Already not yet

 If Advent is preparation for Christmas, what do you call preparation for Advent? This season of remembering that we live in the limbo of "already, but not yet" has never been more real than in the past few days.

Being allowed to participate in DJ's first birthday party,

enjoying the continuing excitement of the anticipation of another little one,

watching both Mariana and Isaac live out their life's story,

waiting for Andrew and Sarah's move to DC (and a whole lot closer to "home"),

and the heartbreak of witnessing Grandmom's stroke, difficulty in communication, yet clearly articulated desire to see her Heavenly Father. "I want to go home," she says again and again. "Can we sing about it?" I asked. "Yes, please do," was her reply. As we did, each song brought her peace from her agitation and she sang along. When we stopped, the requests began again, "I wanna go home...Father take me home...Just let me come over..." This is the reality of the "already, but not yet" that we live here on earth. Joy and sorrow. Pleasure and pain. All at once. Wanting to go home. Wanting to stay. Wanting loved ones to stay just a little bit longer. Come, Lord Jesus. He has come, but we wait with expectation for His second coming when all sorrow and sickness will be gone. Already, but not yet.

The Messiah has come. He fulfilled all of the Old Testament prophecies about the Messiah. Every December we decorate our homes, we sing carols, and we hear the stories repeated in church. We know He lives in our hearts and He changes our lives. But we also know that He has not yet come the second time as He promised. We eagerly await this second coming. As a member of the "Already Not Yet" Club, am I living in such a way as to represent the One who has come but who has not yet come again? Does my life represent His saving power as the fulfillment of His first coming? Do I live with the urgency of His second coming? May I be a light this coming Advent season, and at all times, to point others to membership in Jesus' Kingdom, the Kingdom of Already, Not Yet.

A little humble pie

Parent teacher conferences are a whole lot different than they used to be. We were recently reminiscing about the year I sat in front of Jesse's teacher and the first thing out of her mouth was, "Everybody loves Jesse." Those days are gone. Now parent-teacher conferences are a place to put all pride aside and eat some humble pie. It's funny, because the morning of this conference I was being interviewed by a college student working on a project connected to foster care. One of her questions was about my definition of success. I told her that my definition of success has definitely changed in my years parenting trauma kids. I no longer believe success involves glowing reports at conferences. It's no longer connected to what others think. My definition of success now is simply saying "yes" to God and knowing that that is success is His eyes. 

This year's parent-teacher conference involved conversations about defiance, unkind words, stealing, and a child who wants to be expelled (we don't even know how he knows what that is!) so that he can stay home. He's too smart for us. 

It also included the revelation that the detailed descriptions we had been given for about 2 weeks about a fidget trading club were all figments of his imagination, fabrications apparently used to persuade us to purchase some fidgets for "trading". We had even been told which day he "got the paper and signed up" because "now I have some fidgets to trade." 

The more you know...Now we know.

Be kind

I have often had parents ask how they can help their children relate better to Victor. The question also comes up with parents or educators wondering how to help children relate to peers with challenging trauma behaviors. My answer is always the same - it starts with the adults. The children who relate the best to Victor are also the ones whose parents take time to engage with him and who talk with their children about loving others. They model acceptance and care.

The opposite is also true. Parents, please watch what you say in front of your children. Watch how you act. It will come through loud and clear. 

Victor received this picture from a little friend at school. 

It says, "Dear Victor, my birthday is in 4 days. My mommy doesn't want you over."

I'm sure this mother has no idea what her child wrote. I'm sure she had no intention for her words to be shared with the object of their at-home conversation. But they were. 

Be careful. Your children are watching and listening. 

Be kind.