I did.  Well, I have tickets here for Cindy, No Last Name.  That's me!  Problem solved.  See, we're just on a first name basis, me and my new soccer friend.

We sauntered into the stadium, thankful that the rain had basically stopped at this point.  We asked a very nice man-in-the-know to help us find our seats which just happened to be, yes, all of the way on the other side of the stadium, back where we had started our journey.  We climbed all the steps to the nose bleed section and sat down.  And then everyone got up and left.  We looked at each other?  What's going on?  Did we miss the game?  No worries, it was just intermission.  I mean, halftime.

The second half started and the rain started coming.  In buckets.  But we were safe and (not really) warm under a nice overhang.  Until the wind shifted.  Not fun.  But it was a good game.  I think.  Katrina checked her phone so we'd know how long the half would be.  Just as the game was ending, my new friend's team tied it up.  We looked at each other and it was unanimous, we were not going to stay for a minimum of 2 minutes of overtime.  I guess it's a good thing since my buddy's team lost.

Katrina decided this must mean that Victor is going to be a soccer star in the future.  I guess I'd better start enjoying these games.

Victor had a rough day in the NICU today.  The good news is that this rough day was better than his good days of a few weeks ago.  We're not sure what is going on but he had more desats and bradies than in recent days (only 2 bradies yesterday).  We had some good skin-on-skin time and some not-so-good skin-on-skin time.  But he's wearing clothes and he's so cute so he's forgiven.

They're changing his feeds so that he will receive them every 3 hours instead of every 4.  Each feed will be given over 90 minutes now instead of 2 hours.  Pray that he can tolerate these feeds which are closer to a big-boy schedule than what it's been.  Pray for limited reflux.  Pray for him as he practices sucking and learning to eat on his own.  It's a very slow process.

He weighs 2 lbs. 11 oz.  Pray for weight gain.

He will have an eye test in the near future.  Pray for no sign of retinopathy of prematurity.

Pray that Victor has a great day tomorrow!  Pray against discouragement in me after today.

Pray for all of the kids as they finish up the school year.  Pray for Andrew as he prepares for graduation.

Pray for me as I prepare to go home again this weekend, and then return in a few days.  Pray for the family as they prepare to travel out here on a vacation soon.  Pray for fun, family bonding and unity.

The great performance

Yesterday was a day of travel.  Actually, it was a weekend of travel.  In just about 36 hours I flew from SLC to Baltimore and back and in between drove from Balitmore to home and back.  I was in PA less than 24 hours.  But it was all worth it.  It was worth it to be home again.  It was worth it to surprise the kids and it was worth it to see Mariana in Thoroughly Modern Millie.

Red wig was from the photo call.  She didn't stay a redhead for long.

There were goosebumps, there were chills, and there were many tears.  And when she came out for her curtain call?  There was a standing ovation.  She deserved it.  Through mic difficulties, she never wavered (don't believe her post about being frazzled, it never showed). Her voice was beautiful and her acting superb.  More tears after the show and lots of hugs.

Mariana, you are so beautiful and I'm so proud of you for using your talents for the Lord and for others.

Victor was well taken care of while I was gone.   Katrina got to do a lot of skin-to-skin time with him.  She sent us regular updates so we were in the know.  He lost a little weight again but is almost back to 2 lbs. 8 oz.   Keep praying for weight gain and remembering to breathe.

Coming to you from PA

Surprise!  A week ago, someone generously offered to fly me home so that I could see Mariana in a performance of Thoroughly Modern Millie.  The Good Doctor and I weighed not only the financial piece which would be taken care of, but the days away from Victor and the logistics of a quick trip home.  After praying about it and discussing it, here I am!

We arranged for Mariana to spend the night with a friend so she wouldn't know that the Good Doctor went to the airport to pick me up.  At home, only Andrew knew what was happening.  I got home early this morning, tried to catch a little sleep, surprised all the kids as they woke up, and headed off to church where I kept myself hidden away until the big reveal.

The plan was to Skype me into the service this morning, to talk about how the church has surrounded us during our journey.  I wasn't really into this idea anyway but the Good Doctor was all for it.  Instead,  there I was!  Surprise!

And I shared something like this:

Many times, as I’ve experienced the ups and downs of life, I’ve asked myself, “How does someone do this without God?” 

And then I ask myself another question, “How does one do this without a faith family?”

In our most recent adoption journey, our faith family has been so important.  Even before deciding to say yes to Victor, we had several prayer partners praying for us.  John and I each have a prayer team and many of the team members are from here at McBIC.  We shared with them the situation, our fears, and our concerns, and we set them free to pray.  The answers that came back, both in visions and in words, led to the confirmation that Victor was our son. 

Once we said yes and made the big announcement, we were inundated with offers of help.  So we started by enlisting a member of McBIC to set up a website to organize our needs.  Within a few hours, the sign up list was filled.  And then people asked for more needs.  And more.  And people started to offer to fill needs we didn’t even know we had.

So John and I would like to officially thank our faith family here and elsewhere for being the body of Christ to us, each one using his or her gifts to bless our family and to help bring Victor home.  I’m going to try to list all of the ways people have helped and I know that I’m going to forget something, please don’t think that your service was not appreciated or important – because it was and is!

Taxi service to the airport

Meals, meals, and more meals

Doing your pastor’s laundry

Cleaning up a motherless house

Making a 15 year old’s birthday special when her mother wasn’t home

Transporting kids here and there

Helping in numerous adoption fundraising endeavors

Childcare

Dog sitting

Teaching our homeschooled kids

Sorting socks

Doing dishes

Sending encouraging notes to us

Sending me care packages

Getting the little kids ready on Sunday morning while John is at church

Helping to keep life as normal as possible

Giving us Bible verses, songs, and words of encouragement as God nudges you to share

Paying for plane tickets, including the tickets that provided my surprise appearance here, and gave me the opportunity to see Mariana star in a musical this afternoon

Praying!  Please keep praying!

We have been blessed in so many ways!  I wouldn’t want to travel this road of life without God or without my faith family, a family that knows that each member is valuable and it is important that we share our unique gifts with others.  You have done that for us.

But I’m still waiting for someone to volunteer to return to Utah with me to get the spider off of my ceiling!

Big Little Man is now 2 lbs. 8 oz.  Big enough for clothes!  

Keep praying for feeding, and growing, and breathing.  

Pray for me.  God is good.  And Victor is good.  But this leaving is hard.  So hard.  I cry when I leave one and I cry when I leave 8.  It was good to be home, if even for a short time, but I'm ready to see my little guy wearing his big boy clothes!

Going after the one

The Good Doctor's Perspective 

I am a functionally single working father of seven these days. That may sound overwhelming to many of you, and quite frankly it is for me as someone who has depended on my wife of 21 years who is the ultimate organizer in our home.  But as I have lived as a single parent now for a couple of weeks, I have realized a few things. 

First, I have been blown away at all the help and support of people who believe in what we are doing.  Quite honestly, I didn't know how supportive people would be with us stepping out of the boat like we did, and yet we keep hearing from many different people about how this adoption is affecting them emotionally, spiritually, relationally, and in a multitude of ways.  Our grocery bill is roughly about 25% of what it was.  We are using less gas in our cars.  Our kids are very loved and cared for.  We are incredibly grateful.

Second, I am drawn to the idea of Christ's extravagant love for us as we have stepped out in faith to do what we really believe that God is calling us to do.  This idea of extravagance came from a woman named Tracie from the Kansas City area who has been walking with us for a while in this adoption adventure, long before Victor was even conceived.  In one of her comments to us recently, she used the word "extravagant" to describe what we were doing.  I pondered that as I realized that the very first day we showed up at the hospital.  On the day we met Victor, we signed legal documents taking legal custody of him and all the responsibility that came.  He is on our insurance.  We are going through incredible red tape and paperwork that no one can even understand until you go through it yourself.  

In many ways, we could have easily said no.  Easily.  Everyone in the world would have understood if we would have backed out of the situation.  And yet, we are choosing to love a child who had no hope and future.  It is extremely costly.  It is costly when our schedules are incredibly disrupted.  It is costly when our finances are uprooted and changed considerably within a month.  It is costly for me personally because I miss my wife very, very dearly.  It is costly in having little girls missing their mommy.  It is costly with less sleep over a period of a couple of weeks.  It is costly to not have us all together when we are celebrating great news with our children these days.

And yet... this brings me to the third realization.  The heart of God is to go after the one who is lost.  Our family is safe and secure... generally speaking.  Oh sure, our kids are getting used to their mama away, and it is a disruption.  And yet Luke 15 and the Parable of the Lost Sheep gives new meaning to me:

Luke 15 - Now the tax collectors and sinners were all gathering around to hear Jesus. ² But the Pharisees and the teachers of the law muttered, “This man welcomes sinners and eats with them.” ³ Then Jesus told them this parable: ⁴ “Suppose one of you has a hundred sheep and loses one of them. Doesn’t he leave the ninety-nine in the open country and go after the lost sheep until he finds it? ⁵ And when he finds it, he joyfully puts it on his shoulders ⁶ and goes home. Then he calls his friends and neighbors together and says, ‘Rejoice with me; I have found my lost sheep.’ ⁷ I tell you that in the same way there will be more rejoicing in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who do not need to repent.

In the wake of the Gosnell trial in Philadelphia, we see the heart of God more clearly than ever when we leave the 99 safe children/sheep and go after the vulnerable one.  And we are rejoicing, because Victor Noah - Victorious Long Life - is beating the odds.  He is doing REALLY well for his gestational age (31 weeks today).  I think that has something to do with the fact that his mama is out there every day with him, holding him as longer as she can.  Humming and singing to him.  Praying over him as she holds his hands.

And how are the sheep doing at home, people keep asking me?  We are surviving... actually more than surviving.  I think on some level we are seeing 99 other sheep in the Church and the community rallying around us and supporting us in so many ways.  This whole experience has changed our family forever.  Some of our children have "grown up" more.  Some of our children have significantly matured in prayer.  Ask our 8-year-old daughter who prayed and prayed that God would bring a baby to our family on April 20 and 5:00 p.m. and it happened.  And on top of all that, our kids got something they've been wanting for a long time, text messaging on their phones.  Mama is a texting machine now because she can't always take the time to call.  And the spiritual depth that is coming from her computer in Utah these days is extremely fulfilling to me.

So thank you for caring and praying.  I can't wait for all of us to be together as a family.  I think on that day, I may say to all of you, "Rejoice with us, we have found our lost sheep."  Yet at the same time, I also wonder what God may call you to, whether you might be willing to go after the one when you are in a place of safety and comfort. "The one" doesn't mean adoption, there are many different "ones" who need love.  You may decide that you want to start praying about that and asking God to open your heart to something more dangerous than where you are currently.  But be careful; God may joyfully answer your prayer.

As John already mentioned, our little man's gestational age would be 31 weeks.  Instead he is 6 weeks old today.  He had such a great week and is doing amazingly well.  

He had lost a little weight but was back up to 2 lbs. 4 oz. yesterday.  The doctor increased his feeds from 20 ml to 22 ml.  

Pray that he feeds and grows.  And breathes.